Out of State Visitation questions-help

[MomofTwo]

I was strictly speaking from a LEGAL perspective.  A court order for child support has nothing to do with his right to parenting time.  In 5 years he never pursued any type of parenting time.  He accepted three weeks a year.  Hmm, seems just as deplorable.  How do you get off blaming Mom ? Poster never said who moved. What if it was in fact him who caused the distance and moved from his child and thus the rather low involvement in his child's life.   Yes, it is the child's time with her father, but it is the father who has to seek the time.  The child is the ojbect of a visitation schedule, but they are not the ones who have to pursue it.  That would be up to the "parent."   

[Davy]

In the beginning, I poured thru 100's apon 100's of LEGAL statues and found absolutely nothing stating mothers should primarily receive custody of children along with an economic entitlement mostly without an examination of the parents.

I know good fathers that have not seen their children for 30 - 35 years ... they relocated across the country in hopes of having a relationship with their now adult children.  I have not seen my daughter in 26 years that she was not in crisis or turmoil.

Please find one excuse or reason for these situations.  They don't exist.


Momofftoo, can you please reach deep, find a little human decency and stop trying to manipulatie these boards with your pent up liberalism.  You're only hurting children.

Maybe you should start advocating and practicing 50/50 with no financial gain on your part.

Make that LEGAL.

[MomofTwo]

Davy,
I almost feel sorry for you...almost.

How you take one person's posts and questions and try to make it about the status of custodial decisions across the nation, I am not sure.   When I reply to somoene, I am not replying about custody for everyone else, I am replying based on their question. I don't use this forum as my personal soap box for everything that is wrong.   How you take a post where the poster never says who created the decision and slam the mother (and you do this constantly),  I am not sure.  Pent up liberalism, no.  My only point is you really should stop criticizing mothers when you nor I nor anyone else reading the post was given any facts about who created the distance from his child.   How am I hurting children in responding that there is a sitatuation that we have no background on.  Background on who created distance is relevent and be realistic 50/50 is impossible when you don't even reside in the same area.  I don't care that many parents move to be near their child, I think they should, I was only answering THIS poster.

[olanna]

... I have not seen my daughter in 26 years that she was not in crisis or turmoil....

And this is the mother's fault? 

[Raisin_3]

Ocean gave you great advice.  It is not reasonable for you to expect the entire summer as Mom is entitled to vacation time as well.  Typically 4-6 weeks in the summer plus rotate holidays depending on odd/even years.

Back when we had a visitation order my ds had to spend the whole summer with bm and she didn't want the whole summer, he didn't want to go the whole summer and we didn't want to send him the whole summer.  Guess that was how it goes though. 

[Davy]

olanna .... YES but why would you ask ?  She told her brother several years ago after years of counseling (I was not involved of course) that what has happened to her was done intentionally and on purpose in order to control her.  She's an RN and she's not stupid ...two children of her own.

[Davy]

Momofftoo consistenly makes comments that do no make sense.

Let's please get back to the OP situation where the child has not had access to her father except for three weeks over a two year period.  Sad.  No civilized society should tolerate this human condition and that's why I sighted other examples ... one  man retired when he was 73 yrs old and relocated in hopes of having a relationship with his now grown daughters ... a relationship he wasn't allowed when the girls were growing up (all in the same community).  His hurt and pain is too deep to speak about it .... his wife explained. 

Please help if you can.

[MomofTwo]

Davy,
Like everyone does, he has had access to the court system. If at any time prior to now he was dissatisfied with only seeing his child 3 weeks in two years, he should have filed for visitation.  How is him not pursuing a more balanced schedule the CP's fault?? And I put it in terms of him having access to his child because it is not up to the child to initiate anything to see her father.  In a utopian world, everyone would play nice and share access and do everything they are supposed to do, but it's not perfect and that is why everyone has access to the courts.

Please please show me where poster said he filed for more visitation, please show me where poster said CP created the distance and therefore the lack of shared parenting.  Please explain how this is the CP fault. 

Stop bringing up stories that have absolutely no relevance at all to what posters are seeking specific help with. 

[Kitty C.]

MomofTwo stated:  'It is not reasonable for you to expect the entire summer as Mom is entitled to vacation time as well.  Typically 4-6 weeks in the summer plus rotate holidays depending on odd/even years.'

I beg to differ.  In a LD agreement, entire summer parenting time can be common and that is exactly what we had for almost 10 years.  From the time DS was 5 y.o. until he was 14, he spent all but 2 weeks of summer with his dad in CA.  He left one week after school was out and came back one week before school started.  Since the agreement was made in CA and suggested by the court, I assumed at that time that this was a standard LD schedule in that state.  And given that DS only got to spend every other Christmas with his dad, other than the summer time (only because neither I or Dad could afford any more trans. costs beyond that and DS had no other extended time off from school), this still was never enough time for DS to spend with his dad.  And Dad was the one who moved away, BTW.

I never got to spend 4th of July with him or take him on vacations until after he was 14..........but that was inconsequential compared the the minimal amount of time DS had his dad in his life.  Thank God he could spend all summer there, because in his 13th year, his dad died of cancer while DS was spending the summer there.  I would have never been able to forgive myself if I had selfishly demanded that DS spend part of the summer with me.....

[Davy]

Momofftoo...OP clearly states that he has been trying to reach agreements outside of the court room.  And continues that he (and therefore his daughter) gets jerked around all the time and ends with he needs to get court-ordered visitation.  How much more clear could he be.   All the other conditions you PLACED on him in your self-centered infinite wisdom.   

Unlike you, some parents do not believe their children should be up for sale and a court should decide when, where, and how often a child has access to a parent especially when children are not part of the decision process.   In other words, to some of us, there is no love lost with a system that is one-side and substantially broken ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE WELFARE OF CHILDREN..

The few examples I bring forward are pertinant to the poster and to let him know he's not alone.  How very sad is that.  He must get lucrative access NOW.  It is best for all concerned.   He should also know her behavior is the exception rather that the rule.

And one other thing, my kids mother did not seek a visitation order but I took them out of state to see her numerous times.  They made the arrangements with her (at my urging) and it was still frought with turmoil.  The very few times she came here ( except when she was able to kidnap ys from his school) she was always included in all events, dinner invites, etc (also at my urging) same turmoil and embarrassment to them.