Desparate

[steven1028]

My kids and I live in different states. I live in Kansas, they live in North Carolina. Their mother relocated to Kansas for about a year and a half in an attempt to get back together, then moved back to North Carolina after getting married without anyone knowing. The kids wanted to stay with me, but she wouldn't let them. We have joint custody, with her having residential. She said that they had to go with her, but could decide after some time spent in North Carolina where they wanted to live. I get them for Christmas and Summer breaks. A total of 3 months out of the year. She complains when I get them for Christmas because it takes away her "holiday time".

When they came this summer, they talked about wanting to move here with me like their mom had said. When I told her they wanted to do that, she accused me of planting the idea in their heads. She also called them and made them feel guilty, cussing at them and calling them assorted names. She told them to stay if they wanted, that she didn't want them anyway.

She eventually bribed my daughter(10 yrs. old) into going back, but my son (12 yrs. old), did not change his mind. He said that he wanted to stay because his mother was mean to him and so was his step-father. He went so far as to call his mother a "demon in a woman's body".

Their mother then made me do all kinds of things on the spur of the moment, saying that if I didn't he couldn't stay. Like getting him enrolled in school 2 weeks before I had to. I had to enroll him on a Friday, missing some work, instead of waiting until my day off Tuesday, still 2 weeks before school started. There were a couple of other things, but you get the idea.

Then after I had done everything she asked, she told me that I couldn't have either one of them unless they both stayed. Either they both stay or they both go. So I began talking to them to see how they really felt.

My son did not want to leave at all and my daughter was still confused. During this time, I found out that my daughter had been fondled by her step-father. I was aware that he had been investigated for this at one time, but I was told it was a mix-up with another girl of the same name in my daughter's class and I spoke to my daughter myself and she told me nothing happpened.

While we were talking, however, I learned from my son that she lied to the police and the counselors because she was scared of what would happen. So, we talked and they both decided to stay here. I was going to file a report with DSS about the sexual abuse after we informed their mother of their decision. She said fine--at first. Then she sent me several text messages telling me that she changed her mind and they couldn't stay....after she had told them they could.

This is not the first time she has done this and it is just one example in a long line of mental abuse that she does to them on a regular basis. She has an older son that is now in a group home because he attacked her and her new husband. He is scheduled to get out sometime in September.

Between their mom's verbal abuse, the step-dad's sexual abuse and their brother's violent and unpredictable nature, I greatly fear for my kids safety.

I am filing a protective order Monday to keep them here while the step-father is investigated over the sexual abuse. After that, I want residential custody of them so that I can protect them the way they should have been.

I never wanted to take them away from their mother. I wanted to share our children and give them the best we possibly could. But she is not concerned for thier well-being, just her own and it's up to me to take care of my kids.

I appreciate any help or suggestions anyone can give me. Thanks!

[joni]

We're in the process of the same issue.  Not for sexual abuse but child abuse.  We're in IL, mom and child live in NY.  Child's with us for summer vacation.

In IL, we can file for emergency custody and a restraining order to keep them in IL.  Technically, NY is the child's home state.  IL can assume custody if the child is present here and the child's life is in danger if they were returned home.

Last week, we took child to several sessions with a psychologist.  The therapist is an independent, objective party who is now a witness to what the child (who's 7) told her in private.  We were not present.  The therapist told us that she freely admitted to everything and was very brave.

By law, the therapist had to notify child protective services in NY, where the mom lives.  CPS will be investigating mom in NY but not yet.  NY contact IL to have child interviewed here.  Both child protective services in NY and IL told us to file for emergency custody using family court in IL, that it was the only we could keep the child here.  AFter NY hears from IL, they will investigate the mom.

So I would say to get both kids to a therapist now and have the therapist contact child protective services in the state where the mom lives to have mom and the stepdad investigated.  IN the meantime, get a family atty to file for emergency custody and a restraining order to  keep your children with you.  Do all of this as long as you can without mom knowing.

good luck

[CustodyIQ]

1.  I suggest that you edit your original post and remove your name, unless it's an alias.

2.  Do what you believe is best for the kids' welfare.  Regardless of what would have been ideal, you can only control what happens in your home.  If the other home is threatening, as much as it may break your heart, you need to protect the children and do so aggressively.