Parenting plan for unborn child

[whereismommy]

My fiance and I are thinking about having a baby.  My only real concern is if things don't work out between us, I don't want to go through a custody battle again like I did with my first child. 

My question is, does anyone know if it's possible to set up a parenting plan before a child is born or maybe even conceived?

[MixedBag]

Wow....been here since the beginning of this place.....new subject, if you ask me.

But why not?

[mdegol]

Are you having a pre-nup?  Maybe it could be a part of that?  But I will say, I don't know how enforcable it would be, since "material change in circumstances" could be argued.  Also "Best Interests" may trump it.  But a smart idea since decisions would be made while in love with each other, rather than through the filter of rage that often accompanies divorce.  At least it would give you a starting point if the unfortunate did occur.  I doubt it would avoid a child custody battle though, if the one side or the other decides to fight (as this is the whole nature of a battle).

[CuriousMom]

I went to my attorney regarding custody while I was still pregnant and he advised me that nothing could be done until the baby was born.  Because anything could happen, as morbid as it sounds, until he/she arrives so at least in my area you pretty much have to wait.

[ocean]

You might be able to do a pre-nup and specify how custody would be for any and all future children and IF either brings it to court they would have to pay other XXX. Hook it to a monetary thing. BUT really..how do you know what needs to be done when the child is not even here yet...Too many unknows to even make a custody agreement. Who knows if either of you will have same job, if baby needs special care, infant visits to child years....too much to deal with at the get go.

I would have a heart to heart of your fears with your DH. You need to be able to trust him and the relationship and take the leap of faith ...if not, maybe not have another child and focus on the family you have now and enjoy it!

[gemini3]

Custody cannot be covered in a pre-nup because a child is not personal property.

The fact of the matter is that the best way to protect yourself from a bitter custody dispute is to be the kind of person, and have children with the kind of person, who would work things out so that it's a win-win (as much as possible) for the kids and parents.  If you, or your finance, are vindictive, controlling, abusive, suffer from a PD of any kind, or engage in adultery - you'll probably end up in a custody battle.

So, pick your partner wisely.  And choose your actions wisely.  It is the best defense.

[MrCustodyCoach]

...and, once you get the state involved, all bets are off.  If the STATE determines it's not in the alleged "best interests of the child" - they'll do what they want.  Once you're divorced, the state becomes "daddy."