Just need to vent a little bit....

[lucky]

My dd is 22 yo and has a 2-1/2 yo little boy.  She broke up/moved out of the home with her bf (daddy) 5 weeks ago.  We spent a LOT of money going to get her and bring her stuff back along with the little one.  We spent a lot of money stocking our fridge & cupboards with food a toddler eats (at least what this one eats).  We loaned her our vehicle, loaned her money for gas, loaned her money for cigarettes.  We let her slide on last month's cell phone bill.

She left the guy because he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to her.  She never called the police though - didn't want to put her son's daddy in jail.  She was the primary provider and caretaker of the little one.  She had a job and while she was at work, the little one was in daycare.  Daddy didn't work, instead he stayed at home all day/night drank, smoked dope and did God knows what else and told dd that he was too busy to take care of the little one when she was at work.

Daddy's brother-in-law owns a company that is and always has (15 years now) done EXTREMELY well.  I would have to say that he & sister pull down about $500K per year AFTER taxes, etc.  NOT kidding, this guy and his brother hit the jackpot with their business model.  So, paying for an attorney - a GOOD attorney - will not be a problem.  We've been telling dd that she needs to get a parenting time agreement put together and get daddy to sign it.  She hasn't done it.

Now is my issue - she was here 6 days when she sent the little one 3-1/2 hours to daddy's for a week - and had no way of picking him up the following weekend (our extra vehicle is not reliable enough to go that far).  She found a friend who was coming near our town from there and managed to arrange for the friend to bring him home.  She then had him for the next week during which she got a part-time job. 

The first day was the following Monday and she had to work from 2pm to 4pm, after that day, she didn't start till 4pm or later which was expected.  We'd taken the insurance off the extra vehicle because we couldn't afford it till she could start paying at least for gas.  DH and I were not able to babysit due to our own jobs and she claimed that she couldn't find anyone to babysit that first day because she didn't have a vehicle to drive so she sent the little one back up north to daddy's again without having any way to pick him up.

The following Sunday daddy was at his sister's which is about 5 miles from our home.  He didn't tell dd that he was in town, instead, packed little one up at the end of the day and took him back north.  That was last Sunday, at this time, she hasn't gotten little one back.  In the meantime, she's partying her a** off like she doesn't care and we got in a HUGE fight about it.

I think she's being set up.  She certainly can't use his drug and alcohol usage against him or the whole caretaking thing when she voluntarily sends him up there to stay for weeks on end.  And she says "oh, he won't do that".  AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  I'm just grandma!  If she doesn't want him, daddy will get him.  Then he'll revert to his old ways and HIS parents will end up taking care of the little one!  And his mother uses drugs too!!!!!  The younger brother uses and deals!  His dad is disabled and has trouble walking, much less taking care of a toddler.

There isn't a damn thing I can do and it's driving me crazy!  The only way DH and I will ever be able to do anything is if the above really happens and my dd doesn't straighten her act up.

And honestly, at this point in time, she's got to become the model citizen if she wants to win because we can't afford an attorney and it's REALLY difficult to get help from legal aid right now because of financial cuts to the program.

I just needed to vent.  I know what she should be doing and I'm more than willing to help her, but she HAS to want to do it and HAS to want the help.  Right now she just seems to want to be the young, cute, single girl instead of the mother she chose to be.  And it'll be damn hard to forgive her if she just gives that little boy up because I KNOW that she won't be seeing him because they won't transport at all, not even meeting half way - his parents do all that and mom hates my dd and warned her about taking the little one away from her.  The only reason they do transport now is because they're coming to get him. 

[DenRose134]

Why did you take a lot of loan? I just want to tell her that whenever that guy did to her with regards to the money, she must called the police and let them arrest him so that he would not do that again to other person.

[gemini3]

I think sometimes you have to just say the serenity prayer, cross your fingers and throw some salt over your back.   

I am hoping that everything will work out and they little boy can have access to both his parents while he grows up.  If they're both young and a little immature there is still hope that they will grow up and things won't be like this forever.  Hard for you to watch though, with the years of wisdom you have and how much you love your grandson. 

[snowrose]

Have you ever considered going for custody of the toddler yourselves?  I know it's a burden (I've taken on a similar one myself) but maybe the child would be better off.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

[lucky]

Depending upon how things play out, dh and I may attempt to obtain custody.  At this point, neither of them are "bad" enough that we have a chance of succeeding.  Not to mention that I don't want to take my dd's son away from her - I'd rather she get her act together.

She did go pick him up last Thursday and now has moved in with a guy she dated prior to getting together with the little one's daddy.  That's who she's been partying with so who knows how this will go when they have a little one full-time.  She'd dragged her younger stepsister up 3.5 hours north of here to pick him up then bailed on her stepsister leaving her to find her way home after giving her bad directions.  I flipped on her because her stepsister called us up crying as she was driving the opposite direction of home.  So dd decided to move - she's tired of having nothing and being treated like a child.  Well, if the shoe fits.

Anyway, she works closing at Arby's about 5 blocks from our home and we're her daycare so we'll get to spend a lot of time with the little one and make sure that he's got some stability.