Mom is "missing", what can I do?

[missmyson]

We recently settled on a custodyy arrangement, and I have been taking care of my 1 year old son every other weekend, and almost every other day during the evening. (so I should change my Username :) ...)
 
Anyway, Mom disappeared 12 days ago, saying she was looking to go into treatment for addiction/ mental health issues.  She has since contacted me via text message saying she was in treatment, but refuses to say where, or to have anyone verify this.  She lives with her parents and they also have requested that she verify it with them, but she will not.  As she is using her cell-phone at 2:00 in the morning we don't think she is actually in treatment.  

Her parents told me that they could only take care of him for a couple more weeks- unless they feel that she is in treatment.  Otherwise I will have to take him full time - which I welcome.  The problem there is that the support comes out of my check (current - no arrears owed) and I will need that stopped to pay for 2-3 days daycare so that I can keep my job.  

Should I file an Emergency Motion to modify custody based on the fact that Mom has been gone for 12 days?  I have many text messages in my phone to verify that she is gone, and admitting to needing treatment, and being diagnosed with several mental disorders.  If she is in treatment, the court can find out, and then we can all decide what to do based on that information.  If she is not, then our son needs to be where his parent can take better care of him.  

If I can't file an emergency motion, then what would happen to a regular modification motion based on her absence - when she returns during the proceedings.  This kind of motion can take time, so she will probably resurface during the proceedings.  Will that derail the whole thing?

The money can be a seperate issue, as I could go into debt while I await the outcome of court proceedings.

I have already spent everything I could on the lawyer for the settlement, so I have to do this on my own.

Please help.  I need to know what to do next week.  I am afraid that if I do nothing, and she returns, she may disappear with the child.  If not, then we are all just waiting for her next run, and the child will continue to grow up in a very unstable, unloving, fearful environment.    

[Jade]

>We recently settled on a custodyy arrangement, and I have
>been taking care of my 1 year old son every other weekend, and
>almost every other day during the evening. (so I should change
>my Username :) ...)
>
>Anyway, Mom disappeared 12 days ago, saying she was looking to
>go into treatment for addiction/ mental health issues.  She
>has since contacted me via text message saying she was in
>treatment, but refuses to say where, or to have anyone verify
>this.  She lives with her parents and they also have requested
>that she verify it with them, but she will not.  As she is
>using her cell-phone at 2:00 in the morning we don't think she
>is actually in treatment.  
>
>Her parents told me that they could only take care of him for
>a couple more weeks- unless they feel that she is in
>treatment.  Otherwise I will have to take him full time -
>which I welcome.  The problem there is that the support comes
>out of my check (current - no arrears owed) and I will need
>that stopped to pay for 2-3 days daycare so that I can keep my
>job.  
>
>Should I file an Emergency Motion to modify custody based on
>the fact that Mom has been gone for 12 days?  I have many text
>messages in my phone to verify that she is gone, and admitting
>to needing treatment, and being diagnosed with several mental
>disorders.  If she is in treatment, the court can find out,
>and then we can all decide what to do based on that
>information.  If she is not, then our son needs to be where
>his parent can take better care of him.  
>
>If I can't file an emergency motion, then what would happen to
>a regular modification motion based on her absence - when she
>returns during the proceedings.  This kind of motion can take
>time, so she will probably resurface during the proceedings.
>Will that derail the whole thing?
>
>The money can be a seperate issue, as I could go into debt
>while I await the outcome of court proceedings.
>
>I have already spent everything I could on the lawyer for the
>settlement, so I have to do this on my own.
>
>Please help.  I need to know what to do next week.  I am
>afraid that if I do nothing, and she returns, she may
>disappear with the child.  If not, then we are all just
>waiting for her next run, and the child will continue to grow
>up in a very unstable, unloving, fearful environment.    

You need to file for emergency custody and include having the child support stopped as you would have custody.  Contact your attorney (and if you don't have one, get one) first thing Monday morning.  

You really do need to act fast.  Once you get temporary custody, fight to have the visits supervised until she can prove that she is no longer using drugs.  Your child's safety is priority.  Good luck.

[missmyson]

I am afraid to proceed, because of my Ex's potential wrath, the judge may see me as being an opportunist and that could be held against me later.  I don't know what to do.

BM has texted that she will be out on May 28th, so will the judge just ask me why I didn't wait for her to get out?  Might the judge just say," lets wait and see if she returns"?  Her parents are not likely to come to court with me to testify as to the situation, so the opnly evidence I will have will be the missing person report, and the text messages on my cellphone in which she says she is in treatment and she will be back the 28th.  

Will this be enough evidence?  

Could somebody PLEASE tell me what to do ?? I feel like my son's future could be forever changed by my going to court, or not going.  If I do not prevail, BM could make things very difficult for my son and I.  She is not well, and likes to spend all day on the phone causing trouble for people.  I have always paid support, and am very active in my son's life.  I am 100% clean and sober - but have 2 DUI's on my record from 4-8 years ago (that's what it took for me to "get it") .

I have read that if Mom is in prison I could just not return the child to the grandparents, and go to court for emergency custody hearing based on not being able to return the child to his mother- and prevail.  Does this apply in my case?  Is it that simple?  What kind of evidence do I need?

[mistoffolees]

Contact a local attorney. They will give you better advice on a complicated issue like this than you'll get here.

[Davy]

OK !

The mother, the court, the attorneys and perhaps the grandparents have all been party to creating a situation that endangers children and
places fathers between a rock and a hardspot while trying to maintain themselves while maintaining and protecting their child(ren).  

You are not alone. It is entirely up to you to assure your son's well being and you have a far greater AUTHORITY to do so then any of the aforementioned.  

Another way to look at things is that you and your son do not exist for the promotion of others self serving egos.

It is best to coorperate with all but always be firm.  

Take full time custody of the child - find a way.

Stop all CS payments immediately (thru the agency) OR whatever it takes.

The grandparents knowingly or unknowingly providing the mechanism for their daughters behavior.  They are unable to supervise future visitations.

Don't worry about the mother's wrath.  Let her be responsible for making her own arrangments if and when she reappears.

If you can't find a way to do the above on your own then obtain counsel to do it - it should be a walk in the park (ie UNCONTESTED).

There is not a decent human being that can find fault with you for taking these actions ... but a lot that will for doing nothing.
   

[missmyson]

The "missing" ex has texted to say she will return Wednesday the 30th.  Her parents say that If she is not back by the 1st, they will help me go to court, but I don't know if they will follow through.  She still will not say where she is, or otherwise provide any proof she is in treatment.  I think she's just running around.  

If I go before the judge with the present situation, won't he just say that we should wait until the end of the week to see if she returns?   If I enter an emergency motion for custody, I think he will say it is not an emergency because she says she is returning in a couple of days.  

I very much want to make sure that our son has the best, most stable and safe childhood possible.  However, I am very unsure about what to do to make that happen.  

If the parents don't help, the only evidence I have of the situation is the missing person's report and my cell phone text messages.  Would the judge use those messages in court?  

Should I keep him after the weekend visitation and go to court Tuesday to enter an emergency motion for change of custody?  Should I just wait and enter a motion for modification of custody after she returns - based on the change in circumstance that she had disappeared for 3 weeks, and is presently unable to function normally due to her alcoholism and other mental problems?  Would a judge subpeona mental health records for a trial?

I am so afraid to do anything because the system seems so against me as a father.  I am afraid that the result will be that she will prevail, and just be smarter about everything in the future.  She will probably move far away ( her disease will compel her) and find every way to give me a hard time.  

PLease help.  I feel like I have the opportunity to change my son's life in a positive way, and I am letting it slip away because of my stupid fears.

[ocean]

No, go get emergency temporary custody now. Since ex is in a treatment center, this is your opportunity to get it. Once she is out, then she can just say that you were "watching him".  When she is released she should have to continue any medication or counseling in order to have access to the child.

Good luck!

[Sunshine1]

Did you go down today and file or give him back to the grandparents?

[missmyson]

I brought him back.  I was sooo close to doing it, but I talked to my family and they thought I should wait and see if she comes back this week, then if she has no proof she was in treatment, proceed from there.  I feel like a weakling for having done so.  I was also thinking of our wonderful police, who have not made good decisions in the past regarding this whole thing.  I need to check with them before I do anything, I guess.  

But I have to do something.  I am sorry for having not taken your advice regarding the emergency custody.  But I would still like to know what is the best thing to do from this point.  If she comes back this week with no proof that she was in treatment, then all she did is disappear from her child for 3 weeks- leaving no info as to where she is, and only telling us of her return 2 weeks into the disappearence.  Her parents were not left money to provide for him.  

There must be something I can do.

Thank-you  :)

[Davy]

Missmyson,

I hope for son and all his family to make solid decisions on his behalf concerning his welfare.  I also hope for his mother in all her irrational behavior and outrageousness that leads to manipulating EVERYONE around.

Normally, the loved ones of those involved in any treatment would be notified immediately.  More importantly, those needing treatment do not usually volunteer for treatment but require force (ie prison time, etc).  

I'm not an alarmist but it would be best that NOBODY (family and authorities) allow this mother to leave with this child.  She may be under the emotional control of complete strangers.  She may leave the next time with the child in tow then proceed to spend the money meant to support the child on drugs and alcohol.....

BTW, you are not unique in your feeling of weakness.  I dare say that many (or most) fathers experience the same feeling --- constantly and continuesly between a rock and a hard spot on each and every issue.
You are OK !!

The best you can do for your son is to focus on him with the support of all family and the authorities.  

[Sunshine1]

Seriously, to me it sounds like she is locked up.  I would call you local jails and find out if she is in there.  You can do that.  They will tell you if she is or not.  I don't know how she would be using her phone to text you though.  She is not in treatment either, you don't get to keep your phone, you have to call the facility to speak to them and vice versa.

The whole thing sounds fishy, and I would keep an extremely close eye on her if she returns!

Oh yeah...and you are not weak...read my signature quote......

[ocean]

Not true...if she is inpatient she can have a phone in most facilities...It is not like jail. They are usually in lock-down for 3 days then to apartment style living if you are not in danger to yourself or others....

[Sunshine1]

Huh!!  All my family members must of been a danger to themselves or others, their phones were confiscated until departure.  LOL

[missmyson]

Yesterday she texted a friend to call her parents and have them meet her at a fast food resteraunt.  THen she texted back to say she was too busy to make it and would have to meet them today.  This does not sound like someone returning from treatment.  This sounds more like a something you would hear in a court tv documentary- too shady.  However, she ended up coming back to her house for a few hours today and saw her children again.
    She told her parents she is not going to be providing me with any verification of where she has been.  She said she is in a halfway house, going to counseling all day and meetings in the evening.  She said she wants to stay there another week so she can finish the program she is in.  Then she showed them a bag full of medication she has been perscribed.  They believe her, because she has gained weight and seems well.  I believe she may be in a halfway house now- but if she is seeking a medicinal cure for her addiction- there is none.  If she is attending yet more counseling to help her with mental health issues, this is a common "way out" for those who will not admit their real problem, and are still trying to find a way to get back to drinking and using.  These things can help- as something is better than nothing.  But unless the addiction is made the #1 priority recovery will fail, and any other progress can be thrown out the window.  
     She has said that she is seeking SSI disability benefits for her mental illness.  This is classic.  People who need help are often channeled into a path which provides them with easy money, perscription drugs, and excuses for their continuing bad behavior.  
      So, even if she is telling the truth, I am still very concerned for my son's well being.  She is scary- terrible when drinking ( and I believe using).  She becomes like a monster who doesn't care about anything.  
Two months ago she got drunk and broke into my apartment - while the children waited in the car.  Our wonderful local police found every excuse they could not to charge her.  I should pursue that with the district attorney.  
       Can I obtain any of these record to enter a modification of custody?  Could I show that her deteriorating mental condition is a substatial change of circumstances?  How can I do this without an attorney ?  My last one is threatening to garnish my wages if I can't pay her $8500 in 9 months.  I guess its too late for the emergency motion.  I need to do something.  Please help.
      I VERY much appreciate all of the input.  I feel better knowing that I am not alone, and that my feelings are not invalid.      
     
     

[mistoffolees]

This is not legal advice - just a gut opinion.

While it's possible to file for custody by yourself, I don't recommend it. The number of hours it would require you to invest would be great enough that you'd do almost as well getting a second job.

However, it seems to me that you have an easier option. You'd need to file with the court requesting a custody evaluation. While the custody evaluation isn't cheap, it's far less expensive than a court battle. Furthemore, the rules of evidence are a bit looser for the custody evaluation. For example: can you really PROVE that she's using drugs to the satisfaction of a court? Perhaps not. But if you provide your evidence to the custody evaluator, it might be sufficient. Furthermore, if the evaluator asks her whether she's using drugs and she refuses to answer, it will be held against her. It's easier to refuse to answer for the court and get away with it.

[backwardsbike]

Not where I come from, Ocean.  I am a psychatric nurse for the past 25 years and a master's in counseling candidate. Ihave worked in a number of rehabs and mental health facilities.  Patients are never allowed to keep thier phones.  In fact, even in the half way houses they aren't allowed cell phones.

Also, these facilites have very strict schedules.  They usualy have a time for lights out- so no phone calls would be made after that.  Certainly NOT at 2AM.  Most addcits get used to being up all night and so the treatment facilities like to get them on a day time schedule.  Mostplaces you are up by 7AM and in your room by 11PM.

The facility also would not call the family to tell them their family meember was in treatment unless the patient had signed a release giving the faclitiy permission to speak to the family.

From my veiw- she hasn't been in treatment and I doubt that she's been in jail. Is it possible that she was on her good behavior til you got the settle ment doen then just "cut loose" for awhile to party?

[backwardsbike]

Also not legal advice but I do not think your child should be around mom unsupervised until everyone knows that she is capable of caring for him adn that he willnot be in any danger.  ido nothtink it unreasonable for you to seek temporary custody until such a time as an outpatient counsleor and a psychiatrist deems her OK to care fo the child.  She may wellneed some type of intense treatmentin the community when she does come home- assumeing she's been in treatment at all.

Mist's advice is good too.  You will probably end up havng to get an eval.  My concern is what couldhappen in the interiu m if she comes back and wants to go back to the previosu agreed upon schedule.

Please seek the advice of an attorney- even if you have to go thru legal aid.

[Sunshine1]

.

[missmyson]

She came back a week ago saying that unless she agreed to having her medication upped, they would kick her out of the treatment center (because she came home late one night), so she left.  Two days later she stayed out until 3am- telling the GP's that her medication made her fall asleep in a parking lot (uh-huh).  Then she left again Sunday and is gone again.  Her Dad found her in a bar, and was so disgusted by what he saw that he passed out.  He then went to the apartment of the person she had left the house with- and that person had to tell her to leave because of her behavoir.  She was last seen going into the apartment 4 doors down.  

      The GP's are now ready to go with me to court to help me secure custody of my son - temporary or whatever.  The are saying that she will not be welcome back in their house, and that if she tries to leave with the child, they will call the police. They do not wish to continue taking care of my son, so wish to help me in this effort.  We are all very concerned about what she will do when faced with this situation.  

      Should we now go and file an emergency motion for temporary custody?  The office that takes such motions told me that all they could say is those motions are for when there is an immediate threat of death or manifest injury.  I don't know if this is the case.  If we go, what should we say in our Emergency motion?  Do I write that the Granparents- who she left the child with- are present with me at this time and ready to testify that they do not wish to take care of him any longer, and that his mother is missing again, and they are afraid to let her take the child because of her behavior?

        Please help me.  We need to do something- but what?

[Sunshine1]

Ok.  Do not wait another minute.  GO pick him up.  Or before you go pick him up get yourself a good lawyer.  Beg, borrow, sell, steal if you have to get a retainer pulled together..better yet ask her parents for the retainer.

She is doing drugs...she is not going to stop.  Just go get him, and file the papers ASAP.

What state and county are you in. Everyone here is ready to help.  It doesn't matter how mad she gets when you file, things will already be set in motion, and I am sorry to say but with any luck she will use this time to dig a bigger hole.  Yes I did say that, and everyone is thinking it, but a father getting custody of his son is nearly impossible, even with a strung out junkie mother living in friend's house with no real address.  The wrong judge just might think that is ok...and I have seen some that have.

It is up to you to determine if that is ok with you and the welfare of your son?  My guess is probably not.  So now is the time to grow a pair and don't listen to one word that comes out of her mouth...she is lying.  Seh is an addict and they are not to be trusted.

Ask for temporary SOLE CUSTODY, with Supervised visits for the mother pending a 6 month random UA screenings.  You want a GAL appointed and Custody Evaluation done.  You also need to start drafing a parenting plan.

BEFORE all of this...Tomorrow morning you go see a lawyer and when you walk out of his/her office and you go get your son and bring him home.


Any questions?

[missmyson]

Thank-you for your encouragement.  

I can't afford another lawyer.  The one that got me the mediated settlement 5 months ago is threatening to garnish my wages at 25% for the $8500 I owe her.  I can pay the bills fine, but with this threat on my income, I can't afford another lawyer.  I've already spent and borrowed all I could to get the settlement.  I'm tapped out.  

I would love to get my son and bring him home- but I have to go to work every day.  I can take 1 day off, but what about the next?  2 days would seriously jeopardize my earnings as I am a sales-rep for a major soda company.  They "adjust" routes (which means a paycut) all the time.
 
This is why I need the temporary custody- so that I can afford to pay for daycare 3 days a week.  I can't afford this while paying support.  

Do you think I would be able to succeed with an emergency motion for modification of custody (temporary) if I did it on my own (with GP's testimony)?  

I guess I could go under financially for a month while paying her support AND daycare.  (Unless the car breaks down, etc...).  But I will also have to reduce my route at work.  I am afraid that it will all be for nothing as the courts are so biased.  I will end up in a precarious financial position which would make me incapable of stepping up to the plate the next time.  

Do you know of anyone who has been through this and has entered an emergency motion?

[Davy]

THE DEMANDING PRIORITY IS TO PROTECT THE CHILD.

I am not an attorney.  This posting not be construed as legal advice.

Normally these matters originate with a  motion for a EX-PARTE'  Emergency Temporary Custody and Protective Order.  EX-PARTE' means without notice  and contains general statements ie mother whereabouts not known and has not maintained substantive contact with child or family members for a considerable lenght of time.  Mother's behavior is irrational, erratic and otherwise unpredictable.  Attach affidavits from maternal grandparents again containing general statements.

Of course CS will be suspended.  Mother must present herself to the court for evaluation prior to unsupervised access to the child.

Many jurisdictions will have the necessary forms and procedures.

The hearing should be brief and the court may question family members present.  

DO NOT wait until the mother is driving away with the child before calling the police to protect the child.

[mistoffolees]

>DO NOT wait until the mother is driving away with the child
>before calling the police to protect the child.


I agree with everything you said except this - perhaps you're just not wording your thoughts well.

The only time you CAN call the police is after the mother drives away with the child - and even then only if you have a valid court order preventing her from doing so. The police can not act until the law has been broken.

What you CAN do (and which you've already mentioned - which is why I think it's a matter of wording) is use the courts via an ex parte hearing to proactively take action to make it illegal for the mother to drive off with the kids. But even with that order, the police can't act until she attempts to violate the order.

[Giggles]

Everyone is right, file an ExParte order NOW!!!  Take the GP's to court with you if necessary!!  When I did mine, I spoke to the legal assistant there at the court house, hand wrote the motion and filed it that morning.  Within 2 hours I was before a judge who granted my motion!  My Son's father decided he wanted out and took off with our son with out notice, just dissapeared.  You have the ammo necessary...go do it!!!  In the motion ask that CS be suspended until the final court case and use those funds to secure child care...go NOW!!!

[Davy]

For the sake of clarity, what you posted is exactly the point I wanted to drive home.  In a previous post Missmyson indicated the maternal GP's  are SAYING their daughter, the child's mother, will not be welcome back in their house, and that if she tries to leave with the child, they will call the police.  

In brief, in my humble experience, and based on the postings in this entire thread I believe the mother's behavior constitutes an abrupt change and it's the family first exposure to such outrageousness.  Further, there is an aora of co-dependency. Since the mother has always been placed on a pedestal she is now so self-centered that she considers herself above God's laws and man's law.  To her unconscience, the existence of a child substantiated her as a woman and satisfied her insecurities.  Now REALITY has set in and she has no coping skills and passes responsilities of child rearing to her parents.

Missy is able to obtain illicit or pharmcutical drugs (in some states) with the CS $$$ and sex ... whatever she is unpredictable and not in control of her own faculties.  

BTW, the attorney threatening to garnish Missmyson's wages I think (hope) is total BS.  I hope attorneys can not garnish wages.  As a matter of human decency and as an officer of the court the attorney should intervene to correct a mistake.  The basic essence for the existence of the court is to protect children (and family; father left disabled my previous court orders) rather than a revenue source.

The system may continue to eat up and spit out the father no matter what but WILL RESPOND TO SOUND FEMALE VOICES.  I hope the maternal and paternal families colaborate for the well being of the baby until (IF and WHEN) Missy gets her shit together.    

[Davy]

I agree completely.   There is no contest.

It should be as easy as you described.  Due to dual standards it would be advisable to take a station wagon full of nuns with him to court.

The wording of any court order should be strong enough so that the mom can not manipulate the child caretakers or in any way gain possession of the child at this point.  

[mistoffolees]

>
>For the sake of clarity, what you posted is exactly the point
>I wanted to drive home.  In a previous post Missmyson
>indicated the maternal GP's  are SAYING their daughter, the
>child's mother, will not be welcome back in their house, and
>that if she tries to leave with the child, they will call the
>police.  

And they could find themselves in a lot of trouble if they do that without a court order.

Without a court order, the mother is free to take the child whenever and wherever she wants.

[Davy]

It seems you are completely missing the point !

If the father procrastrinates and DOES NOT get the court order

there is no use in calling the police ... the child is endangered at that point thanks to the system.

How can they be in a lot of trouble for calling the police ?

[mistoffolees]

>It seems you are completely missing the point !
>
>If the father procrastrinates and DOES NOT get the court order
>
>
>there is no use in calling the police ... the child is
>endangered at that point thanks to the system.
>
>How can they be in a lot of trouble for calling the police ?

If they try to stop the mother from leaving with the child when there's no court order preventing it, then they can be sued for violating her civil rights. Depending on how forcefully they try to restrain her, they can be charged with criminal restraint. Furthermore, they run the risk of alienating the police - who will then be less eager to come later even if a court order is in place.

WITHOUT A COURT ORDER, the mother can do whatever she wants. If they think the child is in danger, they need to get a court order (ex parte, if necessary). Until then, they don't have the right to stop the mother from taking the child.

[Davy]

My post and others are encouraging the father to obtain a court order to prevent the mother from just waltzing in and removing the child.  Once the order is in place the police can be called to prevent the removal.

Mist ... please stop your semantics ... especially those that are not true.

The mother can not do what ever she wants and one does not need a favorable court order to stop the mother from taking the child.  For example, let's just say the mother appears at the GP's house with or without her drug dealing pimp to take the child.  The mother has had virtually no contact for weeks, has no visible means to financially support the baby and is incoherent from drugs and/or alcohol.  I would not need government (court, CPS, etc) approval to use any reasonable, civilized, non-violent means to prevent the mother (or a father or anybody) from taking my child or your child or any child .............

[mistoffolees]

>
>My post and others are encouraging the father to obtain a
>court order to prevent the mother from just waltzing in and
>removing the child.  Once the order is in place the police can
>be called to prevent the removal.
>
>Mist ... please stop your semantics ... especially those that
>are not true.
>
>The mother can not do what ever she wants and one does not
>need a favorable court order to stop the mother from taking
>the child.  For example, let's just say the mother appears at
>the GP's house with or without her drug dealing pimp to take
>the child.  The mother has had virtually no contact for weeks,


Yes, you can take any situation to the extreme. I didn't think that I needed to say the obvious:

Yes, if the mother shows up with a gang of drug-crazed bikers waving operating chain saws around and shooting automatic weaponry into the air while holding a button for explosives strapped to her chest, then you don't have to let the kid go with her.

But there was nothing in the original post that indicated that level of danger.

>has no visible means to financially support the baby and is
>incoherent from drugs and/or alcohol.  I would not need
>government (court, CPS, etc) approval to use any reasonable,
>civilized, non-violent means to prevent the mother (or a
>father or anybody) from taking my child or your child or any
>child .............

The rules are simple. As the mother (without a court order to the contrary), she is entitled to see the kid(s). Anyone interfering with that could be in trouble. The only exception would be if you could demonstrate IMMINENT and REAL danger. Since the original post didn't do that, my advice still stands.

The fact that you don't know how she supports herself is irrelevant. The fact that you think she hasn't seen the kids is irrelevant.

If she's a danger to the kids, get a court order. Until then, she has the right to see the kids unless there is a clear, imminent, immediate danger.

Furthermore, you run the risk of doing permanent harm. Let's say that you stop her from seeing the kids when there's no imminent danger simply because you don't like the people she associates with. She runs to court for a custody order and the judge sees you as interfering with her ability to see the kids - and gives her sole custody.

Like it or not, it happens. The laws are there for a reason and your best bet in the long run is to obey the law. Again, if there is CLEAR and IMMINENT danger, you don't have to let the kid(s) go. Other than that, play by the rules and go to court for a permanent solution.

[missmyson]

I'v had my son all week, with her parents and my sister providing daycare - for now.  My sister can't do it much longer so I still need to do something about the situation.  He is doing well.  

I guess her parents called DCF as they warned me they were coming over to my house this evening to check on my son.  They wish to gain custody of his sister.  They told me they are not going to be helping me, as that is what they were told by an attorney - to keep everything they do to themselves.  So I can no longer count on their testimony- but they should tell the truth if in court one day.  

I don't know what DCF will do.  The children are not in danger, so Mom may get away with this.  It is clear that Mom is not residing with the children- but I don't know if they will do anything about that.  She is no longer missing as she has let us know that she is staying with her new boyfriend ,who ended up in the hospital today after supposedly being jumped by two guys, then reaching into their car as they drove away, and being dragged down the street - probably a drug deal gone bad.  

There is a group that will help me prepare motions for a low cost.  I just don't know what to do - still.  And I haven't had any time.  Single parenting while working 50 hours a week is time consuming.  I need to decide what to do so that I can plan my work week around it.  I know I need to do something.  I need to get the process started - as this may take a long time.  

I appreciate all of the advice- but the situation has changed again.  So, if anyone could offer any more advice as to some action I should take in the coming week, then I can work on it this weekend and try to do something this week.  Or, perhaps I should wait for DCF to do something?  Will they give me a report anytime soon, or would this just put off the process that much longer?

Thank-you :)

I need to change my User ID - totally inacurate these days :)

[Jade]

"Should we now go and file an emergency motion for temporary custody? The office that takes such motions told me that all they could say is those motions are for when there is an immediate threat of death or manifest injury. I don't know if this is the case. If we go, what should we say in our Emergency motion? Do I write that the Granparents- who she left the child with- are present with me at this time and ready to testify that they do not wish to take care of him any longer, and that his mother is missing again, and they are afraid to let her take the child because of her behavior?"

Uh, yes, you should file for custody.  If I were in your shoes, I would have filed the first time she left.  

If you have joint legal custody, all you have to do is go pick up your child.   I would definitely talk to a lawyer.

[Jade]

>
>>DO NOT wait until the mother is driving away with the child
>>before calling the police to protect the child.
>
>
>I agree with everything you said except this - perhaps you're
>just not wording your thoughts well.
>
>The only time you CAN call the police is after the mother
>drives away with the child - and even then only if you have a
>valid court order preventing her from doing so. The police can
>not act until the law has been broken.
>
>What you CAN do (and which you've already mentioned - which is
>why I think it's a matter of wording) is use the courts via an
>ex parte hearing to proactively take action to make it illegal
>for the mother to drive off with the kids. But even with that
>order, the police can't act until she attempts to violate the
>order.

Then he needs to get a restraining order that doesn't allow the mother to be anywhere near the child and that specifically spells out when and where supervised visits are.  That is something that the police can act on before the mother drives off with the child.

[Jade]

>I'v had my son all week, with her parents and my sister
>providing daycare - for now.  My sister can't do it much
>longer so I still need to do something about the situation.
>He is doing well.  
>
You NEED to file in court.

>I guess her parents called DCF as they warned me they were
>coming over to my house this evening to check on my son.  They
>wish to gain custody of his sister.  They told me they are not
>going to be helping me, as that is what they were told by an
>attorney - to keep everything they do to themselves.  So I can
>no longer count on their testimony- but they should tell the
>truth if in court one day.  
>

You can subpoena them to testify against their will.  If they lie about the mother on the stand, they jeapardize their case.  


>I don't know what DCF will do.  The children are not in
>danger, so Mom may get away with this.  It is clear that Mom
>is not residing with the children- but I don't know if they
>will do anything about that.  She is no longer missing as she
>has let us know that she is staying with her new boyfriend
>(who ended up in the hospital today after supposedly being
>jumped by two guys, then reaching into their car as they drove
>away, and being dragged down the street - probably a drug deal
>gone bad).  
>
>There is a group that will help me prepare motions for a low
>cost.  I just don't know what to do - still.  And I haven't
>had any time.  Single parenting while working 50 hours a week
>is time consuming.  I need to decide what to do so that I can
>plan my work week around it.  I know I need to do something.
>I need to get the process started - as this may take a long
>time.  

That's good that you found someone to help.  But you need to act NOW.  




>
>I appreciate all of the advice- but the situation has changed
>again.  So, if anyone could offer any more advice as to some
>action I should take in the coming week, then I can work on it
>this weekend and try to do something this week.  Or, perhaps I
>should wait for DCF to do something?  Will they give me a
>report anytime soon, or would this just put off the process
>that much longer?
>

You should file NOW.  Simply don't put it off.  Get a lawyer.