this is my first time posting, not sure where this should go

[justthesitter]

Hi, my name is Lorie.  I have used this site in the past for my brother.  Now I am searching for a friend whose baby girl I babysit for.
   I have had this little girl for about a year and a half.  She has become a very important part of our family.  She is 2 yrs. old now.
   Her father and mother are divorced.  The father has full custody.  The mother is a heavy drinker, has visitation.  Father gives mother anytime visits whenever she likes.
   They(Mother and Father) moved in together for about a year.  Mother was hiding her drinking, when confronted, she didn't really care and did it blatently(Sp?) in front of child and Husband and other son (which by the way, she doesn't have custody of either,for the same reason).
   The point is she is taking ex-husband back to court for full custody and wants him to pay for all expenses.  He received his papers this morning from the sheriff.
   What are the chances she will win this?  And what re-course should the custodial father take at this time?  

 
                               

[dontunderstand]

All expenses like what?  He will probably have to pay for an attorney, however he can always ask his attorney to ask the court to make her pay for his attorney fees.  
If your friend has had custody of her to this point, BM is going to have to prove that there is a substantial change of circumstance.  Also, if BF can prove that she is an alcoholic, she will have to be clean and sober for a period of time.   She won't be able to just go to court and say I want my child now...

[justthesitter]

    Thanks for the response.  She is wanting him to pay for her attorney and the guardian ed lidem (sp?)  He has court papers that say she shall not drink or be drinking when she has the little girl.  She had just spent the night at his home, drunk when she got there, last Thursday.  We found out today she put this into motion on 9-28-05.  She has also been to my home to pick the little girl up, with alcohol on her breath.  
     We can't imagine why an attorney would take her money and re-open the case telling her she has a very good chance of winning.  The only circumstance that has changed is he kicked her out of the home after being there a year.
   How is he supposed to prove she is drinking again to the courts or whoever?  
                             Thanks  

[smtotwo]

DH's ex claimed that he and I were picking up the chidlren after drinking
(we don't drink)  so we asked that this stipulation be put in place..

If either party suspects the other of drinking at P/U or D/O the suspecting party may request  a sheriff do a breathalyzer.

If the party has been drinking they will be responsible for the cost of the sheriff conducting the test, If not the other party will be responsible for the cost.

We never had a problem with this again. However for you it seems like a valid stipulation.

If she refuses to take the breathalyzer then she cannot take the child.

[Sunshine1]

On top of that, if you are the child's babysitter, I can not believe you let her pick her up and DRIVE her somewhere while intoxicated, knowing what you know about her drinking and smelling it on her breath.  No way would I let her take her ever again if you suspect anything.

If I was him, I would be hysterically mad at you for knowing she was drunk and letting her pick up their child. What if she was in an accident?   So what if your wrong, and it will probably cause a scene, by you being a daycare provider (are you licensed or just a side job?) If you are licensed you are a mandatory reporter and could be held liable if there was an accident.  I for one would be eternally grateful for you being on the cautious side.  Better safe than sorry, and the clause above is an excellent idea.

[smtotwo]

Whats she going to do?  Call the police?  That would be perfect for the father, what better way to catch her drinking and driving with the child.

If she doesn't call the police then you could and again not allow her to take the child until they get there.

[justthesitter]

This is just a side job for me, but I am attached to the child.  I have no paperwork on my side to inforce something like that.  And, yes it would cause a scene.  I have nothing saying in writing, legally that I should do the things you describe.
    I am like the middle man in all of this.  I am scared something WILL happen.  I would feel terrible if it did.   He does know she comes here like that. I have called and told him so.   Since all of this has happened I don't have to have much contact with her anymore.  
    She has pointed out many, many, many times to me  "I appreciate everything you have done for Kayla and I but, I am her mother".  Boy, does that burn my butt!!  You don't know how many times I have wanted to say, " Then why don't you act like one".  
     So, that is why I am asking for all the advice and anything else I can get.  I just don't know why she cannot see what she is doing to herself or her child, but that is how she lost her son too!
           Thanks for all the advise I really appreciate it!!!!

[Sunshine1]

You don't need paperwork to stop her from picking her up.  If you suspect she is at all intoxicated you do not have to let her go.  Let her call the cops, see what they do.  That father should not be allowing the mother to pick her up in that condition.

If he is worried about custody, this is a sure fire way to get documentation that she tried to pick up her child drunk.  Do not let her go next time....you don't have to and call the father immediately to come get her, the police will advise that as well.

Good luck :)