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Taking kids out of state

Started by Superdottie, Nov 13, 2009, 05:55:26 AM

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Every year we go through this crap with my DH's ex.  She gets all hot and bothered because we want to take the kids to see my family (in IL).  They share legal and we know we have every right to take them where ever we want during his time.  She disagrees.  She says if we don't give her detailed information about what we're doing we can't have the kids.  I'm tired of playing her games. 

Does anyone have a site we can point her to to show her the MN statues that talks about NCP taking kids out of state?  Not sure if there even is a specific statue.  We referred her to an attorney and/or police dept. 



I personally would just stop arguing with her about it, and stop letting her know about these things up front.  What your husband does with the kids during his parenting time is really none of her business, unless there is something in the CO that prohibits it.

Just leave it alone.  It was courteous of your husband to let her know ahead of time, but that just doesn't work with some people.  If your husband has a cell, she knows how to reach the kids.

If she doesn't turn over the children for his parenting time, file for contempt.

Here's a great article on how to deal with this type of situation:

http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/appropriate-means-of-contact-with-high-conflict-personalities/ (http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/appropriate-means-of-contact-with-high-conflict-personalities/)


Thanks for the response.  We didn't tell BM about our plans.  I mentioned to SD that we'd be seeing my family and she must have mentioned it to her mom.  Sadly, we'll have to start keeping things from the kids. 

A twist in this is the CO states DH only has kids the day of Thanksgiving.  But BM agreed in April and again last week to let DH have them from Wed-Sun.  She will only give him the 'extra' time if he gives her the information. 

Another thing, BM called someone in Hennepin Cty, she called him a court representative (his name is Jim Heck or something like that) - I have his number), who agreed with her that DH is required to give her the info and that she has to approve him taking the kids out of the state (DH called him to confirm what he told BM)!  WFT??? 


Well, that does change things.  Your original post said it was his parenting time.  Technically, you have no legal leg to stand on if she's giving him extra time. 

What information, exactly, is she requesting?

I can't find any statutes that say she has to approve him taking the kids out of state.  The only ones I can find apply to custodial move-aways.

But, again, if it's technically not his parenting time she can set whatever limits she wants on him.  Because it's not court ordered time there is nothing he can do, except go back and ask for more time.


Sorry for the confusion.  Thanks for all your help! 


Gemini is right, since it is her parenting time, she is well within her rights to know where the children will be.  It doesn't sound like she is trying to make you seek her approval, she wants to know where the kids will be.

Additionally, many states have "informed whereabout" clauses in their orders.  Not sure if his orders have this or not, but it typically states the parent who does not have the children has a right to know where they are or will be going, particularly when it involves out of state travel plans.   In your other post you said the court contact she made said she is within her rights to know where they are, so apparently that is standard in your area as well.  It is not meant for someone to have to seek approval to take children somewhere, but it is meant so parents know where there kids will be.   


DH does not have that clause in his divorce.  Some of the things the court guy told DM were false so we're skeptical about his validity.  He told BM and DH that DH has to have BM's OK to take the girls out of the state on his time.  We know that's not true, but now BM is on her high horse claiming she must know all - even on his court appointed time. 


The key is to get this extended time written in the order, then we'll have more leverage.



Hi SD.

We have this problem with our childs Mom too.

We find simply sharing with her when we will be leaving, typically we will give an address. But, exchanging a number other than our cell phones is not neccesary. The trouble is always getting reciprocity in the exchange of information back when we request it :(

But, unless there is a "Right of Refusal" in your husbands decree - she can't refuse the trip. Just make your brain and heart hurt every time you go thru these trips.

We find that we are very clear with her on when she can contact our child, or when our child will contact her and that when is convinient for her is not always convinient for us as a family. It took her months of testing these waters but we stuck to our game plan and it worked. She can call between 9-5, and a call will be returned to her in 24 hrs unless otherwise specified in advance.

Making clear "rules" seems to work for us. But, that headache has yet to go away with trips like you are describing with your family.

It makes it feel more normal to see someone else going thru the same struggles.



My DH's CO states that he has to give a "general itinerary" with date of departure, destination, and date of return". BM contacted the FOC saying DH wouldn't give a FULL itinerary, and they contacted him saying he had to, because that would be the "general itinerary". I guess, anyone dealing with this issue, would just need to tell the other parent dates, destination, contact information, and if there are flights, the flight info. HOWEVER, if you aren't COed to give advance notice, then I'd go ahead and say email it to her after you have the kids. Or hand her something at the exchange with all of the information, to prevent the "I won't allow it" crap (we get that, too).