Do fathers with custody seldom get child support?

[snowrose]

My DH is reluctant to go for child support.  He feels that fathers seldom get child support and doesn't want to spend the money to find out.  Since we would be pro se anyhow and there is no cost for filing a motion, I'm not so sure that we would be spending money to request this.

BM is working at a couple-based job with her boyfriend; they are supers of a condominium.  I've done some research and in this area couples doing this kind of job can make about $32,000 to $38,000 per year.

Is there a reason why we couldn't ask for child support, now that BM is working?  Will courts not grant child support to the father just because you're asking the mother for money?

(BTW, for the record and not knowing if it would make any difference.  DH got custody easily because BM's BF physically abused the child.  But the custody order said no child support requested, but that would not prejudice requesting child support of BM in the future.)

Thanks for any help you can give.

Teri

[Shanni]

When I went for child support I just went to the CS office and filed for it, parents were sent paperwor to fill out and and a hearing date was set, an administrative order was made, and I had it heard in front of a judge to make it an order.  I did not need an attorney to do to this, It was this way in Virginia and Ohio. 

Check with the Child support office in your locality

[Kitty C.]

There are a LOT of factors to think about here.  One of the main reasons why fathers won't go after support is because, in most jurisdictions, they don't go after moms for non-payment as aggressively as they do dads.  Another thing to think about:  how much would it piss off the BM if he did file?  Regardless of why custody was reversed, it could open a whole new can of worms if he applied for CS.....like pissing BM off to the point where she files for custody as retribution.  It doesn't mean she has a snowball's chance of winning, but it could certainly throw everyone involved (especially the child) into turmoil for who knows how long into the foreseeable future.  BM might try to make it nasty enough to force the issue dropped, just to be vindictive...........and that might be one of the nicer things she could try.

So what Dad has to weigh here are the pros and cons, especially since only he can know how the BM might react to the petition.  Also, there must be a reason why CS wasn't ordered in the first place and that would be your first clue as to whether it's even feasible and worth the headache now.

[snowrose]

it could open a whole new can of worms if he applied for CS.....like pissing BM off to the point where she files for custody as retribution.  It doesn't mean she has a snowball's chance of winning, but it could certainly throw everyone involved (especially the child) into turmoil for who knows how long into the foreseeable future.

She already threatened to do that, because I was "yelling" at SD.  (It's called parenting.)  Put us in turmoil for a bit, until CPS told her there's no way she'd win because "yelling" at a child when they've done something wrong wasn't considered abuse, and it certainly wouldn't override the reason that we got custody of SD.

Also, there must be a reason why CS wasn't ordered in the first place and that would be your first clue as to whether it's even feasible and worth the headache now.

BM wasn't working when the CO was written.  She was living off of Disability, saying she couldn't work because she's "bipolar".  But now she and her BF are working a job together.

At this point it's looking like it's not worth it.  I guess it just seemed like a good idea both because the money would help us, no matter how small the amount, and because it seemed appropriate that BM should help with the cost of raising her daughter.  (SD is non-bio to both DH and I.)

[ocean]

When she was on disability, did you put in a claim for SD? If it was SSDI, you could of gotten money for her.

I would file the papers yourself and see what happens. There seems to be a long history so she can not get custody back. You can write that when custody was awarded BM was not working but now she has a job with XXX. (Is this a job that CSE can deduct from her paycheck? A real company?). Worst that can happen is that you get nothing but when you go and it looks like it is going south, just ask for a min to help support SD since she is a bio parent. Where is bio-father? Can you go after him?

[snowrose]

When she was on disability, did you put in a claim for SD? If it was SSDI, you could of gotten money for her.

BM had custody when she was on Disability.

I would file the papers yourself and see what happens. There seems to be a long history so she can not get custody back. You can write that when custody was awarded BM was not working but now she has a job with XXX. (Is this a job that CSE can deduct from her paycheck? A real company?).

It appears so.  The condominium is a listed corporation.

Worst that can happen is that you get nothing but when you go and it looks like it is going south, just ask for a min to help support SD since she is a bio parent.

There is no minimum.  Support is set by guideline tables, based on income.  You can agree to more (my DH paid more when BM had custody because he wanted SD to have the money - not that SD was ever the one who got the money), but you can't get less.

Where is bio-father? Can you go after him?

BM met him on the internet some 10 years ago, while she was still married to my DH.  She contacted him once on Facebook (I think it was Facebook?) when SD was about 3, to show him what SD looked like.  I believe he lives about an hour from here - or at least he used to.  No telling where he is now.

As to whether we could go after him, I haven't the slightest idea.  I've tried to get information on that from various legal groups but no one has ever answered the question.   

I have a feeling that question would be a really hard knot to untangle, legally.

[anera]

what state do you live in? both parents are obligated to provide (support) there minor children.
Dont let them due to there gender biase make the children suffer.. they need support!!
If your husband is reluctant to file, then maybe he cares more for mom then the children and you! you shouldnt have to be burdened with the extra cost when bio-mom is more then capable of providing some sort of support. I wouldnt go thru cse, I would petition the court for child support.
I really need to know what state you live in and what circuit court to be more precise as to what to do?
does the bio-mom have visitation with the children? if so is it supervised and how often?

[snowrose]

Actually, Anera, we're in Ontario Canada.

BM does have visitation.  It was supervised for the first 8 months then she switched to unsupervised and started adding in days, finally ending in a near regular schedule. 

She still doesn't take all the days listed in the custody order.  She doesn't want to have SD on the Thursday evening just before her EOWE with SD.  So she sees SD 6 days every two weeks: Tue, Thur, Tue, Fri, Sat, Sun.

[anera]

She has worked her way back to being in the childs life, this can also be used as arguement for your hesitation to petition for support, as you wanted the mom to better her relationship with child as this is in the best interest of the child and also given bio-mom time to be able to get on her feet so as to contribute to the support of the child, you might want to start with some nicely written letters to bio-mom with copies of bills (medical,clothing, school activities etc..) this will show a good faith effort as to keeping bio-mom informed also asking her to reimburse you for half of that care.  It also show's that you have given her an opportunity to be part of daughters financial care.  make a copy of this letter for yourself along with the tracking number from the certification (write number on letter) ask her to respond in 30 days. if you dont here from her then you can use this in court. it will reflect that you do have the childs best interest in mind and shows her lack of concern for the childs care and child support needs to be court ordered and a income deduction order needs to be granted on behalf of the minor child.

I'm not sure how canada calculates child support but, I'm sure they take into account the cost of housing and food.

and your letter to bio-mom doesnt even ask for that, which shows bio-mom wont even provide the minimal financial support

[snowrose]

Truth be told, anera *whisper* it would be in SD's best interest if she had as little contact with her bio-mom as she can handle.  The adult SS's have both written BM off for good reason.  SD has been through abuse, has had CPS work with her for 18 months now, and has had a therapist for 8 months, now.

Canada calculates support based on a simple income table, each Province having its own table.  If NCP makes X amount, support is Y amount.

Thanks for the idea about the letter.  That would be a good way to start, though I guess it would also warn BM that we're looking at getting some CS from her.  (But since she's done things like steal school magazine money we gave SD, I really don't think we'll be getting any money from her unless we go through official channels.)