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how do you deal with communication with NCP? nerve racking

Started by balleros, Feb 24, 2015, 07:12:15 PM

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 am going nuts here. how do you deal with communication?

my ex spends zero time with son so we don't need to communicate about visitation or picking up and et cetc.

We don't have a parenting agreement and we don't have a custody order.

We separated when i was pregnant and my son has my last name.
I filed for child support and I get child support plus bio dad insurance and mine.

So far, we never needed communication but I went way beyond and above keeping him posted and sending photos and videos.

Now I need communication as we are using an out of network provider for weekly sessions and this will be on going for at least 4 months or perhaps 6 months. We both have PPO plans and I was told by his insurance (he is primary) that I get a 70 % reimbursement and unlimited sessions. Same with my plan but they need the EOB from primary to pick up the balance.

I went ahead and started sessions for my son. I filed claims. I am caught between what the insurance representative tells me and what bio dad tells me.

Insurance: claim was processed, EOB posted, check sent to subscriber electronically.

Bio dad: money never received, insurance keeps the claim open as they need proof of payment and he added I needed to send him all cancelled checks (front and back). Insurance has claims under my son;s lastname and under his last name, blah blah blah. Bottom line he wanted me to send him all cancelled checks even though not even the insurance asked for them as they have bills from provider that says "PAID".

Bottom line: I asked him if his attorney, him or the insurance company needed those checks and he said the insurance.I went ahead and prepared a print out of all 19 checks and i sent them.Some were for the first claim which is sessions in 2014 and some for the new claim.yes, i sent it to the insurance.I added a clear noyte stating that i was writing on my son's behalf, that I was told one thing by the representative but another thing by the subscriber so in order to be safe, i was sending them evidence.

I emailed dad from an account i created ONLY for him to communicate about my son, or our son. I told him what was done and that he needed to follow up.

not even a short message saying "I will".

In the meantime, money keeps coming out of my pocket daily. Insurance sends money back to him.

we are stuck and I dont know how many more sessions I can afford before something starts coming back.

I was lucky to get a PDF file from bio dad with the EOB of first claim so that as sent to my insurance

but in general, how do you deal with communication???


1.  Only in writing.

2.  Work around dad whenever possible -- and I say this because he is not cooperative.

3.  Get the EOB from the doctor -- don't depend on Dad.

4.  Maybe, just maybe, be more aggressive with the insurance company about getting the EOB from them directly too.  Send them a copy of the order that shows the details -- you are CP, you should get EOB. 

5.  Handle the money reimbursement issue when the insurance company sent reimbursement to the insured first with two letters, 30 days apart to dad and then file for it in court. 

6.  Establish a pattern -- first try dad -- and then follow through.....maybe that will jolt cooperation.

7.  Accept that some buttholes (whether they be the mom or dad) are simply buttholes because they enjoy getting under your skin......(and that's putting it politely).  You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink (isn't that the saying? -- and only the courts have a shot at getting an uncooperative parent to $hit and get off the pot).


BTW -- two major insurances handled this stuff differently -- and you'd think you'd get one answer.

Tri-Care (my insurance) sent EOBs straight to Dad because he was custodial.  I got mad because that was my ONLY way to find out my son even went to a doctor.  I can't remember ever receiving a direct reimbursement for anything from them so that was never a subject I had to figure out.

BC/BS of IL (his insurance) sent EOBs straight to me when I became custodial.

BC/BS of AL (step-dad's insurance) sent EOBs to insured.


We use registered mail only. We ignore almost every email PB sends. We only respond if it is absolutely necessary.

Now for you, I would give one direct stern letter regarding this situation with a deadline date or you will file contempt of court in family court. It is free in most places to file and you do not need a lawyer. Fill out paperwork (some states child support office will do this for you). Then go to court date and tell judge the facts and let him say why he won't sign over checks to you.
This is my last attempt to settle this situation out of court. I need copies of xxx (if you do). You owe me xx from the checks your insurance company sent you. If I do not receive payment from you by xx date (10 days is good) then I will be forced to file contempt of court papers against you. The money you are receiving from the insurance company is from MY payments already paid to the doctor's office.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter
You (send this registered mail).

Also, keep trying with the insurance , sometimes you get someone on the phone willing to help you. Did you try setting up an online account with the insurance company to see info online? (depends on insurance carrier). I know my DH insurance will not give anything to bio-mother even with custody. Insurance papers come here for skids and she has to deal with DH the few times issues came up. You can try to send a certified letter like MB said and send your court orders highlighting your custody and anything about health.