Too old to shower together?

[gemini3]

It's been a while since I posted - been overwhelmed with my course load at school lately.  But something recently came up with our girls that I thought was really weird, so I wanted to get others opinions.

My stepdaughters were at their mom's for a few hours after school this afternoon.  I dropped them off at school, then they took the bus to their mom's and she brought them here after dinner.  When I asked the youngest (11) to take a shower before bed she said she already had. Of course I argued with her because she hadn't taken one this morning before school, and she said she had taken one this afternoon with her mom.  After a few more questions we found out that the girls both shower with their mom fairly frequently, and that their mom is the one asking them to shower with her.  The girls are 11 and 14.  The oldest said she feels weird about it and hasn't done it lately (about 3 months).  The youngest doesn't know why we seemed bothered by it.

I didn't really know what to say.  I personally would not shower with children that age, even if they were my biological children.  My parents were a bit prudish, and I have never seen them naked, but I know that's not the norm for everyone.  My sister lives in another country where public bath houses are the norm - but I think there's a difference between soaking in a pool sized bath with some other people and showering in a small space where there's no way you can get around touching each other.  Their mother is very large, 300+ lbs, so I know that have to be bumping into her in an apartment sized shower. 

I just can't help but feel weird about it.  Especially since she's seeking it out, especially in the middle of the day when they are visiting her house.  It's totally creeping me out.  SD said that her mom doesn't touch her in the shower, and they wash themselves.  But still...

Thoughts??

[tigger]

Well, I don't have any daughters and I was raised by my dad and stepmom without much contact with my birth mother but I agree with you.  Seems a bit weird.  I'm VERY modest and don't even do the "all of us girls are going to the bathroom at the movies at the same time" thing.  That's personal time.  No one needs to go with me. 

I went shopping with a friend who grew up with three sisters.  (I had a sister but we were 8 years apart and both of us are modest.)  She started to come into the changing room with me and said that she did that all the time with her sisters and friends.  She couldn't believe that I wouldn't let her come in.  I told her that it would freak me out to know that she was waiting outside the door for me so she needed to wait at the edge of the area.  LOL . . . .  so showering with ANYONE . . . um no.

[neutron11]

It does seem weird to me, especially after you describing the small space in the shower. I grew up with many brothers and sisters and only one bathroom so it was normal for all girls to shower together in groups of two, or showering with my mom but that was due to lack of time and space. And I am from a different country so that was normal. Here in the United States, I don't see that kind of behavior as typical. They only time I would imagine parents doing such a thing with girls that age is because they are going to a party or event and there is no time for everybody to wait for the shower to be unoccupied. Nevertheless, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if the girl claims her mom doesn't touch her inappropriately. I would just watch out for more examples of weird behavior before acting.

[ocean]

In our house, we jump in and out and keep water running to get us all in. My girls are teens, one is doing hair, another is showering but not in the tub at the same time.
Little weird that she gets them a few hours after school and decides to do showers. Just teach them to say, that they want a little privacy and want to take a shower themselves on longer visits, and the shorter ones, just say, I took one this morning or I will take one when I get home.

[Spaceman1982]

Weird....yes.

Fact that a child is even saying its weird makes it worse. Thats all that needs to be said if even she is saying its weird.

[gemini3]

Yeah... I would just chalk it up to different parenting styles BUT it hadn't happened in the middle of the afternoon, while no one else was there, at her mother's request, when there was no need for a shower.  It just seems so weird to me.

SD2 gets out of school 2 1/2 hours before her sister on Wednesdays.  She had just showered the night before, wasn't dirty, and then she put back on the same clothes she wore to school.  She was only over there for 5 hours total.  Why the need for a shower??  And, if a shower was necessary - she and her sister have their own bathroom over there.  Why does she need to shower with her mom?

I also think it would be ok if everyone was trying to get ready and there was only one shower and everyone was in a rush, or something like that.  But that wasn't the deal at all.  It was kind of like, hey we've got a couple hours before your sister gets here - let's shower together.  You know?   

I try not to make mountains out of molehills, and not let the little things get to me when it comes to their mom.  We have enough battles with her, you know?  But this just feels really wrong to me.   

[Spaceman1982]

It is weird  You arent crazy. I reiterate if the child even thinks its weird and shes the one showering with her, then it is

[ocean]

You would not go to court over this but I think it deserves to be addressed or at least give the kids the skills and if it happens again, address it.

One thing to say hey, sis it not coming, lets take showers and do our hair...something like that. Maybe mom did not take her shower yet BUT still very weird, child is 11 and can watch tv or something while mom jumps in shower.

[Mom1Step2]

Wow, I thought we had it weird when BM washes their hair in the shower for them (11 & 14 like you). I would be totally flipped out if she was in the shower naked with them.

I have had to do lice treatments with our girls, so I have been in the bathroom with them while there were naked, but never when I was... that is too weird.