Need advice for a bad situation

[PhilaDaddy]

I am the father of a beautiful 5 year old boy.  The mother and myself have been separated for a year and a half with no formal custody drawn out.  Everything has been going well until I discovered that my mother's partner (she is lesbian now) was physically abusive to my son's mother.  My son was a witness to this abuse.  Upon further examination, I have also found out that my son's mother was also physically abusive to her partner.  This argument was severe enough that the police were called.  I confronted my son's mother about these things and she confirmed them.  I have tried everything in my power to be as fair as possible as to living arrangements but with this knowledge, I cannot with a sane heart allow my son to be in that house with two physically abusive people.  Another thing that bothers me, but I don't know if this matters, is that my son's mother has allowed her partner to bring her very sick grandfather to live with them. I believe that the only reason they have this man living there, in the living room, is because his monthly stipends (I believe he gets SSI and something else) pays the bills in the house.  Because of this man, the entire 1st floor of her house is now this poor man's bedroom and bathroom (he is invalid). My home is a very stable place for my son.  All of his friends live within 1/2 block from where I live.  I have been paying for school (pre-school and now private catholic school) without any assistance from her.  I pay for all the clothes, medicine, health care, etc... . I pick him up and drop him off from school every day.  I am self-employed which gives me a lot of negotiating room so I can be where ever my son needs me to be.  His mother works part time. She is on unemployment and also wants to use my son as leverage to get welfare.

Before she gets a chance to possibly try to take my son away from me or file for child support, I want to file for full custody.  What steps can I take? The only family lawyer I have had contact with took my money and then I didn't hear from him for 1.5 months.  I need a recommendation for a lawyer in the Philadelphia area.  Any experience anyone has or experience anyone can share as to what I can/should do would be greatly appreciated.

[superdad01]

well consult an attorney for sure. You gotta be slick with this one. Overnights is the only thing that matters. Not that you have him everday... overnights is what determines everthing.  If you can get something in place on a schedule then while your in court, you can show proof that you have had your child on a nightly basis etc...

Once you file and she knows it, expect her to remove as much as your time as she can... Which she can because you have no order in place. Expect accuations to come your way of you being unfit etc... it happens everday.

[tito223]

i have been married to my wife for a year now we just had a cute lil boy who is a month now i want to take custudy Before she gets a chance to possibly try to take my son away from me or file for child support, I want to file for full custody but what happens if i dont have a job but  i am fighting for ssi incourt rite now what can t she has ssi rite also

[CuriousMom]

PhilaDaddy -

I'm in PA but not from the Philly area, can't help with the attorney part.  I would start documenting everything, beginning with what you just posted here and anything else you can remember.

There is a lot of good advice in here about doing this pro se if you can't find an attorney.  If paternity hasn't been established I would start there and also see if you can work with your son's mother to formalize a custody schedule.  If not, file for custody - 50/50.  I'm not sure how the abuse part would effect your particular custody decision - I haven't had any experience with that situation.  But if that's the case, maybe you could file for primary custody and give your son's mother partial visitation. 

I've been in family court since March and quite honestly, I haven't seen any consistency in decisions - at least in my area.  Actually scheduled for a full blown custody trial the end of October.

[MomofTwo]

PhilaDad-
None of what you said is typically  a reason for a change in custody.  The abuse in the relationship is not good and could be a a factor, but the courts will want to know if the abuse is occuring to the child. If  the child is not abused, they typically don't remove a child because of that.
They also won't change custody due to a sickly relative living with someone. 

Were you married and was paternity ever established?

[tigger]

i have been married to my wife for a year now we just had a cute lil boy who is a month now i want to take custudy Before she gets a chance to possibly try to take my son away from me or file for child support, I want to file for full custody but what happens if i dont have a job but  i am fighting for ssi incourt rite now what can t she has ssi rite also

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