Need legal advice

[jgaff78]

BM refused to pay for her half of visitation for Christmas this year. She claimed that she had purchased the round trip ticket for the summer visit so she had fulfilled her obligation for the year. That is not exactly correct, but we are not able to fix that issue right now and we have to get SD back home to go to school. We will deal with the cost issue in court later.

The problem now is that I tried to purchase return tickets to get SD back in time to go to a friend's birthday party this weekend. We have had to wait until the last minute to purchase tickets because we don't have that extra money laying around. We had not planned on having to purchase these tickets. BM said we needed to give her over 48 hours notice so she could arrange to get to the airport. I let her know this morning when I was trying to buy the tickets that she would need to be at the airport Friday evening. That is more than 48 hours notice. But BM started throwing a fit and said we had not given her enough notice and she will not be able to come because she has to work. She gets off at 4pm and does not need to be at the airport until 5:30. That is plenty of time to drive to the airport. She claims she can't do it and is refusing to send someone else. She is demanding that we send her home on Saturday instead. The cost of tickets is nearly 2-3 times as high on Saturday as on Friday. When I told her we could not send her on Saturday, she began insulting me and calling me cheap and saying it was not her fault we waited until the last minute to buy tickets. I responded by telling her I would not argue with her and that she could speak to my husband about the arrangements if she was going to be that argumentative.

What I need advice about is whether we can get in trouble if we are forced to wait to fly SD back until the tickets are cheaper. BM says she can't take time off work and her only days off are Thursdays and Sundays. We cannot afford to fly SD back this Sunday, the tickets are too expensive. If we have to wait until next Thursday to fly her back (she would miss 3 days of school), can we get into any legal trouble for waiting? It is not written in our court order exactly who is responsible for what cost of transportation. We had just always gone with a 50/50 arrangement since the last visitation modification. BM essentially tricked us into this situation. She volunteered to pay for the round trip ticket this summer saying that she wanted to control when SD flew. We explained at that time that she would be in control of when SD came home since she was buying that ticket anyway, but she insisted on buying the round trip ticket saying it would be "easier." Little did we know that she meant it would be easier for her since she was not planning on paying her share of the Christmas ticket.

What are our legal options now? We really cannot afford to spend all this extra money on plane tickets right now. If we had been given advance notice, it would have been different. But since we were only told a couple weeks ago that BM would not be paying for the return ticket, we were not prepared for the expense.

[ocean]

What date is she court ordered to go home on? That is what you should be doing....
Also, you do NOT talk to mother, that is for the father. You should try to do it in e-mail or text so you have proof that she is not allowing you to pick alternate days.
Ask her for the receipts for the summer flights...then minus it off the christmas flight...that is what she owes you. Since she played this game, then she will have to split this ticket with you (and you pay your half of the summer ticket).
Give her 2 or 3 choices of tickets that are in your price range in writing if possible and ask her to choose one so you can buy the tickets. Be careful what you write in the email. "I didnt realize that you didnt buy the round trip ticket, and looking at flights to get her back to you. Here is what is available... "

[jgaff78]

I don't speak to her on the phone. I always use text messages or instant messages online. I have taken to saving the messages at the end of the conversations just so we have proof of her attitude for future court dates.

We get her until the end of winter vacation this year. So technically that would be on the 4th since she does not go back to school until the 5th. We are actually trying to return her home early this year so she can go to the birthday party BM mentioned. BM is not being cooperative.

I'm a little confused about what you said as far as splitting the cost of tickets. We purchased a round trip ticket for me to fly down to get SD this summer. BM paid for SD's round-trip ticket and the round-trip ticket for her to fly up to pick her up at the end of the summer. We have already paid for a round-trip ticket to pick up SD at the beginning of Christmas break and SD's one-way ticket to fly up here. We still need to purchase another round-trip ticket and a one-way ticket to fly her back. If we paid for SD's flight up this summer, it would be less than $100. If we have to pay for the entire cost of flying SD back now, it will cost us around $350-$400. So would that mean BM would owe us $250-$300?

[ocean]

You split the child's ticket only right? It should be split the total round trip ticket...

Say child's summer tickets were $300  ($150 each)
Say child's christmas ticket total $500 ($250 each)

Yes, she will owe you....50/50 is for the total ...not you buy one way, i do other way...hey my way is twice the amount.

Give her two choices, the cheapest to get her home for the party or the last day of vacation...Tell her if you want her for party that is fine but this is the flight we can get her on OR she will be coming home as court ordered on XX. (send her home either sat, sun, or mon...whichever is the cheapest since you dont have an exact date, you cant get into trouble.)

[jgaff78]

We do not split the child's ticket. It has always been that we paid for the cost of travel at the initiation of visits and BM paid for the cost at the end of visits. If we paid for the costs at the beginning of the summer this year, we would owe her $100 or less. We have already paid our share of the Christmas visitation, so technically the return cost belongs to BM. That would mean of the $400 it will cost to bring her home, BM would be responsible for $300 after we took out our share of the summer ticket.

The problem is that BM wants to start flying SD unaccompanied. This was not addressed at the beginning of summer visitation, BM only brought it up toward the middle of the summer. We all discussed it and seemed to agree that SD was not emotionally ready to fly by herself. BM flew up at the end of the summer to fly home with SD like usual. We always pay for the costs at Thanksgiving because the court order states we must fly down to her, so there was no issue then. BM started bringing up the issue of flying unaccompanied again just before Christmas, but it was before she told us she was not buying the return tickets. She wants us to fly SD back unaccompanied (at our cost) so she claims that the only tickets that matter are SD's and it does not count for the tickets we must buy to fly with her. That is how she is justifying that she has paid her share of the tickets for the year. She is only counting SD's tickets.

[jgaff78]

I just checked the records. BM paid $63 for SD's ticket at the beginning of the summer. So we would owe her $63 out of the cost of the return tickets for Christmas right?

[Kitty C.]

Apparently then BM would have no problem putting your SD on a flight by herself to return to you, right?  And considering we're only talking the return flight to you and you can't afford the round-trip ticket for someone to fly there and come back with her, I think BM has you over a barrel.  And if I were you, I would get SD's one-way ticket purchased (on a date/time that suits BM and is on or before SD is to return to school) and get her home unaccompanied.  Since the only issue is the cost of your round-trip ticket, I don't see how you can work this any other way.

There is nothing you can do to remedy this current situation except for getting SD home in a timely manner.  Personally, I think you should at least try it this one time and see how SD handles it.......you might be surprised.  I flew DS unaccompanied from age 6 to 13 (until his dad passed away) from IA to CA and, even though he had severe ADHD (often prolonged immaturity comes with the territory), he did just fine and was a seasoned air traveler in a very short time.  In fact, it taught him a LOT and helped him to mature a lot more than what I could have taught or showed him.  Sometimes you have to put kids in the very situations that you feel they may not be capable of handling, because that is the only way they will learn.

But if you still have issues with SD flying alone, even after trying it on one flight, then you will need to address it in court before next summer or visit to BM.  Just inform BM that you will try it ONLY this one time, but if SD does not handle it well, you will be forced to take the issue back to court and SD will not be returning to her until the issue is resolved...unless the BM purchases ALL the tickets (hers for 2 round-trips and SD's) for the next trip and you will not send her until you have confirmation of the same.  At least it will make her think.....

[ocean]

What exactly does the court order state about transportation costs?

[jgaff78]

Our court order does not explicitly state how the costs should be divided. We are only going by the state guidelines which say that the parents should split the travel costs when a significant distance is involved and that the NCP should provide transportation at the beginning of visits and the CP should provide transportation at the end of visitation.

We actually need to get everything more specific in all of the court orders so there is no arguing in the future. I've been looking for more information on how to set up a better, more detailed parenting plan. We are also having issues with BM complaining that she can't afford anything when we are already providing school clothes and school supplies for her. It seems no matter what we do, it's not enough in her eyes. So we either have to stop doing all the extra things we have been doing or go back to court and have them added into the court orders. I truly think that is why she is suddenly being such a pain this visit. She's still mad that we took SD on a vacation at Thanksgiving. We saved and made sacrifices in order to be able to take her on a special vacation and BM has been angry ever since. I think she's just mad because she thinks we have more money than she does, but she makes nearly as much per hour as my husband and she has fewer expenses plus she gets weekly child support. If she managed her money better, she would have just as much as we do.

[ocean]

Child support is supposed to cover school clothes... You can always do more but I would not just go and add it in the order. You dont know what your finaces will be in the future. You do what is court ordered and then some when YOU want to.

If it is not addressed in the court order than it is up in the air really. Dont let her get to you. You need to get her back at the end of this visit and then address this before the summer break in court. Christmas travel is more expensive than summer travel usually so maybe put in the state guidelines and then you always buy the inbound ticket and she buys the return. When you go back, you need to get more specific dates then or she will buy a return ticket whenever she wants...

At this point, I would buy the ticket you want to send her back. Email mother and if she wants to pay to change it, she can. Does the child want to fly alone this week?