Possible child abuse

[amymarie]

My DF (dear fiance) has joint legal and physical custody, 50/50 time split, with neither parent designated as primary.  He has had week on, week off schedule since dd was 10 Mos old (she will be 3 in August). 

In May of this year, he filed contempt against BM (birth mom) for denying visitations and for not consulting with him on medical decisions for dd.  A week after she was served the papers, he found out she was alleging that he sexually assaulted dd.  She had been sick with diarheaa and broke out really bad and BM was claiming it was an std.  Of course the std tests came back negative and DF was cleared of all allegations.

Now on to this year.  Things have gone relatively smoothly except we just had to file contempt charges against BM for not giving DF half of her tax refund that she received for dd.  When we picked up dd this Sunday, on the way home she was saying "Girls do it easy, boys do it hard".  We asked her what she was talking about and she pointed to her genitals.  We asked her who told her that and she said her momma.  DF pulled over to get gas and I proceeded to ask dd a couple more general questions (Who touches you down there - Daddy and Mommy, etc.)  I asked her if anyone had hurt her down there and she said yes, her papaw had (BM's grandfather, who they live with).  I asked her to show me how he hurt her and she took her pointer finger and said "This finger right here" and started rubbing her genitals up and down and said "That's not very nice".  I asked her if she told her mommy and she said yes and that momma said Papaw don't do that.

When we got home an hour and a half later, DF asked her similar questions and she told him the exact same thing and demonstrated it to him as well.  So we called CPS and the sent officers out and told us to take her to the hospital to get checked out.  There weren't any physical signs of abuse but the doctors said that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

So now we're having trouble because we live in a different state then BM.  Her state is the one with jurisdiction but they are not being very cooperative.  No one will call us back.  We're waiting to hear back from both CPS and the sheriff's office.  Our state wants to had dd evaluated by a forensic pyschiatrist, but they can't do anything until they get permission from her state since the abuse happened there.

We are supposed to take dd back on Sunday and we're worried that things won't be taken care of by then.  CPS here doesn't want dd to go back with BM because they are worried BM will try to convince her that what happened (if it did happen) didn't happen.  The doctor is going to write us a letter saying she thinks dd should stay here with us until the investigation is complete.  We can probably get a temporary protective order against the grandfather with that letter, but what about BM?  Is that letter enough to allow us to keep her or is there something else we need to do?  I don't think we'll be able to get a TPO against BM since she hasn't actually abused her.  But we don't trust her to keep dd away from the grandfather, especially since they live together.  She does have one other relative she could stay with (her mother), but that housing situation isn't any better since her mother has a history of drug abuse and always has random guys coming in and out of her house.

Does anyone have some advice for us? 

[Kitty C.]

You CAN get a TPO on BM just for the reason you stated, that you cannot trust her to not put your DF's DD in that situation again.......AND she didn't do anything to protect her in the first place.  If you're looking at the g-father as the perpetrator, then you have to view BM as an accessory, because she may not have seen it happen but she didn't do anything about it once she did find out.

And if you have all those agencies involved, they ought to have a way to keep the child in your jurisdiction at least for the time being.  Talk to them and see what they suggest.......they have the power of the system behind them and they can get orders much quicker.  I would think they would be the ones requestiong the TRO's anyway, since they are the ones who want to keep her in your jurisdiction.

[amymarie]

Kitty - thank you.  That's good to know and I hope you are right (we are in GA by the way).  DF is going to the courthouse on Thursday to file the TPO.  The doctor is off today so he can't get the letter from her until tomorrow.   If he gets in touch with the sheriff from her state then he may do it tomorrow afternoon, but right now he is thinking he'll probably take Thurs and Fri off and drive to her state to file the police report since so far they haven't let him do it over the phone. 

[Kitty C.]

Yes, but what are the authorities in YOUR state doing?  I would think that if CPS in GA doesn't want her to go back, they should be the ones in contact with the other state.  Seems odd to me that they are saying she shouldn't leave until their investigation is over, but yet they aren't doing anything about it?  Regardless of what the other state says, if GA has an investigation ongoing, that should take precedence.  I would think that any GA agency involved with this would do any requests for orders and would do all the communicating with the other state.

[MixedBag]

Once we dealt with two states -- and it was totally confusing.

Neither side wanted to accept jurisdiction and they were both pointing the finger in the other direction.

The only way I got results and resolution was to be very very proactive and by telling them BOTH -- "YOU two agencies have got to make up your mind because you both can't be pointing the finger in the other direction."

In the end, Jurisdiction went to where the incident happened.

NOT to where the complaint was filed.

SO....GA needs to get on the ball and inform BM's home state and so do you and file a complaint there.

Sounds like you live near a state line -- otherwise 50/50 won't last too long considering all kids grow up and go to school.

Lastly, check out BM's state's kidnapping laws -- go search on the documents on this site for "parental kidnapping".  There's a chart and reference for every state and look up the law in BM's state and your own state and make sure you understand what THAT says.

[Kitty C.]

MB, I think the difference here is that it crosses the line between civil and criminal.  Once that happens, it's a whole new set of rules.  I agree with you, often states will 'pass the buck' regarding civil proceedings and jurisdiction, but criminal is a completely different ballgame and that is the case here.  If CPS or any other agency is doing an investigation with the possible intention of prosecution, then they should be taking charge of this and should also have (or planning to have) LE involved.  Once that happens, and because this involves two different states, like depts. in either state should be working together on this (ie. CPS in both states, LE in both states, etc.).

[amymarie]

MB - Unfortunately, we are not near a state line. We are only able to keep 50/50 because dd is not yet in school. We have to go to mediation by May of next year to figure out where she will go to preschool next fall.

When BM filed abuse allegations against DF in May, GA CPS said it was not their jurisdiction and wouldn't even open a case. TN CPS opened a case and interviewed BM. DF didn't know about any of it and drove there to try to get dd and that's when he found out about it. So TN CPS interviewed him while he was there. They closed the case when the std tests came back negative but their final report did say there were jurisdictional issues which makes us believe that it really should have been GA CPS that should have taken care of it. Now the GA police did open an investigation but closed it when TN CPS closed theirs.

Now in the current situation, GA police and GA CPS are saying it is out of their jurisdiction. GA CPS did say that they would do all of the work for TN, but they have to get permission from TN first. Fortunately, TN CPS did say that it was in their jurisdiction, but they haven't called DF back (although they should call by the end of the day according to their protocal). DF has been trying to file a police report in TN over the phone but they kept giving him different numbers to call. Now they are telling him he has to speak to a specific police officer (it's a small town) and he can't get ahold of the guy. He keeps leaving messages but the guy hasn't called him back. If he doesn't call back by Thursday then DF is going to drive up there on Friday and file the report in person.

[Kitty C.]

*chuckle*  If it's a small town, he may be the only cop on duty......give him a little bit to see if he does respond.  If not, I do agree that the report needs to be filed asap.

[gemini3]

You need to file an ex parte motion so that your SD doesn't have to go back to mom's until after this has all washed out.  If he doesn't, and doesn't return the child, he could be help in contempt.  He will need to file wherever the custody determination was made.

[Davy]

IMHO, You should follow Kitty's and Gemini's wise counsel.  Under no circumstance should a parent return a child to a known abusive situation (sexual or otherwise).  I can't remember the statues but it applied to all states.  My case involved two states and subsequently I had criminal (interference with a child) charges or accusations in both states and found to be not guilty in both states.

The beauty or should I say judicial abuse is that I did not even know of the the charges or hearings until some months later.  They did not want the testimony on public record.