1st POST/VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION/FATHER NEES HELP

[evalisto2005]

Okay, this is my 1st post here even though I joined a while back.

I live in Illinois and am suing for custody of my son. His mother and

I were never married. She refuses to move out of her mother's house

even though her mother uses and sells crack. Her mother that she lives

with did prison time before for dealing and was arrested again for

possession of 12 grams of cocaine with intent to deliver. The house is a

pig sty and all Summer long the grass in the yard was literally five feet

high. My son's mother was arrested for driving on a suspended license,

then again for failure to appear for it, and she still drives around with

my son in her vehicle. Her mother that she keeps my son around used

to (before my son was conceived) let a guy that did 20 years of a 40

year sentence for rape and murder live there and beat and rape my

son's mother because she wanted him around to help support her crack

habit. My son's mother has post traumatic stress

disorder because of what she saw happen to her father when she was

young and because of that she will not take my son to a doctor except

for a regular check up. An ultra sound was ordered for my son for his

heart, and so was a sleep study for possible sleep apnea but his mother

will not take him to a doctor. I noticed obvious problems with my son's

develpoment and had him evaluated. He is about to be three years old

but is only at a 1-2 year level in most areas (speech, communication,

etc.) I only have him on weekends and no sleep specialists or

cardiologists that I found do intitial consultations on evenings or

weekends so my hands are tied.

For a while things in court were put on hold and my attorney said that

we needed to go up in front of the original judge because the stand in

judge almost always sides with women and hates my lawyer apparently.

My son's mother and I were sent to mediation again to try to work on

visitation and for me to show the Mediator my proof, and for my son's

mother to bury herself. When the Mediator report is done he will be

saying who he thinks is more of a fit parent but my son's mother keeps

blowing off Mediation (which is court ordered).


So what's my baggage? I have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed not very

long ago and before I was diagnosed doctors said that I was a

hypocondriac and had insomnia, depression, and anxiety so for a long

time I was labeled as "mentally ill". To make matters worse I was

homeless for a while because of identity theft and money lost to medical

bills. I ended up with a torn groin muscle and a blown out knee and

ankle. Because of not being able to walk and having no where to go, I

lied in the ER and said that I tried to kill myself by drinking myself to

death before I got there. I said that so that I would be put into a psyche

facility, get medical attention, and not be stuck out in the cold. I used

drinking as a lie because I knew that could come back and haunt me. I

thought that since they'd be doing a BAC that would show that I had no

alcohol in me that it would better help prove that I was lying just to

have a place to go. The doctor in the psyche facility ended up believing

me after I explained my situation and released me after I got better and

told him my story.

For now I am in a lot of physical therapy and that keeps me from having

a 9-5 job so for now I'm on social security disability and my family is

subsidizing me. I can not work hard labor jobs because they make my

fibromyalgia flare up.

There's all my baggage and not a fraction of my son's mother's.

A status hearing to see what the Mediator's report says is on Demember

16th but we still have two more appointments to make.

Is my son's mother just putting things off because oif fear of losing

custody or is she maybe buying time for another reason? And what

should I expect after the Mediator report is in? All of my allegations can

be proven and most of them were admitted to by my son's mother.

I am ready for the worst news but I really don't see how the courts

could let my son's mother keep custody.

Also, is it possible to get a parent court ordered to have speech and

other therapy done or is that unconstitutional? Sorry, I'm lost.


Thank you for reading this.

[marnbuk]

You can get almost anything ordered for the best interest of your son. It sounds like both you and the BM have a lot of baggage. If the BM gets an attorney she can have your records suppoenad if they pertain to the child. Anything before the childs birth isnt really relative to the situation. Are there any reports from DHS/CPS? Have you ever called them for abuse or neglect? It sounds like it would be in both of your best interest to mediate this. A judge could get mad if you both have baggage and remove the child from both of you. I am not sure about the mediator report in Texas a mediator does not give a report they try to get the parents to agree on things. You may be talking about an evaluator?

[evalisto2005]

>You can get almost anything ordered for the best interest of
>your son. It sounds like both you and the BM have a lot of
>baggage. If the BM gets an attorney she can have your records
>suppoenad if they pertain to the child. Anything before the
>childs birth isnt really relative to the situation. Are there
>any reports from DHS/CPS? Have you ever called them for abuse
>or neglect? It sounds like it would be in both of your best
>interest to mediate this. A judge could get mad if you both
>have baggage and remove the child from both of you. I am not
>sure about the mediator report in Texas a mediator does not
>give a report they try to get the parents to agree on things.
>You may be talking about an evaluator?

Yes, I believe that that will be ordered. My son's mother just has to have time to respond.

Yes, MANY  reports from DCFS! They were all unfounded but reports showed that an apartment that my son's mother was living in with my son was completely full of garbage. There was used kitty litter, cat feces, cat urine, broken beer bottles, marijuana roaches, moldy dishes, used condoms, and other garbage all over the place. I think my son's mother lied and said that she didn't have my son there. Also, in my state DCFS never does anything much unless a parent is caught beating a child or worse. I alsp have police reports from welfare checks I had done that show that the officers that looked into her house/her mother's house saw garbage covering every floor that they could see in the place and that the three attack dogs were running loose. They handed it over to DCFS because there was no contact. My son's mother cleaned the place up and then stopped refusing to anser the door. DCFS said that I was committing harrassment and did not want to deal with it after a while. I did learn though that 16 people that I do not know a thing about called DCFS on my son's mother in under one month. But DCFS only keeps files open for active cases so I can get nothing so far and their cases were unfounded.

The only real problem that I was told I'd maybe have is that I'm on disability. My son could get it if I was the custodial parent. I don't want hand outs but when I'm done with physical therapy I will be able to have a 9-5 type of job.

Yeah, I thought that a Mediator only Mediates but in the Mediation petition it says that we are seeing him for "Custody And Visitation" and I was told that he will be giving his opinion as to who is more fit. I'm sure that there will be psyche evals, parent interaction evals, etc. done but this Mediator will be giving his opnion. My attorney will know when she gets his report if she should go right for emergency custody. I almost got it before with just my word against hers but now I have proof so we'll see.

My case was in court last Friday. I did not need to be present though. I found out that my son's mother was granted temporary custody without prejudice. That's strange because she already had sole custody. So is that a sign of something good or is that just the way the courts do tings since not all of my case is not proven yet?

Thank you for replying to my post, I know it was hell to read it.

God bless ya.

[marnbuk]

My husband has been through a lot of this same thing. You can read his previous post. He eventually did get custody. Do you believe the BM is using drugs? You can request hair follicle drug testing. Remember anything you request goes both ways. I dont know why being on disability would cause concern it isnt any worse than being on welfare and they give custody to welfare recipients all the time. Does the BM have an attorney? There are things you can do if DCFS is not doing their job properly but if you are already in court proceedings you need to discuss this with your attorney first. You can also request a homestudy and evaluations but it can get very expensive. I am not sure about why they would give her custody without prejudice. Without prejudice means it can be tried again. Is your attorney taking DCFS with you to court? If the child is in school/daycare it is in your best interest to make yourself known and ensure you are listed as a contact. Also dont make excuses for the BM such as she suffers from PTSD. If you are making excuses for her then you have already fought half her battle. Remember things you post here could be used in court if BM saw it and can prove you are the one that wrote it. Keep on top of it. BM will either give up or straighten up. If she is on drugs it is a matter of time before it all catches up to her.

[evalisto2005]

>My husband has been through a lot of this same thing. You can
>read his previous post. He eventually did get custody. Do you
>believe the BM is using drugs? You can request hair follicle
>drug testing. Remember anything you request goes both ways. I
>dont know why being on disability would cause concern it isnt
>any worse than being on welfare and they give custody to
>welfare recipients all the time. Does the BM have an attorney?
>There are things you can do if DCFS is not doing their job
>properly but if you are already in court proceedings you need
>to discuss this with your attorney first. You can also request
>a homestudy and evaluations but it can get very expensive. I
>am not sure about why they would give her custody without
>prejudice. Without prejudice means it can be tried again. Is
>your attorney taking DCFS with you to court? If the child is
>in school/daycare it is in your best interest to make yourself
>known and ensure you are listed as a contact. Also dont make
>excuses for the BM such as she suffers from PTSD. If you are
>making excuses for her then you have already fought half her
>battle. Remember things you post here could be used in court
>if BM saw it and can prove you are the one that wrote it. Keep
>on top of it. BM will either give up or straighten up. If she
>is on drugs it is a matter of time before it all catches up to
>her.


Thank you.

Yes, she is using drugs. I belive that she will be using the "I doctor precsribed Xanax for me, I take herbal OTC meds, etc." as an excuse for testing positive.

It's okay if it goes both ways, I don't do any drugs. My attorney has not requested certain important things yet, stating that she wants BM to agree upon visitation first and let her ruin things on her own in front of Mediator and other evaluators so that it won't be my word against hers.

Yes, BM has an attorney. He is still listed as her attorney but wants to drop her because she never paid him a dime, and her signature is on the last court documents instead of his.

Yes, my attorney will be getting DCFS investigators involved. My attorney thinks that I won't have to do much when the Mediator/evaluator report is final but BM keeps dodging going even though I offered to pay for it, offered to provide transportation, and a babysitter. I think it's because she knows what will happen.

Yes, I know not to make excuses for her, I just wanted to post the facts. I know that I just need to state that she will not take him to get medical attention and to show proof.

I am in contact with the school district and so far she wants him to be in pre-school according to what she says but she does not want him to get the help that he needs. She ants to give him a crash course lesson that is really making his speech worse.

I know that she will not give up or straighten up, that is just her. Don't get me wrong. My son is the biggest blessing! But she was a room mate of mine and had I not been just out of the hospital on pain killers, muscle relaxers and tranquilzers, I would not have has sex with her.

I will be having a PI get things on video when possible (I don't have the money now) and I am postive that she would be caught doing lots of things that are a threat to my son's safety. I want to pay some one I know to do the work. People can be bought but video footage does not lie.

It's a really long painful mess because she is allowed to repspond to allegations and when it comes down to it, there would literally be a hundred or so pages of my allegations and she will fire back with lies that I threatened to kill her. It's just non-stop.

My attorney did tell me that I can't get custody or emergency custody yet because the Mediator/Evaluator report is not done yet, and because there's so much more that we need to prove to make sure that I get custody. Some of the stand in judges are biased no matter what so my attorney has been rying to get things done in front of a certain judge, and has not charged me extra for it.

Thanks for reading all of this and yes, I did see the post that you had mentioned. Thanks again and Congrats!