dad wtih custody

[John-J-Jay]

I've had legal custody of my daughter for 7 ½ years. She is almost 10. Her mother left us when she was 2 and moved to another state. Three years ago I got remarried and recently have had a divorce from my 2nd wife. My 2nd wife really didn't accept my daughter as her own and it caused problems within our marriage as a result. So now my daughter and I are back to just ourselves. My daughters mother hasn't paid me child support in almost 4 years and we have a very unusual visitation order where I don't see my child at the holidays and she has her during the whole summer. I have recently petitioned the court to order my ex-wife to pay me child support and to move to standard visitation. I have kept my daughter in the same home, same school, church and sport teams within our community, not to mention I've been very stable with my employment and make sufficient money.

 

my ex has recently threatened me that she is going to make this go all the way if i file a motion to modify visitation/order her to pay child support. if she was to file a motion for custody would she get any where? I've had custody for 7 ½ yrs, no criminal record, not even a speeding ticket, my child is excelling in school, has lots of friends and I've served on community action boards within the community dealing with children. do I have anything to worry about?

we live on the east coast and her mother lives two states away and seeing our child once a month and all holidays, my reason for filing the motion is so our child can have sometime with my family during the holidays and summer. Not to mention her mother doesn't supply any of her needs such as clothing, school supplies or any financial support. So that was my reasoning for asking for child support

[Ref]

Do you have an attorney? If you don't, get one. It is worth not making the mistakes Pro se's make.

What the courts will look for is a change in circumstances for custody, visitation and CS.

Do you have a CS order, but that you haven't enforced?

It sounds like you are being pretty reasonable. What you will want to do is to make sure BM has the same amount of time with the child as before. Courts typically don't like taking time away from the NCP.

This is my DH's arrangement. Every other school break(spelled out in detail), any weekend he wants so long as there is 7 days notice, all summer but the first two weeks and the last week.  He has very long distance (1500 miles).

Does your ex have your kid on all holidays including president's day and memorial day or is it just major holidays. Does she have all of the breaks (Spring, Winter and Fall) or just the days of the holiday?

Good luck
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[John-J-Jay]

Thanks for the reply.

She has our child every holiday and "all" summer. She leaves the day school lets out and returns the day before school starts. I have an atty and he has assured me i will be fine. I have no time with my child other than when she is in school.

Have you ever had any friends or knew anyone that had custody removed? if so what was the circumstances?

It's just a fear of mine with the cusotdy issue. I don't have any negative factors that would cause the court to remove my child. She is well taken care of Medically, mentally, school, friends, established home and family memebers in the local area.  

[Ref]

There are plenty on this board that would love to get custody of their kids that can't because of how difficult they make it.

In my case, BM was drinking a lot, leaving SD home alone at 7, was unemployed for 10+ years, denied visitation, moved out of state with the child and has no contact with any family. SD lived in govmt housing for her whole childhood and went to a violent school district because BM didn't work. When DH looked to see if he could have custody changed (we have tons of family, nice neighborhood and excellent schools and we would NEVER leave SD alone at that age), we got laughed out of the room.

There are people on this board who have ex's that do drug, have been arrested, multiple partners, kids got arrested, etc etc and they still can't get custody. So unless you are a danger to your child you have next to nothing to worry about.

You will be fine. Just out of curiosity, why does she think she should have custody now (besides the obvious spite)?

Also, this is a ploy a lot of people do to distract you from asking for what you think is fair. When DH went for more visitation, BM sued for an increase in support, and lost. When DH went for CS modification after losing his job, BM sued to decrease visitation (she lost again). Don't let her distract you from caring about what you think is fair, more time with your child and child support.

When it comes to the CS issue, I think it is a mistake not to collect the money from BM. First of all, it is your child's money, not yours so you really shouldn't be letting BM keep it. If you are doing well and don't need it, put it in a college savings plan for your child.

The reason I asked if there is a CS order that you have not enforced is that it may change her to being on the defense again. If she hasn't paid and there is no agreement, then she would owe quite a chunk of back-support. She wont be as anxious to go to court over custody if she knows that she may be in for a hefty back-support obligation.

Best wishes
Ref

[John-J-Jay]

no we don't have a child support order in place. But I believe she should pay, i carry all insurance and pay all deductables etc. I support my child 100%, clothing, school, food shetler etc.

She thinks she has a leg to stand on with custody because my 2nd and wife and myself didn't work out. We didn't have any family violance etc. We never hit, cursed or was bad. It just didn't work out. but I think she is thinking in her head that it's a benefit to her because she is married and i'm not. She also claims because she has a higher credit score than i do, she's a better parent. I disagree. Credit doesn't have anything to do with custody as far as i know.

yet i've had custody of our daughter all her life.

[Ref]

You could potentially get back-support for 6 years! Holy macaroni! She should not be threatening anything and just give you what you want.

Shoot - divorces happen all the time, doesn't mean that she should get custody and credit score! My God!

I would wish you luck, but it looks like you don't need it.

Ref

[Kitty C.]

Our visitation agreement for summer (long distance) was one week after school was out to one week before school started.  This was established back in 1993.  Two reasons for this:  it helps the child to transition better (it certainly helped my DS!) and it also allows for any medical/dental appts. that need to be made.  As it is, any appts. you make for her, you will have to take her out of school to do it, right?

And from what I've seen, this kind of arrangement is becoming more and more common all the time with LD visitation schedules.  Just food for thought........

[John-J-Jay]

that is very true. Any Dr. Apts i have to take her out of school for dental check-ups, well checks etc. that is a very good thought.

Do you see any problems with the custody portion if she was to contest custody? sorry for asking but it's something that really weighs on me.

[Giggles]

In order for her to change custody she would have to have a very STRONG "change of circumstance".  From what you have stated, she would only do it if you filed for CS right?  Judges don't take too kindly to those kinds of "retalitory" cases.  Judges want to preserve the "Status Quo" and the "Best interest" of the child.  I really don't think you have anything to worry about...even if your daughter stated she wanted to go live with Mom, at 10 y/o the judge wouldn't really consider that.  Get a revised parenting plan so you have some "non-school" time with your daughter and the CS you deserve!!
Good Luck

[notnew]

Wow, what a DUMMY I am. Had I KNOWN my better then ex's credit score would have been my ace in the hole for custody, I NEVER would have tried to get my kid because of being absent/tardy for over HALF of the school year (which wasn't enough to change custody).

She is full of hot air. I know you can't help but worry. The absurdity of her reasoning just flies in the faces of all of us who have REAL reasons to transfer custody and the courts just look the other way!

The courts rarely would change custody with child in such a stable environment. You've got all your bases covered. I think you will be fine.

We'll be looking for your post after court to let us know you've retained custody!