Graduation & the war continues

[msme]

Hi everyone, It's been awhile but my thoughts & prayers are always with y'all.
Well, it doesn't seem possible but 10 years have passed since this mess began. DGD & DGS#1 will both graduate in 13 days. Thank God The old timers here know the crap the pbfh has put us through. Long story short, she has ODD, & multiple undiagnosed psychiatric issues. She has gone as long as 2 years without seeing or talking to the kids when we lived 11 miles away. Now that we are 10 hours away, she calls & tells them how much she misses them & how horrible their dad is for taking them so far away from her. (his job transfered him) Her CS is figured at minium wage from 2002. She rarely pays because she rarely works. He has never persued it. She often tells the kids that their dad doesn't want them. He only took them so he could get the CS.

At the time of his transfer, she was under a very restricted visitation order, due to abuse, 3 hours a week on Saturday afternoons, which she rarely used. He didn't go to court to change anything, just switched to standard LD visitation. She has screwed that up too. Now comes the problem. She has convinced DGD to not go to college here but to come back to TX & live with her. DGD has decided to do it. To top everything off, pbfh is prego. She is supposed to come for graduation & take DGD back with her. She will also take DGS#2 back for his month of summer visitation. DGS#1 has a job & will stay here. My son has told her that if she disappoints them, he will not send DGS#2, who is 13, there anymore. If she wants to see him, she will have to come here or send money for plane ticket or pay her CS. He doesn't have to send the older 2 anymore.

We think she is setting up to tell the kids that the doctor won't let her make the trip. She is about 4.5 months prego & last week told them that she had to go to a dr. 150 miles away & he said there is a problem with the baby. We don't believe her. She is on medicaid & they aren't gonna send her that far unless there was a critical issue. She lives in a big city with many excellant doctors & hospitals. She has treated each of her pregnancies like a critical disease rather than a condition.

She has always been anti education & tried from the time DGD turned 15 to convince her to quit school, that it isn't important. She also tried it with DGS#1, who she kidnapped, once. We have fought hard to get them to graduation. When they came home from Christmas visitation, DGS#2 told us that he doesn't want to graduate, that school isn't important & that he plans to drop out as soon as he can. I guess she decided to start earlier with him.

I don't know if anyone has any input but it is welcome. I guess we mainly needs lots of prayers & good thoughts sent this way over the next 2 weeks.

[ocean]

Well if she does not come then she needs to buy plane tickets for them to get there or get another way to get them. The older ones are on their own. Maybe she will go and see that mom wants her as a babysitter and come home. Just tell her that she can come back to your house IF she signs up for college classes or gets a full time job.

The younger child, if mom comes then she goes for her summer break, if not she stays with you.

Have you ever sat down with the older ones and showed them the child support papers and arrears? What age does it stop in the state that child support was ordered in the first place. I would try and get that case closed with the arrears attached, so she does not try and get support from you for older child that wants to go there.

[msme]

CS order is from TX & there is a warrant out for arrest for failure to pay & failure to appear. CS order says "age 18 or HS graduation, which ever comes last". My son is so disappointed. If she stayed here, she would have gone to college. Her mother is painting this rosey pic of life there.  We know she is in for a rude awakening. We have told her she can come back but there will be changes, as she is now an adult, not a HS school kid.
We have such mixed emotions about all this. We really don't want the pbfh to come but if she doesn't show after telling them she wouldn't miss it, it will be very painful for the kids. The little guy just wants his mom to want him. He was 3 when she started her crap. He has written letters to Santa, asking for her to come see him instead of presents. He is also worried about what position of importance the new baby will take & whether she will forget about him again. Just when you think she can't sink any lower, she manages to do it anyway.
We have never shown them any of the papers. He has told the older ones the amount ordered, that it is way lower than it should be. & that she doesn't pay unless forced. He has told them that if she helped, they would be able to do more. Also it is every parents duty to help support their children. Pbfh tells them that he makes plenty of money & a man is supposed to support his family. According to her, it shouldn't be a problem since he doesn't have to support her.
Thanks for your input.

[Kitty C.]

Oh, msme!  I don't have any advice, only words of comfort.  Tell gr8dad we're thinking about him, too.  The next few weeks will tell the tale, I guess.

As for the disappointment, it's always possible the kids (especially the youngest) are in for more of the same.  But I don't think they have any delusions about PBFH, either.  Yes, they may be disappointed if she fails to show...but they also know that it's just more of the same BS she's been feeding them all these years.  At least you and gr8dad know that they have learned the concept...something many kids are shielded from by well-intentioned but misguided parents (SS's BM comes to mind....'I just want my boys to be happy') and then the poor kids are in for a rude awakening when they enter the adult world and have to deal with it almost on a daily basis.  Your grandkids will be pros!