My wife is keeping the kids from me...

[cypollo]

Last week my wifes family assaulted me while she took the kids away. Since then she has refused to let me see or talk to them. She is also keeping them out of school. All of this was done because I wouldn't agree to her settlement terms.

We have a temporary order hearing on the 26th but my attorney isn't certain the judge will hear the evidence or that he will rule against the mother very easily. I'm looking for some group or person in S.E. Texas that could help me at the hearing or provide some information that I can use. Anything at all would be appriciated.

[ocean]

I would go to the school and get a copy of the attendance records and give it your attorney. Maybe she switched their schools?? You will find out when you go down there. If she did, the school will give you a copy of the transfer paper that should be in their file.
What is the visitation suppose to be now while you are awaiting trial? Document every attempt to get them...video camera? take a witness? have police escort and if she refuses, get a report (they probably will not enforce but you can get them to write it up). Try and get them every time you are court ordered. Did you call the police on the last exchange? If you did, did you get a copy of that report?
The school will be a big one if she is not sending them and they are not "sick" Do you know their dr? See if she has brough them their in the past week.
Good luck!

[cypollo]

Thanks for the information. I should have clarified that there has not been a custody order yet, which iscomplicating some things.

[ocean]

The school info is for parents regardless of custody. There is a federal law that all public schools MUST give BOTH bio parents their child's records (including report cards, attendence, emergency cards info-see if she put you as the father). Be nice as pie at the school and see what you get, if they give you a hard time, nicely ask for the principal and explain you are the child's father and under the law are entitiled to it. (They know this, and you are not the first father to ask for it). Some people have trouble getting info, if that is the case, come back and there is a letter you send them that should get you the info.
No custody, okay....does she have a lawyer? if she does, have your lawyer ask hers when you can see the kids next. Her lawyer will tell her she should be allowing visits. Maybe that will help? At the very least when you go on the 26th, have your lawyer make a temporary visitation plan so you have some court order to follow if this gets drawn out over months. If you lose the custody now until trial, you should still have a parenting plan ready to offer right there so you can get something on paper. Ask for the moon! Do  you live in the same school district? Just my opinion.....
Good Luck!

[notnew]

against her family for assault. Do it if it happens again. Don't waste your time feeling bad about the situation. Her family has chosen to get involved.

You lawyer seems to not have a good handle on things. Why hasn't he/she made suggestions to file anything right NOW! Keeping your kids out of school is NOT IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS -  you might consider filing for custody based on this.

What has been filed in the courts so far? What is the hearing for? The judge will NOT discuss visitation etc., if the filing is not for that.

You need to file an ex-parte for custody of your kids. Who is living in the marital home?

What were her settlement terms that you would not agree to?

Who were the kids living with  until the fight?

I would file an RO against her and her family to keep things under control.

Your exchanges need to take place at a police station to keep everyone under control.

What kind of hearing do you have on the 26th?

You are in danger. If your lawyer is advising  you to be the bigger person and be a gentleman you need to run away screaming and fin another lawyer. Did your lawyer advise you to agree to the terms that you found unacceptable?

Your STBX is trying to ruin your life and ruin your relationship with your kids. Stop it now if you can.

Keep us posted

[cypollo]

Thanks for all the suggestions, I hope some of the details below help:

I filed a policereport under Domestic Violence against both her parents. It is supposed to have automatic charges filed. I also filed for a protective order Pro Se on behalf of myself and the kids against them.

The hearing is for temporary orders including custody. I filed an afidavit detailing the assault as part of my petition. I have a TRO but it does not give me access, just prevents her from taking off with them, though I don't know where the boys are right now.

The boys had been living with her and I had them alternating weekends and every Monday. In addition, I would pick them up everyday from school and take them to her in the evening, after she got home. She wanted primary of both the boys and for me to just trust her to let me see them outside of what the court would order. I wanted some form of gaurantee in the decree, like first right of refusal, but she would not agree.

She is extremely spoiled and expected me to give her what she wanted because she wanted it. When I told her I would fight for primary she and her family showed up at my apartment 10 mins. later.

I know that her goal is to hurt me as much as possible because I'm not giving into her. She even said that the kids were her only weapon against me. I'm looking for anything else that I can do to help me see my boys more than the standard visitation.

[mistoffolees]

You didn't say much about your soon-to-be-Ex, but from what you did say, I would suggest that you read up on something called narcissistic personality disorder. (google it). It also tends to affect children of NPDs, so maybe she got it from her parents.

If that's what she has, you're going to have a long fight. NPDs are willing to lie and they think the world revolves around them. Anyone who gets in their way gets the full blast of their rage.

Fortunately, a good attorney can help you through it. If the attorney's good enough, they are likely to be able to get her to blow up in court which can only help your case.

Good luck. If my guess is correct, you're far better off being out of there. And especially, good luck with the kids.

[notnew]

The protective order and the domestic abuse report - has there been any follow up on this? You need to make phone calls to find out. What did your lawyer say about these? They need to be followed up on. You need to establish that her family is a danger and part of the problem.

DO NOT ALLOW HER TO GET  sole legal or physical custody. Do not agree to anything that is against what you want being told it is only "temporary". there are no temporary orders - the temp. orders are the foundation for the permanent ones. Don't be fooled.

I am concerned about the representation you have. How do you feel about the advice/feedback your lawyer is giving you?  Lawyers can screw things up real good if you don't watch it. You need a good family law lawyer who represents a larger portion of father's cases successfully. I am shocked your lawyer thinks your evidence won't be heard in the temp. hearing based on what has happened to date.

Also, I'd post on Dear Socrateaser's forum. Follow the mandatory guidelines but he is good and knows his stuff!

keep us posted.

[cypollo]

The attorneys concern comes from the fact that the Judge we pulled has a reputation for making automatic temp rulings in favor of the mother with standard visitation for the father. If we are heard we are confident we will prevail. I was told it would take 3 -5 business days to follow-up on the policereport with charges. I was going to call the police this afternoon to get an update.

I am pulling out all the stops for the temp. hearing. I have the marriage councillor showing up to give his assesment as well as the doctor I went to after the attack. We are trying to get the police as witnesses but they, as standard procedure, do not give testimony without a judges supoena. If we are heard we are going to plead our whole case at this hearing. It is my hope that, and I believe it's the case, that she is going to show up with just her testimony. We hope to blindside her and her attorney with an avalanche of facts.

I'm just so anxious that I want to get all the help I can to ensure I'm not overlooking something that could turn things in my favour. I really do appriciate the help and advice I've been getting it's been extremely helpful.

[cypollo]

She does think the world revolves around her. She has stated before that she is "damn near perfect." That is what the councilor is going to testify to. That she believes that anything she does is justified and right. Her mother and father, who now live in my house, have reinforced this idea.