Unwed Fathers and their lack of Parental Rights

[sarasdaddy282000]

The way Laws are currently written, Unwed Biological Mothers (UBM) areautomatically given full Parental Rights, at the birth of a child. 
Unwed Biological Fathers (UBF) are not givenany Parental Rights, period!
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As an UBF, myself, I personally know the heartache of losing yourchild, not knowing your child's whereabouts, etc.
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I know there are hundreds of Father's Rights Groups, around the World,that are currently trying to make a difference.
If they all banded together, to create one group, maybe their voicewould be heard, maybe.
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Most Father's Rights Groups, that I have looked into, are concernedwith Father's Rights due to divorce, with Unwed
Biological Father's seemingly an afterthought. [No Offense]
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My daughter, was born in 2000, I last saw her in October 2001, and lostcontact with her and her UBM, in 2002.
There is not a single moment that goes by, that I don't ache to see mydaughter again, she is now 11 years old.
We never went to Court, to decide Child Custody, Child Visitation,Child Support, etc.
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Current Laws require an UBF, to go before the Court to establishpaternity, so that the Court officially recognizes
him as the child's Father, forthe sole purpose to award Child Support to the UBM, period!
The Court, at that time, is not concerned with Child Custody or ChildVisitation, which are considered separate
issues to be dealt with, by the Court at a later date. 
If the UBF doesn't go before the Court, then he has no Parental Rights,period!
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When my daughter and her UBM "disappeared" in 2002, I panicked and lookedfor support.
I came to SPARC, looking for answers, and found a lot of usefulinformation.
At that time, I suggested that I might create my own "Father's RightsGroup", which was severely discouraged.
Basically, I was told, that there were hundreds of Father's RightsGroups "out there", and I didn't need to create
another one, that I should simply join one, that already exists.
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Well, yes it's true, there are hundreds of "Father's Rights Groups" allover the World, and yes, I believe they are
all trying to make a difference.
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I'm seriously considering creating my own Non-Profit Organization, forUnwed Biological Father's Rights.
It will be designed to do many things, to get the Laws changed, so thatUBF's are automatically given the same
Parental Rights, which UBM's currently, are automatically given.  Also, to provide funding to pay for costs (forthose who cannot afford to) associated with tracking down UBM's and theirchild(ren) and going to Court to enforce the UCCJA.
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In my case, I have tried writing my local newspaper, my local TV NewsStations, and practically all TV Talk Shows, all to no avail, all my requestshave fallen on "deaf ears."
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They are only concerned with "Deadbeat Dads", men who never intend topay child support, do not care to have a relationship with their child(ren), donot wish to admit that the child(ren) is their's, etc.
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But a Father, who desperately wants to have his child(ren) in his life,and to be in his child(ren)'s life, that is not "news worthy."
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I can tell you, that one man can make a difference.
Look at John Walsh, of TV's "America's Most Wanted" and Steve Irwin(The Crocodile Hunter) who single-handedly brought Conservationism back to theWorld's Stage.  The entire World cried,at his untimely death and pledged to make a difference.
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Yes, there are hundreds of Father's Rights Groups "out there", and Ibelieve they each wish to make a difference.
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Unwed Biological Fathers, need a voice, that must be heard, too.
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After all, (motto) "If we don't like the Laws, then change them, and ifwe don't like those who write or enforce the Laws, then change them"
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Thank you, for your time, consideration, and cooperation, I trulyappreciate it.

[sarasdaddy282000]

My specific situation, as an Unwed Biological Father (UBF).

I recently found out, that my daughter's Unwed Biological Mother (UBM) has remarried (she was married 18 years and divorced 3 years, when we met), she was apparently remarried in 2005, to a man from Gary, Indiana (probably married in Gary, Indiana).

After I found this out, I was advised to go to the SSA (Social Security Administration) to request a replacement Social Security card, for my daughter, to find out if anything had changed, regarding my daughter.

I filled out the application, and went to turn it in.  The SSA Representative took my application, but informed me, that she couldn't accept my application, because I didn't provide the name, for her, they currently had on file.  That's right, my own daughter doesn't have my name anymore.
She said, if I could provide a birth certificate that showed I was my daughter's Father, with her current name (that they have on file), then they could accept my application.  I told her, that I had her birth certificate, with me listed as her Father, also the hospital (where she was born) birth record, showing me, as our daughter's Father, and a copy of the "Paternity Affidavit", which is required, by Law, in the State of Ohio, when the biological parents are not married, signed by her UBM and myself.  All of this mattered not, because none of them show her current name, they have on file.
I asked the SSA Representative, if she could confirm, my daughter's new last name (if I gave her the new husband's last name), she said she could neither confirm or deny what her current (name on file) was or wasn't.

So, now, I may never ever see my own daughter again, and by Law, her UBM and her new husband (my daughter's adoptive Father) never have to tell her, that I ever even existed.

This is not only wrong, it should be ILLEGAL, and since it isn't, then it should be.

It may be, too late, to fix my situation, but I can try to ensure that in the future, this doesn't happen to another UBF and more importantly his child(ren).

So, maybe you can see, where my pain lays.  There is not a single moment, that goes by, that I don't regret my choices, never do I ever regret the birth of my daughter, and I miss her, every single moment, of every single day.

Take care and God bless

[gemini3]

I appreciate your passion for the cause, and the pain you've gone through.  But I just want to point out a couple of things. 

First, there is no point for all the father's rights groups "in the world" to band together, because all countries have different laws, processes, etc.  So what we do here doesn't affect Japan, for example, or Iran, or Australia.  We have to focus on the U.S.  AND each state has different statutes for child custody - and their lawmakers are concerned with the people in their state, who vote them in and out of office.  So you have to address each one individually.

Second... there are some really good organizations out there who are doing great work.  But you have to look at the big picture.  Just because they didn't do anything for YOUR situation doesn't mean they aren't doing anything.  Changing these things takes a long time.  Look at the work being done by the ACFC and Fathers and Families.  There's no point in reinventing the wheel.  If you want to help, call them up and see what you can do.

Finally, there are a couple of good reasons why the laws for unmarried parents are what they are.  First, there is no way to confirm without a shadow of a doubt who the father of a baby is when it's born.  But you can be pretty darned sure who the mother is.  Know what I mean?  Part of the marriage contract implicitly covers these things - but when you aren't married there is no marital contract for the state to recognize.  But you DO have the option of establishing paternity, which you did.  So that puts you on the same footing, legally, as a married father.  The error, in your situation, is that you didn't pursue your rights when your girlfriend left with the baby.  Regrets or not, that's the way it is.  Changing the laws won't remedy those kinds of situations.

What does need to be changed, IMO, is the presumtion of custody.  The presumption of custody currently lies with the mother, when it should be shared.  That fact applies to both married and unmarried parents.  Both genders should have equal right and opportunity to raise their children.  No one will ever go so far as to guarantee that parents will always share custody, no matter the circumstance - but both sides should start out on the same line.  That's really the best we can hope for.

Also, coming from someone who spent over a decade in the TV business... you won't get a story based on only your experience.  They want stories that have broad appeal.  So you have to show that it has broad appeal.  Come at them with a group of fathers, who span several demographic categories, who have the same experience.  Then you might get their attention.  Talks shows are not your best bet, because they cater to a female demographic. 

[sarasdaddy282000]

So, basically, in your opinion, it would be worthless, to try to help Men, in my position, is that what I'm hearing?

I can understand and appreciate everything you have said, but it's not anything I haven't heard before.

Just because there are currently good organizations "out there", doesn't mean they help, in all situations.

You are correct, I made mistakes, that I can never change, and perhaps I will never see my child again.

As far as anyone caring, about my specific situation, I'm certain I'm not the only Unwed BF, in the USA, that has had the UBM, "taken the child(ren) and run"
Then marry and allow another man to adopt the child(ren), without any concern for the UBF nor the child(ren)'s rights. 

Yeah, you name me, one, Father's Rights Group, that's looking for a "Face" to represent them, I will volunteer, in a heartbeat.
I'm sick and tired, of being completely helpless, and dying a little each day, because of my loss.

My daughter's UBM, has "held all the cards", since our daughter's birth.
She was automatically given full Parental Rights, I wasn't.
She knew our financial situation, so she knew I couldn't afford to hire an attorney and go to Court, and even if I did, Legal Services would supply her with an attorney, at no cost to her.
She knew, as soon as I was forced to leave, (because I lost my job and my apartment, and needed to get "back on my financial feet"), that she could run and never have to see me ever again.
She knew, she could make me out to be the "Deadbeat Dad who ran out on her and our daughter", and everyone would be "on her side".
She knew, if she kept moving, I could never take her to Court, via the UCCJA.
She knew, if she did remarry, she could have her new husband adopt our daughter, without me ever knowing (and that I couldn't do anything about it).
She knew, our daughter was young enough, when I last saw her, that she wouldn't remember me nor my son, thus making it quite easy to have another man adopt our daughter, and our daughter never finding out, who her true UBF really is.
Yeah, my daughter's UBM, has won, and the Courts, have ensured her victory.

Yes, it would be great, to have an organization put together, that has "chapters", in all 50 States.
In that way, each chapter could concentrate on the Laws specific to their state.
Each "chapter" could even be broken down further, to individual Counties or Cities, because those Laws may not be specific to the State.
Each "chapter", would be responsible for knowing the Laws of their State, therefore knowing what Laws to concentrate on.
Each "chapter", would also be responsible for knowing, what Law makers and Judges, need to be replaced, if they don't work towards the common goals, the organization wishes to pursue.

Show me that organization, and I will not only volunteer to join, but to run it, be it's "Face Man", etc.

Yes, I truly appreciate your comments, and insight.

Thank you, for your time, consideration, and cooperation.

[gemini3]

So, basically, in your opinion, it would be worthless, to try to help Men, in my position, is that what I'm hearing?

Um, no.  That's not what I am saying.  I'm saying that your idea of how to go about helping men in your position is a little off the mark.

Just because there are currently good organizations "out there", doesn't mean they help, in all situations.

No one's going to be able to help in all situations.  I think a lot of people misunderstand what these organizations are supposed to do.  A lot of people are looking for a hero who's going to pick up the reigns for their individual case and "fix it".  That's neither possible, or efficient.  The focus is on changing the laws to make the situation more equitable - not about being a pro-bono law firm.

As far as anyone caring, about my specific situation, I'm certain I'm not the only Unwed BF, in the USA, that has had the UBM, "taken the child(ren) and run"  then marry and allow another man to adopt the child(ren), without any concern for the UBF nor the child(ren)'s rights. 

Nope, you're not.  But that doesn't mean a news organization is going to run your story.  I'm not trying to be heartless, I'm just telling you how the media works.  Debating whether or not it "should" be that way doesn't get either of us anywhere.  That's the way it is.  If you really want to drive awareness you'll figure that out and find a way to work with the system versus against it.

Yeah, you name me, one, Father's Rights Group, that's looking for a "Face" to represent them, I will volunteer, in a heartbeat.
I'm sick and tired, of being completely helpless, and dying a little each day, because of my loss.

I don't know of anyone who's looking for a poster child for disenfranchised fathers... there are already some pretty famous ones.  (Alec Baldwin, for example.)  But, if you want to focus your energy into a cause, contact one of the organizations I mentioned previously and see what kind of volunteer help they need.  PAAO also looks for volunteers.

Yes, it would be great, to have an organization put together, that has "chapters", in all 50 States.
In that way, each chapter could concentrate on the Laws specific to their state.
Each "chapter" could even be broken down further, to individual Counties or Cities, because those Laws may not be specific to the State.
Each "chapter", would be responsible for knowing the Laws of their State, therefore knowing what Laws to concentrate on.
Each "chapter", would also be responsible for knowing, what Law makers and Judges, need to be replaced, if they don't work towards the common goals, the organization wishes to pursue.

Like I said... it's already being done.  Don't bother trying to reinvent the wheel.  ACFC, Father's and Families.  Look them up.

[sarasdaddy282000]

Fair enough, I will look into helping existing organizations.

But just for fun, let me float a thought by you.

When it comes to inventions, there are two types:

1. Invent something new, that has not been created or existed before hand
2. Improve upon an existing idea (or invention)

Hey, like improving the "wheel"

So, for now, I will look into helping other organizations.

But remember, as I said before.

John Walsh and Steve Irwin, didn't simply leave things lie or give up, because they were told, that it couldn't be done.
Conservationism, Amber Alerts, Carly's Law, etc., all exist, because someone took their pain or passion, and made a difference.

I could care less, if anyone knows who I am, or my specific situation, I truly don't care about that.
If I can "improve" the possibility of another Unwed Biological Father, to keep his relationship with his child(ren), then it's
definitely worth it.

Again, I appreciate your insight and suggestions, respectfully.

Thank you, for giving me, your perspective, and a lot to think about.

I'm going to leave it, in God's hands, do a lot of praying, and let Him lead my way.

Take care and God bless.

[Dexterspa]

    I'm new to this whole father's rights thing but I believe I am going to be more and more involved.  I myself am a UBF and think I am going to be getting a lawyer real soon because I'm only allowed to see my son for one hour a day.

    I read your post and I hope you do as much as you can for father's rights.  Do whatever you can to reinvent the wheel don't just sit back and think others have already done enough.  I found this website in hopes of joining and hearing out other Dad's custody problems and what can be done.  My son is only a couple weeks old and I know I need to do whatever it takes to be in his life as much as possible. 
   
    We were together right up until a couple of weeks before my son was born and then she lost it.  I was there for the birth and everything though so that was good but a couple of days after she had our son she says she doesn't want to be together with me.  We have had numerous break ups in the past and they usually blow over but this one cut very deep.  I bought my son everything for his nursury and bought her anything she needed to be comfortable and now I'm just cast out and can only see my son for one hour a day.   I don't believe it's fair and I need a lawyer because there is no way I'm going to stick my head in the sand and cry about this,  I have to do whatever it takes! 

[sarasdaddy282000]

Well, first things first, you are correct, whether or not you get a lawyer, get to Court immediately, to establish your paternity, and your Father Parental Rights, unfortunately, most Family Courts, only want to acknowledge you, simply for the money, but it is a necessary step.  From there, you can move on to the more important matters of Custody and Visitation.  Please, don't do what I did, and now it may be too late.  Get that first step, going.
My thoughts, and prayers are with you.  I mean that.