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Started by mom427, Feb 27, 2013, 08:45:12 AM

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I believe my ex husband might be a true narcissist.  My son is showing major signs of parental alienation.  I have been told by social workers that my son is just getting older and things just don't roll off his back as much.  I told them he went from excited to see me for the summer to not wanting to go and claiming I am at fault for everything.  That I even ruined his life because I have had been out of the picture.  Because he didn't know what I looked like before I reestablished visitation.  I have a letter from his grandmother saying she will make sure he knows who his mother is and show him my picture.  I guess she lied, which isn't a surprise. 
At any rate, my son told me when he was telling me that he didn't want to go to visitation because he wanted to spend more time with his dad (I have summer visitation as I live in a different state)  He told me that his dad was going to be mad at him because he is upset.  He told me that he felt that everything was his fault.  My reply was that he is a child and none of this is his fault and that there is nothing wrong with being upset that it is our duty to help you work out your feelings.  He told me that since it isn't his fault that everything must be my fault.

His father told me he took him to a therapist and they told him that our son has abandonment issues (Yes, I was out of contact for a year and a half and just phone for a year and half before that, but this is after 3 summer visitations.) and that that is my fault and that he is having troubles in spelling because he doesn't want to work hard enough and it's all his fault his spelling grades are up and down instead of the straight A's and B's he gets in other subjects.  BTW, my ex had been asking me on how to help with his spelling and he said he thinks his way is best because it worked, at first and it doesn't work now because my son just doesn't want to do it.  His technique is to have my son write his spelling words 10 times each everyday.  My son had complained to me so many times about hand cramps from this.  I suggested to my ex that he might test him and only write the one's he doesn't know instead of all of them.  But they only  ask my advise and never takes it.

My ex snaps his fingers and points to the ground next to him and says in a stern tone, "HUG"  This is how my ex shows affection to our son.  But to me it's like he's commanding a dog.  My son has told me many time that he hates hugs.  He has a nickname for our son too.  It's Goofy. 

When I reestablished visitation my ex in front of my son told me, "it's ok you went off and partied and did drugs we all go through that"  I told him that he was wrong and that I didn't move out of state to do drugs, but that I went to school.  He should know about this because I used to tell my son about it at the time.  He is always pretty calm but he says these types of passive aggressive things all the time but if you get upset he wonders why you're mad.  If he gives me a chance to talk in an argument he would turn his head and look away and not say anything. 

He has also asked me to give up my rights both times he has got remarried.  This second time he believes it is better for my son to have his 3rd wife adopt him rather than follow the state's recommendation because he knows better than they do what is best for as he puts it,"my son."  He even told my husband he can't call our son, son, because it is his son.  My husband said OK and promised not to do it again while also explaining that he calls a lot of people that like when people say dude or man.  And he didn't mean it like he was claiming he was his son.  My husband knows enough not to try and replace his father nor does he have the desire to.  He knows like me that he already has a father, even though he isn't a very good one.

There is much, much more to this of course.  But, do you think he is a true narcissist or just a self centered person?

Oh also his mother excuses any "mistakes" he makes with his children on his bad father, who actually abandoned him.