father has thrown in the towel

[CORSET]

good morning
my previous post was every summer we go through this

my heart goes out to everyone who fights for some type of normal relationship with their children. for the life of me i wont understand why people have to be sooo f..king mean and use their children as some chest pawns..

my husband has been the custodial parent since the child was 10 months of age and has been there for every thing a child goes through, the father has taken off days when the child was sick, and the mother would not or could not take off.  


the father is trying to keep the line of communciation open with his son, however there is NO communciation, the father has repeatedly called to speak with son and has gotten no response.  

this past weekend the son was supposed to be with the father, however no call. saturday afternoon came and went and i made many suggestions  as to what should be done, but no response...
the ncp mother is always in contempt and he does not do anything,,

infact he has told me that he is fed up with the crap and if the son wants to live with a mother like that, by all means let him..he wont call or anything

as a mother, my kids are my life, please help me to understand why any parent would just walk away from the kids..

my parents died when i was very young, i would give anything to have them here with me

god bless all of you

thanks

[joni]

Sorry to hear about this.  It's heart breaking to watch a loved one in such pain.  He can fight or be a martyr.  I understand how he can give up and what can drive him to do this.  Let him be with his own pain and silently support and love him.  Sometimes I feel the same way with what we go through with our SD.  I hope he comes around and does something for himself.  Don't force him, just support him, otherwise it may blow up back on you.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[CORSET]

thank you
the feeling of helplessness is horrible

thanks

[dontunderstand]

I am so sorry to hear.  It is so emotionally draining, I can understand. My husband and I both get to the point that enough is just too much, but we keep going because we know what kind of environment we send her home to.  Sad and sickening.  Just be there for him and pray that he may reconsider after all the leaves are done shaking down so to speak.  My prayers are with you both...

[kitten]

>the feeling of helplessness is horrible

So many of us know how you feel.  So many of us have had to stand back and watch the love of our life fall apart.  Many relationships do not survive, but many do.  It is very difficult to stand by and silently support him, but you must.  He is going through a greiving period, but with no end in sight.  Be patient with him, love him and try not to take it personally.  I wish you luck, be strong.

[CORSET]

thank you all

as i sit here at my desk, the tears are welling up in my eyes.
this situation is taking a toll of our marriage..  silently support him, my stomach burns at time and taste my own bile.

there are so many hurts, we gave into her demands when she wanted the son to have his own room, five years ago i walked away from home in the poconos so her son could be closer to her, the father sacificed many times for his son..

and yet the son hasnt called and when husband calls there is no talk on the phone,, static.. you get more conversation from the pets.
we dont know what weekends he will "show up".  our house is not a revolving door.

my parents died when i was a young girl and i still grieve, what i would do to hear their voice

god help us all

thanks

[backwardsbike]

Hi!

I am a NCM.  My husband was the primary reason that I lost custody.  It was untrue and unfair...but I still lost my kids.  The toll can ruin your marriage.  Do not let it.  Build walls around your marriage and the family you have with your DH.  Do not let the custody situation invade all areas of your lives.

At times I too feel like giving up. I am still fighting seven years later even tough everyone who knows me has told me to give up.  But at times during this I have said, " I give up".  I know the feeling.  And I know the most important thing is to know that my DH loves me either way.  Whether I fight or not I will still have him and the children we share together who are not part of the custody action.  Knowing that I won't loose that makes it possible for me to go forward.

Kids change like leaves blowing in the wind.  SOmetimes it is best to let them have what they think they want.  In a shortt ime the bloom is off the rose and they come to realize on thier own that they were better off before making a change.

My advice if your DH feels like giving up is to do othing for a while.  Let the child have what he thinks he wants without making legal changes.  Give him a chance to see what it is like when mom is not going for a full court press.  When she relaxes and lets her true color show then you will have an opportunity to have the child come back home ad you may not have to do anything in order to make that happen.

[CORSET]

thanks for the encouraging words
it has been three weeks since any communication has occurred between the father and the son (tomorrow is the father's bd)

i have told the father that two years ago the mother with held any communciation between myself and my two kids from the son, the father was deployed to the middle east and this situation is repeating itself, hopefully the son will see his mother for what she really is.
school starts at the end of august and we have not recieved any information from the courts regarding change of custody, the son is supposed to be home for the school year,

the mother continues to violate the custody order and hubby is so fed up that he wont go to the courts to have something done about it.

this is taking its toll on our marriage, i just dont know any more
yes i love my husband buttttttttttttttttttttt

thanks again

[wysiwyg]

Right there with you:  Read our story here, sorry has not been updated since 01......

http://www.fapt.org/issues/heavyheartedmom.html

[dontunderstand]

I am so very sorry to all.  I too just feel so helpless, when this person is able to lie, cheat, steal and decieve any and all that cross her path.  I just sickens me that my DH just wants a relationship with his daughter and every single time we turn around there is some new obsticle.  Funny she can't keep a job, and abandons every residence she has ever lived in, can no longer obtain state assistance becasue of lack of follow through with the few rules they have, fails to get child to school on time if at all. (she missed 60 days last year and 14 in kindergarten, tardy 40 times) Yet we have to not only prove that we are stable and good loving parents, but we also in the same breathe try to speak up for "the best interest of the child" yet it is always overlooked and we have always done something wrong...oops that was just becasue of another lie she told.  Do you know that we have asked for a GAL 3 times and all 3 times we were in court it was not addressed?  Do you know that when we went to court the last time for temp. custody due to school issues and her abandoning yet another apt, we were not only denied, but comissioner actually looked at DH and told him he "should be ashamed of his behavior" to an incident that was so a$$ backwards it was rediculous.  And then told BM "I see that you are trying, just keep trying?"  I am just at such a loss. I try to be the strong one, DH is SO stressed, as am I.  It is so disheartening to have to send her back to that environment.  DH picked her up for his week long visit, he was taking SD out of state to meet his family and do you know that BM actually told SD (7) that DH WOULD LOSE HER!?  She was so SCARED and then BM tells attorney that SD was so sad to go...Sorry to vent, I just really want to know what I have to do to change the laws of this very rediculous state (from what it sounds like from all of you it is this rediculous country we call the "greatest"...