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Sure could use some sound advice...

Started by ACWhitt, Nov 14, 2009, 10:48:23 PM

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March 2009, My ex girlfriend and i  broke up after a rocky uncommunicative, hard-headed,selfish decisions we had made while we were togehter. On top of this, brought a beautiful boy into our life who is now turning three this month. After the mess of moving out of our home,owing utillities, and trying to get our lifes back in order. I moved back to where i once lived,across the street to the church i now attend.
She moves into a motel with her new boyfriend. Where am i going with this you say? Wait this gets better! she sets up an agreement with this guy to watch my son while she goes off
to a market to sell her crafts. In exchange, shes agrees to feed him and my son,buy beer,liquior and cigarettes and pay the rent on this little one bedroom motel. Recieves child support of five hundred from her first marriage. Her daughter, who isn't living with her at the time.
While this is going on, i am unemployed and the recession hits but i manage to work here and there doing landscaping in the summer (june-aug). Paying her what i could give her and the rest to my elderly sister in church for rent and utilities. I ask my ex, when i get a job,
get my son on child support.

July-Aug 2009
As i work and set my own hours. My ex begins to complain about money and that i'm not paying her enough in the month and threatens to take me to jail for not paying her. And demands that i see my son more often in the week. When gee, i thought she wanted me to work and pay her child support. On the weekends i visited my son and had him over night.
When i noticed my son whimpering in the night and wouldn't sleep unless he slept on my chest. which disturbed me. Complaints.. come calling one night, My new nanny boyfriend
is beating me because i won't stop crying is quote for quote i kid you not! And asks if i would watch my son for a week while she sleeps.. where in her van! I don't dare to refuse, i love to see my son. She finally goes back.This woman is supposed to have a higher IQ than i.
another month rolls by and i'm changing my son's daiper and what do i find? Bruises on his
buttocks and thighs, dime size, greenish blue. Strange, so i get my elderly church friend to witness the marks, very odd. August rolls by and again marks show up on is body, this time
siverdollar size, circlular like a ring. I notifiy Child Neglect and Abuse immediately, you what they tell me.. if your child is sexually assualted we cannot help until there is evidence abuse
This guy beats my ex, is a alcoholic and she allows him to watch my son as a nanny! come on! whats wrong with this picture!
finally i call DhS, and the case worker goes over to her house and interviews then both. Looks over the child and sees no bruises because there gone! Are you KIDDIN ME! and closes the case.
Searching for jobs about a month. finally land a job working security. She and this nanny moves into a house, my son sleeps in the living room inside a playpen. One night i come to pick him up and she mentions Oh we had company last night a drank some drinks like a house warming party. And friends slept over. Really? and my son slept where?
This is how it ends this boyfriend number One and yea there's one more and its over. She
and this guy apparantly are friends with benefits, even admitted this to me. this guy then starts to bring in other women and my ex gets jealous of this cause you know she likes this guy! Well she ends up opening a myspace and begins to chat with another man. This guy gets wind of it and tells me about all her dirty laundry. Are you kiddin me i was with her for 4yrs. Not having a job and trying to sell beaded jewelry won't pay the bills you need to have a part-time job or quit the craft. But try telling a hard headed candy apple this and you'll get bitten back. Well, as usual i came to pick up my son. Frequences of visitation increased when i began to have a schedule and stablity. so one night i came to pick my son up and the discussed to me that he was tired of her not paying rent or utilities.And had a man come over and spend the night in her room. She later shows up, and i leave with my son. But just before i left the new boyfriend wants to know about my ex. I don't say much. As this is happening my ex is being slapped about and pushed out by the old nanny. I leave so my son wouldn't see this happening to his mother.
NOv 2009
Closing the story to current events. In which i need detailed adivce about what i should do.
She moves in with second boyfriend, not three weeks pass and she is at it again. This time she meets a felon, who beat his wife and raped her. She secretly emails back and forth but this new guy catches onto what shes doing. They move into another apartment with two bedrooms. My son shares the room with his mother. She begins to secretly chat with this felon. This new guy turned out to be quite a nice individual,steady job and stable. Turned
to her for a relationship and she secretly calls and emails this guy in Ga. And now has left the second boyfriend claiming he is a rapist and posessive. Found out she is planning to move to the border of ARK and TN but she wouldn't disclose her residence to me. I tried to
reason with her about leaving my son with me until she finds out this guy on myspace is saying the truth and the relationship works out ok. And then  become situated and stable.
Want to know what her comment was. If it doesn't work i'll remain there and i will find aid
for our son. Last night she mention she was leaving with a vehicle that was donated to her
registration,tags,insurence i don't have a clue because shes not telling anything. Just last month her van was towed off and given a ticket for no ins,registration,and drivers license.
She was fined in Pulaski County Court for 600.00 with payments of 50.00 


Have you ever been to family court? Do you have visitation through the courts? Is child support set up through the courts?

Depends on the answers what you can do....


You need to give a little more information to be able to get advise on how to proceed.

If you do not have custody settled with the courts, then you should go to the court and file for custody of the child.  Inform the Court of Mom's intentions to move and have the court order her to stay until custody/visitation is settled.

If you do have custody/visitation settled in the courts, read the custody order (CO).  Does it have a move clause?  For example, my CO states that BM cannot move out of the city she currently lives without my written approval.  If there's nothing in the CO that restricts moves, you should still go to court and have them order her not to move until you guys work something out.

According to what you said, it sounds to me like your life is currently more stable than BM's (birth mom)....you should really think about taking custody of your son.  However, you should only do that if you feel like you are capable of taking on the child and all the responsibilities that it comes with.  If you're not, then you should be making changes in your life to make sure you can.  This child deserves to have a home that is secure and free from abuse.

Do all of this ASAP.  I mean go to court tomorrow if possible.  When filing out the petition, make sure that the reasons you give for not allowing the move are all about the child.  Do you have family nearby?  If so, mention that.  Can you put him in a good daycare?  Also, make sure that you mention that you would encourage a good relationship with BM and draw out a fair plan for her to have visitation.


Document, Document, Document!!!! 

You see bruises, take pictures with date and time, write down when you pick up/drop off son and discussions you have with ex and all others;   Check to see if your state allows recordings/videos--get a cell that can record and stick it in your pocket for your visits, if you can videotape, get a phone that can do that and video your pick ups and drop offs;

Get all the evidence you can!!!  Go to court and go for full custody if you can.  Find an attorney, so do it reduced, so do pro bono, if you have to find a law school that has family law clinics or check with your state for legal aid.  Start researching your state and family know, find out what you need and can do.  But most importantly Document!!!


Last Saturday she had a vehicle donated to her with a bill of sale. She has 30 days to get tags,insurence, and regisration. She mentioned about making frequent trips from GA to Ark.
I'm unclear why. She hasn't gave me an address and i don't even know if by law she is entitled to show me.
Her and i haven't been to family court. To establish visitation and child support, she has stated she wishes not to because our situation wouldn't change much in regards to visitation.I cannot because i don't have the money to hire an attorney and court costs.
I don't even know how i can take this action. Not sure where to file a petition or what this petition is named under. I went to the internet to look for this petiton to keep her here but
couldn't  find it, in being we are unmarried and in wedlock.Before she left i had given her child support in money order and i keep the stubs. Now since shes in GA and no address i can't send her anything. But by the courts theres been no action to estabish i'm the father an any ordering of the court to enforce child support. Should i stop and wait until she files
to enforce child support?
I was told by a lawyer that even though you have paternity and birth documents of he child, you and the mother would need to go to court to establish that you are indeed the father through blood test. My plan is to stop paying her and let her file for it in either state, i don't know the laws regarding this matter now that we are in too different states. Shes also unclear about where her residence will be.Someone told me she would need copies of proof showing that i am the father before she could file for cs. All she has right now is a ARK driver's license. The vehicle was donated to her with a bill of sale. She has 30 days to get registration,tags,and insurence.


Can / will you please centralize all your posts on one  board ?

You are likely to get more and better assistance.  Sorry but just trying to help.


In my state paying money directly to the other parent does not count even with receipts.  I would stop doing it unless you can find something from state laws that says it will count.  Here it would not count and they would still go back until you were together so if you paid her $1000 since you spit up, that would not count and if they adjust that you owed $2000 since that point, your receipts from would not credit the $1000 you already gave her.  You need to establish paternity.


Sorry for the duplicates, i am now centralizing all posts to fathers issues. please reply there,
and thanx so much for all your info people!