custody evaluation *help*

[seansmom]

I filed for divorce from my husband last May. I live in Arizona which is a no fault state. He has to give me 1/2 of all porperty and such. That is killing him. So to hurt me (because he knows my 4 year old son is my whole life) he had a custody evaluation ordered by the court.  Any tips from anyone who has been through an evaluation? I have done some research and I know to always be honest with the elvaluator. But because I love my son so dearly I'm scared to death! Any advise from anyone???!!!

Thanks, Seansmom

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

If you have nothing to hide, then there's no reason to be scared to death.

I would express one concern I see from your post.  Granted, this is one person's perspective based upon a very brief paragraph.

It seems as though it's your attitude that your ex is ONLY interested in getting back at you, has NO interest in the child, and would ONLY want to get time with the child for vengeance against you.

That may be true, and you may have really figured it all out.

However, I would suspect that it's likely not true.  I don't see vengeful ex-spouses try to get back at the other through a custody evaluation.  There are a hundred other options that are more insidious.

So, I would suspect that your ex has pursued a custody evaluation because he A) has major concerns about you as a parent, or B) believes your approach is threatening the father/child bond, or C) has no major concerns of you as a parent but he still thinks he's the better parent.

I'd encourage you to really think if any of that could be true.  If you can honestly examine that and come to your same conclusion, then you should have nothing to worry about with the evaluation process.

But, if I may be on to something, you still have plenty of time to make some adjustments in your own thinking and behavior so that it doesn't hurt you in the evaluation.

The worst thing to have reported in an evaluation is not that a parent has made mistakes that negatively influences the child, but rather that the parent has made mistakes and refuses to admit or recognize them.

If you're stable, and if you always stay focused on the child, you'll do fine; so don't worry too much about it.

[dontunderstand]

I have not gone through it yet, but I have looked at the custody evaluation guide they have on this site.  It gave us some prospective as to what to expect...good luck!

[msme]

"So to hurt me (because he knows my 4 year old son is my whole life) he had a custody evaluation ordered by the court."

Sorry, but he cannot get anything "ordered by the court." There has to be just cause. Since you have been to court, what kind of Parenting Plan were you willing to participate in? Did you request 50/50 so that both of you could equally parent the child?

I don't think you have told us the whole story so you just may have reasons to worry.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[seansmom]

We have not yet went to court for Temp. orders (child suport ect.) I received an order from my lawyer from his lawyer from a judge in superior court ordering we both do the evaluation and ordered us both to pay half. My husband says neglect which is totally untrue, if fact since my son has been born he said I spoiled him too much. As I said in my first letter he's trying to hurt me the only way he can, and thats through our child. Iv'e been a stay at home mom and my son is everything to me. He has our son everyother other weekend from fri at 4pm through Sun. at 4pm and a dinner visit every Wed. I wasnt trying to make a good impression on this site I way asking for advise.

[seansmom]

Thank you for your detailed reply. I will seriouly think about what you have written. But my ex has not been a good father he's an alcoholic who has never phsically hurt him but has been very neglectful.  He has parenting time now everyother weekend from fri at 4pm to sun at 4pm and a dinner visit every Wed. My lawyer has spoke with my ex's lawyer about doing weekly alcohol testing to insure his safety in his care but he has not done so. As I stated in my first letter he's trying to get back at me, he always said if I ever left him I would get nothing, no house, no money and no child. Now he knows there's nothing he can do about our property, that has to be divided, so he's using our child because it's all he has left to hurt me with. I have been a good mom and have nothing to hide, and my focus in life since his birth has been my child so I will try not to worry.
Thank You

[msme]

Would you be satisified with that same amount of contact & parenting time with your son, that his father is getting? If you haven't been to court, who set up the eow & Wed dinner visitation?

You seem to be very focused on how you are being hurt. Have you given any consideration to how much it hurts your son & his father to see so little of each other?

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[seansmom]

Yes I have thought about that. My son loves his father and would never try and keep him from him. He has not been a very attentive father but he's all he's ever known. The parenting time was agreed through our lawyers and has worked out well so far. I dont know if your a father or not and if you are I'm sure your a very good one, but my husband never has been. ei: He's never taken him to the park, movies, school, fishing, sporting event or any type of vacation in his whole life. Are money was always seperate so he rarely spent a dime on him as well. I'm the only parent who has ever taken care of him in every aspect of his life. He loves to see his dad on their parenting time, but loves to come home to his mommy.

[TPK]

You seem to feel you're "entitled" to have custody of the child because you're the mother. He may very well prevail in court and get custody. If I was you I would be scared......very scared.

Why would you need 1/2 of his money if you kept separate accounts anyway?....gold diggin'?

Maybe he'll get custody and then your quote from your last post will read  "He loves to see his Mom on their parenting time, but loves to come home to his Daddy"

TPK

[seansmom]

Obviously you have not read a word I have said. I just wanted some advise. Your obviously a very angry man.  I will not be back on this site again. You must have lost you own children............(now why don't that surprise me)