WHat to prepare for in court

[mjw68]

I have filed for a court date... months ago, and am still waiting for it, however my ex has kept my kids from seeing or speaking to me in over a year. I am tired of it and fed up. I need to be in their lives, I cannot afford a lawyer, and will represent myself, or use a court appointed att. However i don't even no where to begin, I want to get visitation of my kids, I live in mass. The ex refuses to even speak with me, so we cannot come to a aggrement on our own. Im so scared they will deny me visitation, or something. I did have a domestic violence charge aginist my ex, which was dropped, ( she was high and tried taking my kids in her car, So i grabbed her so she couldn't, and she called the cops with a bruise on her arm.) It was to protect my children not to hurt her, if that makes any difference. As far as towards my kids, I have never ever hurt them, in fact their mother hates me because they speak so highly of me and always want to see me.  Do i have have any reason to be concerned that representing myself could result in my visitation not being granted.

Any input would be greatly appericated.
MJ

[MixedBag]

get back with the courts and find out what the hold up is.

[mjw68]

I have been calling, making sure i don't somehow miss it when they send the date out... but other then that? any help on what to expect... this is a case i can handel on my own without a lawyer? i just cannot afford one, but i have to win this? i need visitation
Help?

[Marsha]

If I were you I would take the time to go to the courthouse and ask the clerk if your case is on file.  Maybe it didn't get served correctly or something.

I have been in court too many times, and there are always folks representing themselves.  Your case is simple, mom is denying you visitation time.  Do you already have any court orders regarding custody and visitation?  If so, what are they?

When was the domestic violence charge?  Did that come up in a custody court setting?  Is it in any custody orders?

You say you live in Mass.  Where do the kids live?  Did you move away?

It helps a lot to lay out the general history to get good answers.

The only advice I have is when you do represent yourself
1.  Keep the focus of your statements about your relationship with the kids and what you think is in the kids' best interests.
2.  If/when the judge or your ex brings up the battery charge, or whatever, just stay calm and stick to the facts...such and such happened, it was dropped.  BUT, I would add in there that you know it was wrong and you would never do that again
(It was wrong in the eyes of the court as it is always domestic violence to lay your hands on someone when its not welcomed, that your kids were present for this does not look good either).  So mop up big time.

[mjw68]

Thank you for responding, i wanted to answer your questions in case you had any more tips for me, The battery incident was aprox 4 years ago, The kids live in Mass as do I, and we do not have any custody orders, we have never been to court before. I feel some relief hearing from you that people do represent themsevles often, and that you say its a pretty simple case. Its nice to hear in a time of such stress.

I only have one other question , Does it seem that i may be at risk of being denied visitation?
Any more advice you have is beyond appericated.

Thank you, MJ

[Kitty C.]

JMO, but I would not attempt to go to court alone in MA.  I've heard some courts in that state can be pretty tough on dads and you would need someone to stick up for you and speak for you.  Heck, some judges won't even let a parent get a word in edgewise, regardless of the circumstances and even if they are representing themselves and have every right to speak.  So if you've never been to court before, and have had no experience either (observing cases in court, know what petitions to file, etc.), you're taking a pretty big risk by representing yourself.

So if you don't know what forms are required, what needs to be filed and when, how to handle yourself in court, know what to ask for when you get there, and if you will get a judge who actually will listen to petitioners or respondents appearing pro se, then I strongly recommend finding an atty. to represent you.  You're at the stage where this is too important to leave to chance.  Maybe once you've been to court a few times and know what is required, you'd be better off, but not at the beginning of the case.

[Marsha]

I totally agree with the moderator.  You DO want and need an attorney.  And given what she said about the judges in MA, sounds like a rough hail.

I personally get frustrated by the legal system, in that one has to have major bucks to get some very basic justice done in court...my own pet peeve. 

I have been to court a lot, and it still terrifies me...some of the judges I have had are very considerate and patient with those who are prose...(and I admit, most of those are very well prepared and seem fairly court seasoned), but some judges are sticklers with their little speech at the beg of session that everyone should have an attorney.

I just think...if a person really cannot afford an attorney...no one to borrow the money from, etc., and there are basic rights being denied...go for it, but also take the time to sit in on court cases being heard, take time to research and really prepare.  At the very least, hire a paralegal to do the paperwork for you, and hire an attorney for the tough work...speaking for you in court.  At the very very least, hire an attorney for one hour to get tips.

But in the end, in your case, scramble best you can to get an attorney since you've gotten word of a bad rap on judges towards dads in MA!

[mjw68]

Its horrible hearing all of this i have to go through just to be the father in my kids life they deserve me to be. How do people feel about court appointed lawyers. I was under the impression you could get a attorney for no cost that the courts can provide. If i really have no other means of hiring one is that a decent option?
I also wonder now after hearing from you both, that maybe I havent heard back with a court date becasue i am missing some paper work that should have been filied. When i went down i told them what i wanted to file for and did what they told me. But maybe i was nto fully informed?

Concerned and missing my kids,
Mj

[Kitty C.]

Court appointed attys. are generally only allowed for criminal court, so that all defendants have their right to a fair trial.  But in civil court (which family court falls under) there is no prosecution or defense....only plaintiffs and respondents.  Call friends, use the phone book, whatever, but some attys. offer a free 'consultation', where they will hear you out on what the case entails and they will tell you what they charge.  Make sure to ask for a family law atty.  They usually ask for a retainer of a certain amount (could be anywhere from $2K-10K, depending on who you hire), which they will bill against until it runs out, then either will charge you as they go or ask for another retainer, depending on the difficulty of the case.

It is very possible that the reason they won't tell you anything is because it wasn't filed correctly.  Some jurisdictions have absolutely no sympathy for pro se litigants.  Yes, it IS a shame what dads have to go thru, just to be a part of their kids' lives when they are no longer with the BM.  Personally, I think it's a crime, but that's just my opinion.  So this is the point in your life where you swallow ALL pride and self-respect and beg, borrow, or call in every marker you've got out there to get the money you need for an atty.

DH was divorced 12 years ago and we are STILL paying off the credit card he used to pay for his atty.  He used one card for the atty. fees and another to live on for a while, so you can imagine how high the balances got.  We even had to go to a credit counseling service to get out from under it all and have been with them for almost 5 years...........hopefully before the year's out, we'll have them all paid off.  DH has promised me a tropical vacation with all the money we'll have.........which will piss off his ex to no end!

[mjw68]

How about paralegas as someone previously mentioned? Are they useful and less expensive? Ive used all my financial resources already just to get myself in a place that would be good for my kids, a safer neighborhood and larger apartment, a car that wont shit the bed when im driving them around, and im afriad if i try for a credit card i could get into bad debt and end up really messing up all i have worked hard for, for my kids. So basically i wanted to know if a paralegal may be something to consider for my situation?