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mother won't discole information on dental

Started by shellcode, Jan 22, 2013, 05:07:24 PM

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Me and my ex live in NYC, and our daughter is 6 we have joint legal custody , while her having physical custody, and me every other weekend visits.I ask if my daughter been to the dentist, she told me yea last summer, than i ask my daughter if mommy took you she told me," no" but the ex giving me a hard time providing information, seems like she doesn;t want me to take her or something, i really try to co-parent with her but she wants to take things her way, i would like find out, but i need my kid medicaid she going to denied me that, cuz we had a dispute about that...

if she denying to take my kid to the dentist, can i file for sole legal? or is not that bad of a situation?


Joint legal means you both make decisions for child, usually if possible together. Since she is primary, usually regular check-ups (dentist and dr) are done by primary parent since they have child more and when the doctor is open. You can request child's records if you know which dr/dentist she went to. Try calling them first to get info. If child is in school, you can get medical record from them about who the dr's are. In NY, in order to got school, they need certain shots/physicals every other year plus they now encourage a dental visit form to be filled out but it is not mandated yet.

Try working with mother. Offer to take child if she can not. Ask for names of dr so you can order your own records. This is not something you will get sole custody over unless she is not bring child to dr when sick or hurt (medical neglect).


yea i trying to but she won;t disclose me with that information...she upset or whatever....and she being  a ass about it..


i asked her just now, if i could get a copy of the dental records,waiting for her answer


do you by any slight chance have access or know the insurance information that covers the child?

Then go figure it out that way.

Running into a similar problem here -- though not MY situation, the next generation is taking over.  And I used to use insurance information to back track what really happened.

Sole custody?  I agree -- nope, not enough on it's own, but it adds to the picture.


oh really? wow, crazy, i could ask the grandmom but she going to be like i have to call the mother because she compliance with her too.But i will be talking to a lawyer soon and what can i do, cuz this never ends is something always new, she been violated my visits many times, she feels like she has the upper hand, and i ask for the copy she says," leave her alone, and don;t i got other things to do," i really want to have full custody, and i think i should address that as way, when i went to get my daughter for visits, front of my daughter her mother had a fist fight front of my kid... cops came and everything. but no police was filed.. and i did my ex a favor and dropped her off at friends and that i get treated this way...


Stick to court order at all times. If she does not allow visit, call police and get report. Then after a few, file contempt of court with make-up time.
Go to your child's school and get a copy of medical record. It will have dr's names and the physicals/shot record. You can get most things without ex. Better just get records yourself. If the school or dr office gives you a hard time, post again and there are two great letters on this site you can give them with your rights as a father but try the nice way first! LOL
Send mom a certified letter stating you will drop child in driveway of her house (if that is drop off point) and you will help child out of car and send her to do. That you would like her to wait at door for child and not have any contact with you so child does not witness anymore arguments.
Little contact as possible and if she contacts you, only answer if she needs an answer, one sentence reply and ignore.


Yea i will go to the school tomorrow and find out i have the joint legal custody court order, in case they don;t give me the info, and maybe the child does not have a dental DR, i believe the mother is lying and never took the child, that's why she don' tell me the location, OK, so what happens if i do get the records, should i still go to court and file a violation because of her denying me access? or to take to my child to the dentist, because i know my ex, if my daughter do have a appointment she going to give me a hard time...


Depends, is this worth going to court once a month for the next few months?
Not really, just start getting your info other ways and leave ex out of it. See if you can get info through school, if not, send ex a certified letter (to sign for letter) requesting child's dentist name and offering to take child if she can not make an appointment. Request that she email/text you for all future appointments. Can request a copy of her medical card in case she is sick with you. Keep it simple. See if she replies. If not, you can send another letter, more formal and giving her a time frame or you will ask the courts to intervene in getting your the information.

If you have joint custody, you can always make an appointment on your time and take her.


I agree that its not worth going to court over if Mom didn't give you the information and you managed to figure it out in the end.

I had to use a backdoor as well -- but one time, when we were in court for something else, I told the judge that Dad didn't give me a copy of the insurance cards ever.   Judge asked him why not?  Dad said "Well, she made a copy of what was in my son's wallet, so why should I give them to her?"  Judge said "YOU never gave them to her and you should have."     So guess how the hearing went from there....??? 

The goal is getting the proper care for the child.  If you can figure out where her doctor and dentist is....don't take mom to court - but down the road, you're probably gonna get to share what you had to do to get it because Mom didn't provide and it will be a factor the judge considers when deciding something else.

If you can't figure it out -- and you have joint legal custody -- then YES, ask the court to order mom to provide the information.

About appointments -- yes, joint legal means either one of you can take her.  It also means you can call and ASK of BM set an appointment for down the road and has plans to take her.     Bottom line again is to make sure the child receives the care she needs.  And if BM doesn't do it on her time, you can do it on yours.