Looking for advise

[ocean]

Call your local family court and ask for the legal aid department. See if you qualify once baby is born..goes by wages. If you do not qualify there, call a domestic shelter/hotline and see how they can help you.

He will not be given 50/50 of a newborn and if you fight it and not agree it will take months in court (maybe longer) to get it all straightened out.

Keep documenting ALL texts. Take pictures of them and keep your cell phone bills to prove he is calling you at the text time. IF he constantly calls in ONE day, file a police report for harassment. If he calls a lot in one week, call you local police department and ask how many would they need to charge him with harassment.

Keep ignoring...he is getting mad because he is not getting to you and right now you hold the cards.

You can do it two ways:
1. Get paperwork for Paternity, custody (asking for Sole), child support, and parenting plan with supervised ...fill it out. Ask where it needs to be dropped off. Have a family send it out/bring it as soon as baby is born. Then the courts will have what you want...

or

2. Wait for him to file for Paternity then you counter sue for sole custody, child support, and supervised visitation.

The lawyers want a lot of money because this is going to trial if he does not agree (which he probably wont and take many days in court). Does he have the money for a lawyer? If one does call you, listen, but do not tell them much. Yes/no response. Do not give them all your evidence. They work for HIM not you.

Relax...I know it is hard with all this around you but put a few safe guards around you, and ignore. Then enjoy the time with your new baby!

[mistyme]

THanks so much ocean, it's greatly appreciated.  I have a lot of faith he can't do much, he has nothing against me, i've raised my own 4 1/2 year old DD on my own since she was a baby, I have held stable jobs, no arrest history, violent history or CPS history.  Never had a run in with police, no drug use ... nothing. Maybe just bad credit!

Can he though get a lawyer BEFORE baby is born? aka lawyer contacts me before baby is born, ect.

I told him once he told me that i better get a lawyer, ect, to please not contact me anymore, he can speak to my lawyer.  So I don't plan on speaking to him at all, not even advising him when the baby is born. Nothing.

Also, what happens if i DON'T get a lawyer? Would he get what he wants? Can he get full custody of the baby if he starts throwing all kinds of accusations out, ect? I'm just curious.  I'm just affraid I won't get the help I need and you know how some parents will make false accusations and if the other parent doesn't have a lawyer to proove the accusing parent wrong, they are screwed?

[ocean]

He would have to pay a lawyer the retainer, and most would probably tell him he has to wait for baby to be born. He may be able to get someone to call you to try and set up something out of court to see baby in hospital but until you get something from a court, you do not have to speak to them either.

Great that you told him no more contact. Now if he tries, and continues you can get that restraining order (if it comes down to that, have them put ..no contact for you and child when born until court case).

If you can not get a lawyer, then he still would not get 50/50 or even overnights to a newborn. You would go to court a few times and his lawyer will try and get you to agree to what he wants...do not sign anything until it is something you can live with. You can not change it very easily. Lawyer will talk to you in waiting area or room and try to negotiate with you. You can talk to lawyer before hand (and use up his retainer..lol). Some places offer mediation first and see if you can work it out with a mediator or at least parts of the court order.

After a few postponements, they will set a trail date. You can act like a lawyer. You would be able to question him under oath and bring your own witnesses. Joint legal custody just means he can bring child to dr, get info from schools (sole too...as long as he is the father), and make decisions with you if any major medical or educational decisions are to be made. BUT really, child is with you most of the time and you make every day decisions. So, it he is stuck on that...you may want to give that in...depending if you have enough for supervised.

Even a SUPER dad would have to file paternity and then try to get an infant schedule in place which is usually a few hours, a few times a week. Usually not overnight. WHat state are you in? One of us can look up you state and tell you what your state says about infants...

Also, if he is not seeing child until AFTER a judge decides then he can not make too many false accusations when he has not seen child. If he calls CPS on you....they usually see real fast that this is a custody case and close the case.

[mistyme]

lol i can't see myself acting like a lawyer haha.  He makes me too nervous and scared, plus I do have anxiety and I wouldn't be suprised if he tried to use that against me.

I don't care if he gets standard visitation after a few supervised visits are done, ect.  I'm not 100% keeping the baby ... just not 50/50 or him taking full custody of the baby.  So i'm affraid if I don't have a lawyer he will win custody, I loose my son.  I don't know how all this stuff works.

I won't agree to anything, especially if it's outside of court.  I honestly don't know what he is trying to accomplish.  I can't say im perfect cause I've prolly said a few things in the past to piss him off.  I just tell him what I have planned for the baby because he has NOT helped in any decission making so I've been doing it all on my own and because I didn't want him in the hospital room when I give birth, he gets upset.  Than i had a false alarm last week and because I didn't tell him he is all upset.  He thinks that I think that I don't need a father around and all i care about is child support.  oh well !!!! We will see.  I'm just nervous because I want to enjoy my time with my son ... not be worrying about when I am going to get served, how I will find a lawyer or even afford one, ect.

I like in texas btw.

[ocean]

You can file yourself...then hire a lawyer for the trial day BUT many times it gets pushed off so you would have to pay for another day(s). So you do the paperwork now...then hire someone when you get the court date..usually cheaper and tell them, it is just for the day (fire, rehire) so he can not call lawyer and you get charged. BUT you probably qualify or even ask him in the court order to pay for your fees...

Looks like TX does not have a set schedule until age 3 (I pasted that way below) but here is what most get in TX... There is a poster from TX, so she if she responds to you. Also the guidelines are no overnights to age 3 but you could agree to something else.

This is what I found for 0-3 years for TX
"WEEKLY VISITATION SCHEDULE FOR CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF THREE YEARS

AT ALL TIMES MUTUALLY AGREED UPON BY THE PARTIES and failing agreement,the Non-Custodial Parent shall have possession of the minor child underthe age of three years as follows: (usually 2-3 times a week, starting at mom home then going with father...)

1. Each Monday from 3PM until 6PM or from 6PM until 8PM
2. Each Wednesday from, 3PM until 6PM or from 6PM until 8PM
3. Each Friday from 3PM until 6PM or from 6PM until 8PM
4. Each Saturday from 3PM until 12PM the following Sunday or Each Saturday from 9AM until 7PM.
5. Each year on the child's birthday from 1PM until 3PM or from 6PM until 8PM.
6. Holidays:
CHRISTMAS: in even numbered years, the NCP shall have possession of thechild from 9AM until 7PM on December 26th, and in odd numbered yearsthe NCP shall have possession of the child from 9AM until 7PM onDecember 24th.
THANKSGIVING: in odd numbered years, the NCP shall have possession of the child from 9AM until 7PM on Thanksgiving Day."


This is what I found for child 3 and up for TX:

Texas also has a Standard Possession Order that allows for at leastminimal visitation for the non-custodial parent who lives within 100miles of the child.  It is set forth below:
Weekends - beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the first, third and fifth Fridays of each month and ending at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday;
Thursday - of each week during the regular school term, beginning at 6:00 p.m. and ending at 8:00 p.m.;
Christmas - in even-numbered years beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the last school day before the Christmas school vacation begins, and ending at noon on December 28; Christmas - in odd-numbered years beginning at noon on December 28 and ending at 6:00 p.m. on the day before school resumes;
Thanksgiving -in odd-numbered years beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the day the child isdismissed from school for Thanksgiving and ending at 6:00 p.m. on theSunday following Thanksgiving;
Spring Break -in even-numbered years beginning at 6:00 p.m. on the day the child isdismissed from school for spring vacation and ending at 6:00 p.m. onthe day before school resumes;
Summer - thirty (30) days to be exercised in no more than two (2) separate periods of at least seven (7) consecutive days;
Child's birthday - from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.;
Mother's Day/Father's Day weekend - from 6:00 p.m. Friday to 6:00 p.m. Sunday.
Thiscan be modified by agreement. Remember that each case is unique to thechild and situation even though there are "standards".  Seek legalconsultation in your area for your particular set of circumstances.

[mistyme]

If that's the sced. I want, I can enforce it stating I don't want him staying the night till his is 3?  I heard of that law here, but it's strange though because my friends, people I know how have gone to file for CS through the state AG, they get standard visitation, even with the baby being 4-5 months. Im assuming they have agreed though and CS doesn't do much anyways cause it's not their dept to listen to parents argure, ect.

I'm just going to wait till he makes the first move. I will call for legal assistance around the city, i don't know what my chances are for legal aid... I don't work.  I figured you had to have some "big" case for them to pay attention.

Thanks ocean, you really have made me feel a lot better with your information.  I just have to keep reminding myself I do hold all the cards right now and it's all going to work out.  I'm just so nervous

[mistyme]

I hope someone see's this lol I didn't want to make a new post...

First off I went down to the DA office and spoke to them about getting a possible PO against him for prior harrassment, ect so I am waiting on that...

Also I had someone metion to me that during the time I am pregnant till the baby is born, he can attempt to build a case against me?  Like I said, I can't think of anything that would declare me unfit and I am probablly over worrying myself, but I keep thinking he can build some kind of made up case against me with false accustations and as soon as the baby is born, my son is taken away.  I know, i'm over worrying.  Is this possible? He would really have to invest time and money into a lawyer though... I'm just checking because i'm over worrying... i need to feel better and keep reminding myself he has nothing against me...it's just his past "im going to take the baby" threats that scare me.

thanks!!!

[bloom6372]

I hope someone see's this lol I didn't want to make a new post...

First off I went down to the DA office and spoke to them about getting a possible PO against him for prior harrassment, ect so I am waiting on that...

Also I had someone metion to me that during the time I am pregnant till the baby is born, he can attempt to build a case against me?  Like I said, I can't think of anything that would declare me unfit and I am probablly over worrying myself, but I keep thinking he can build some kind of made up case against me with false accustations and as soon as the baby is born, my son is taken away.  I know, i'm over worrying.  Is this possible? He would really have to invest time and money into a lawyer though... I'm just checking because i'm over worrying... i need to feel better and keep reminding myself he has nothing against me...it's just his past "im going to take the baby" threats that scare me.

thanks!!!

Yes, he can try to build a case against you while your pregnant. Just like he can hire an atty before you have the baby. But, he'll have to PROVE whatever he says. If it's a he says, she says, then the Court won't care. Just like you'll have to prove why he shouldn't have overnights with the baby. He wouldn't have to prove you unfit to get additional time with the baby than what you are offering, he would just need to prove that it'd be best for the baby for a standard schedule to take place.  You need to worry about building a case against him before the baby is born. You need to have everything prepared for Court if you don't have an attorney. So make sure you have your proposal ready, documentation of everything, and make a few alternate proposals (so you can ask the Court to use one of those if they don't choose your first proposal).

I will tell you that the "breastfeeding" reason COULD be thrown out, because he (or his atty) could simply say that you could pump the milk and send it with the baby. So you'll need to build more than that if you don't want him having overnights or being alone with the baby for a while.