BE PATIENT!!

[gooddadof2]

I would like to offer some things that have helped me so far. While my previous posts are gone, I would like to share quick rundown. My childrens mother is not interested in what is best for our kids (2 and 3yrs). She is interested in what will hurt me, even at childrens expense. She has alienated me from children, coached children, made multiple false accusations, continues to deny my parenting time with claims of children being sick, and tried to paint me as being a horrible father. Although it has caused me much heartache, I am finally coming to realization that a persons true character will be exposed, eventually. The tables are beginning to turn in my case. I am up against money (her parents) and would like to advise anyone going through similar problems to BE PATIENT. Stay the course and keep your focus on the kids. Be involved in their school, know their doctors, don't talk about ex, and DONT DO ANYTHING TO GET EVEN. It has been hard for me to do, but have (thanks Mom). And I am hoping that my expierence will help. Although my case is far from over, I feel better now than ever. BM has been watching me closely, or has hired pd to do so. Her parents have been poking around at my shop, and I blocked gate and called police. They will now goto jail if caught here again. She has accused me of sexual abuse of our children, and that was hardest one to keep cool with. BM recently decided to call CPS with "anonymous" report of neglect. I have not had much luck or faith with the 'system' but my patience is paying off. Sometimes the things that BM does keep me up at night and seem to damage my character. But things are not always what they seem. Her calling CPS is actually HELPING me. They have now met me, seen interaction with kids, checked out house and shop, and met with teachers and family. She will likely be told that filing false report is felony. Anyone out there ready to give up-DONT!    BE PATIENT

[ocean]

Well said... your kids are still very young and you are in for years of this probably. DH and I set up times we talked about the case and tried to keep living because the courts are very very slow. It takes years to get a judge to do anything and even then in most cases they just tell mom not to do it again. We also used laughter and what she tries to do. Dh ex is still at it whenever she can and we went to full no contact with her for over 2 years.

Try to stay with the same judge, counselor, or GAL whenever possible. This will show them a pattern. Document everything even if it not going to be used in court. Tape phone calls, video exchanges with kids even if it is audio only on your cell phone. Put everything into the court order so she does not have wiggle room. Ask for exchanges at daycare/school whenever possible so mom can not change it and they will not release on your days.

So sad that some use their kids as pawns and never get over it. Ours got remarried and it still did not stop.
Good luck!

[MixedBag]

"try to stay with the same judge" -- yes, can be a very good thing.

[footballdad]

This sounds a lot like my situation.  Ex tried to poison the kids with lies about me, has tried to replace me as their father in favor of a boy who is just a few years older than our oldest daughter, and who beats on her as well as the kids.  Routinely exposes them to scum with criminal records, namely her "new family" as well as her friends.  She regularly denies me my parenting time, and I often have to take a day off of work, drive seven hours one way only to have some or all of the children hidden from me when I get there.

I have to say, it's difficult to "be patient" as she has now alienated my oldest daughter from me entirely, as well as my oldest son who is from another marriage, and whom she has no need or right to communicate with.  The daughter just seems to believe anything she's told, no matter how ludicrous, and would ignore anything I said, no matter how grounded in fact. 

I don't post here much, as I have saved up my money for two years and have retained the best family law attorney in the area and am seeking to obtain custody from their unfit mother.

[ocean]

Be careful what lawyers say they can do. Fighting for custody change from a mother is almost impossible and takes years. You really have to prove neglect by having DSS take kids. It may seem like you have enough in the "normal" world but family court is it's own animal.

Sometimes it is better/easier to get more time, fight for a more detailed plan, get medical/educational custody...

Sounds like you have looked a lot up, just giving you some things to think about. Fighting custody may takes years and major money. Sometimes people have enough but it takes many trips to court and for the mother to ignore court orders for things to switch. When you talk to the lawyer, ask, "I want to hire you but give me an honest, from what you have seen from the judges around here, how often do you see father getting custody without DSS involved? Would it be better to fight for joint custody 50/50 to start and let her hang herself each time and file again"
Good luck!