Visitation and Deployment

[gemini3]

You could also have your lawyer send her a letter requesting that the children be available for a video conference on certain days at certain times during their father's deployment, and asking for a response in writing if they will not be available at those times.  Then call at the specified times and notate whether or not you were able to talk to the kids.

[rolo2302]

It seems that she gets information that she has to let me talk to the kids through lawyers and if she doesn't action will be taken in court and she complies for the time being and then decides later on nevermind that's too much work for me to keep doing that. That's like in the summer. I wanted to have my son for a few days before I got deployed and she didn't want to let me have him. I told her it was in the decree that I get him in the summer for 2 weeks and she still was refusing me that time. The only way she complied was through the lawyers and being threatened with action if she didn't comply with it. Then she just goes back to the same thing and refuses me all over again. That's why i was wondering if it was possible to get a change of custody because this isn't a 1 time thing. It's on going and it's the same thing each time.

[gemini3]

I'm not sure that it will be enough to warrant a change in custody.  Unfortunately things move very slowly with these issues, and you have to take baby steps. 

Your first should be to have your CO changed to include video communication, and also to include make-up time for any visitation missed due to deployment.  There are some who will say you shouldn't get this - but there are judges who will do it.  Especially now, when there is a much more sympathetic atmosphere towards the sacrifices of service members.  My husband has the make-up time clause in his order, and he has it so that the kids still get to visit with our family when he is deployed - which helps a LOT with the communication.  I will make sure he gets to talk to the kids.  His ex... not so much.

Once you have those in place you can hold her accountable.  If she denies you communication you will have grounds for contempt.  If you have enough of these, then you might have a chance at a change in custody.

[Davy]

Thanks Gemini for the quote below :

"There are some who will say you shouldn't get this - but there are judges who will do it.  Especially now, when there is a much more sympathetic atmosphere towards the sacrifices of service members."

Just a reminder ...I'm sure this comment was made in consideration of something everybody  could relate and with the realization these sacrifices have been made thru-out history in pursuit of freedom and justice.

When Rolo hears "Welcome Home" the MAJORITY will be of his mindset and the MAJORITY sees no reason he shouldn't have the communication NOW.   

[MixedBag]

EX#3's EX was the same way -- only with tons of letters back and forth between attorneys would she THEN comply sorta with the order in place.

You've been given a good plan IMHO.....

[rolo2302]

I've been talking to the lawyer about all this. Seems like they are going with a contempt of court and make up time. Which is good I'm happy to at least hear that from the lawyer. So I know it's a start and I'm sure in the end I will get some where with all this and hopefully I can get a change of custody from all this in the end. I just feel that I'm the most responsible one in this whole situation. Seems like the ex wants me out of the children's lives and it shouldn't be that way.

[ocean]

You would need to come home and her keep denying visits over and over and the judge get sick of her. You will not get a change in custody over this ...but you should def get make-up time when you get back for the missed visits and contempt for not allowing access when you are deployed. BUT there is no real punishment for contempt.

[rolo2302]

I guess I just need to do what I need to do and take it slow and do what I can for it. Another question that popped into my head was that she needs to be there for the contempt of court hearings right? What if she doesn't show up? What happens then?

[MixedBag]

Depends on the judge....NYParent's experience (person on the board here) is that the hearing gets rescheduled.

BUT the lack of respect by not showing definitely doesn't sit well with any judge.

Rescheduled.

Default Decision

Or heard without her there -- maybe just her attorney there.

There is no "one" answer.

[rolo2302]

From what I understood was that for a contempt of court hearing she had to show up there as well. If that's the case and she doesn't show up then what? Jurisdiction is in Idaho and she lives in California and I know for a matter of fact that she can't make it up to Idaho for a court hearing or she just doesn't want to and doesn't think it's necessary.