feeling helpless

[prow0220]

My son will be 4 years old in 2 months. He is special needs with a speech delay and impairment. I have joint custody but it never seems like enough time. His primary residence it with his mom. Therefore, she is considered his legal guardian. It took me and my wife months of arguments and fighting to get a therapist into her home for an evaluation for his speech. His mom felt that there was  not a problem with him. They found his problems to be "severe". He has since been in therapy at home twice weekly. Keeping in mind that he is almost four...he can only count to 2 and does not know any of the alphabet and only a few colors and no objects such as circle, sqare, etc. My wife and I work with him, but when he goes to his mom's it is not reinforced. She even stated that she doesn't work with him as much as she should. My wife and I are pleading for her to enroll him in preschool so he can be with people that are trained to teach him the tools to prepare for grade school. She has refused to do so. Even to go to the length of the excuse that the bus costs money for her to go there and register him. I offered to go there myself, she refuses. She is fighting me tooth and nail and i am afraid that he will suffer greatly. At this point I cannot imagine that he will be ready for grammar school when that time comes. He needs help and guidance to learn so that he is where he should be. I see how difficult it is for men to take custody from the mother, but I cannot just sit back and watch him be neglected. I have to go through family court for this as it is not a child protection issue. I just don't know where to go from here or if i have any hope to get custody and give my son what he needs. His mom is even writing him off for college and he's not even 4. She said the only way he will go to college is if I pay for it or he gets a scholarship. I certainly will pay, but at least give the kid a chance at wanting to be something. What do I do???

[Ref]

So your parenting agreement states that she is primary residential and SOLE legal parent? Make sure that this is what it says. It makes a huge difference. DH is secondary residential but he is JOINT legal. He has all the legal rights as mom.

I would think that you should get him evaluated again and request that they state whether his therapy or special schooling is necessary for him. You might be able to get this from the original evalutor without having to pay extra for another set of tests. If they do, I would give a copy to mom and if she doesn't comply within x days, take it to court. It is possible that this would be considered neglect if a specialist states that it is necessary for the child's normal development.

As far as college goes, in most states parents aren't required to pay for theor child's college. Just put some money aside (buy $50 savings bonds for the child for their bday and major holidays) and do your best by him. At 18, he will know who was caring for him and who wasn't.

If it comes to court time, get a lawyer. Call all the free consultation lawyers you can find and pick one that will fight for you. You probably wont get custody over this, but you could have schooling and therapy required and get joint legal, if you don't have it already.

Good Luck
ref

 

[prow0220]

Thanks for the input. I will have to go over the court documents again but I do know that I have JOINT custody. I am going to have him re-evaluated through a program for possible developmenatl problems, just to make sure he does not have any learning issues. If he does'nt than i wish i could force her to get him in preschool because he is so far behind. I at least plan on changing the custody terms to have him just as often as she does. I know that my wife and I can influence him much better. As for college, i have a college fund set up with direct deposit for both of my kids already. But I would rather pay for his college than have him not go. I just want him to always know that he can be whatever he chooses and that money won't stop him. His mom is already saying that she won't push the issue, that she will not be able to pay. That will be 14 years from now. Well, Thanks for the info.

[jes136e]

If you can, find a good, aggressive, experienced child custody attorney.  Check with the state bar association.  If you can't afford one, the court might appoint one.  You might go to the court and ask for someone to be appointed who will represent your child's interests.  Before you do anything, even applying to the court , you should check with an experienced custody lawyer.