Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Oct 02, 2023, 04:45:42 AM

Login with username, password and session length

I hope its Possible

Started by Justabovewater, Jun 18, 2015, 12:28:40 PM

Previous topic - Next topic


I am Finally Taking my Ex back for residential custody. I was wondering if anyone has seen a Father get custody for the same reason as follows.

My Ex and I divorced about 10 years ago. We decided on a 50/50 custody with our 2 children. After a year, she met a guy she wanted to move in with. This would have been fine, but he lived 60 miles away and she wanted to move the kids. Long story short, she decided to marry him and  ended up with residential custody. the Judge stated the only reason she got them was because she was the primary care giver. She has them during the school year and every other weekend during the summer. I get them during the summer and every other weekend in during the school year.  A year later while on my way to pick the kids up for my weekend, I get a text telling me to pick the kids up at a different address. I go by the address and find out that she and the kids moved out. I found out that he had been making threats to the kids of abuse. I put a restraining order on him to keep him away from the kids and Guess what, when we went to court she was there to testify for him so the restraining order would not stick. After loosing the hearing, the same day, she put a restraining order to protect her, not the kids.

During her divorce, I find out that her and the kids are spending the night at another mans house on the weekends. I ask her where is having the kids spend the night in another's mans house before your divorce is even final in the best interest of the kids. As always when I confront her about things, I get no reply. ( I learned along time ago, always text or email, there is proof). To make  a long story short, I received a letter last week stating that she moved in with her boyfriend 20 miles further and the kids will be living there and going to another school in another town.

Ther is much more to the story like she ahs had 5 jobs in the past 3 years, I have taken her to court for not communicating kids activities of which the Judge made us use a online calendar of which she hasn't logged in to since November. My son 11 F's in a row because she doesn't make him do his homework of which I got him lined out on and he barley passed.

About me, I purchased a house three years ago, I am remarried and have been for three years. I live in the same town that I did when we divorced. My job is stable and I am not planning on going anywhere.   

My Question is, Has anyone ever seen residential custody changed because of instability or not having the best interest of the children in mind?  Any information would help.


How old are kids?
You best chance looks like using educational neglect so you can get residential custody during school year. You can use the change in schools and the failing grades as proof. It really is a long shot still to reverse custody. The same judge needs to keep seeing you and get sick of the ex excuses. The older the kids are , their wants will come into play. You can ask for a law guardian to step in for the benefit of the children and their voice in court. Do you have school documentation of the low scores? How is their attendance?


Let me first say the Divorce was 4 years ago, Not 10, Sorry, Typo. The children are 9 and 14. I do have all records showing the Grades, He had as many as 16 F's In one class, 11 of these were in a row. I have Text Messages where I ask her what she is doing about their Grades. I have Emails from their teachers trying to do what I could to get their grades up.  I have printed out the Calendar that we are suppose to be putting all the events on showing that she has not logged in Since November of last year. I have documents showing where I was sent to collections for her not paying bills for Medical attention giving to the kids. They have missed about 7 days during the school year, I don't think that is really enough to much faith in. 


Does the 14 year old want to move in with you? Usually they do not split up the kids but at 14, they would have more of a say in where they want to live. The back and forth courts see all the time. The emails you made to the teachers may be useful. The money issue would be separate in court.


The 14 year old says he really does not care where he lives at this point. Its sad, But I think he is so use to change that he really doesn't care. She now lives in a 4 bedroom house with her boyfriend and his 4 kids. So, 9 of them will be living in a 4 bedroom house. When I asked him where he sleeps, He says wherever he can find, Usually on a couch or something. I live in a 6 bedroom house with My wife and 2 step children. Everyone has their own room.  He knowa that he will no longer be at the same school regardless of where he goes. The 9 year old wants to come live with me and has told her mother this before, Im sure she will deny it though.


Do you have a court date yet?
If not, going to be hard to get this to trial before next school year begins. If you do, push hard for a trial date to be set so children can be signed up for school.
Have you offered her a reverse plan and see what she says. Im sure child support is going to come into this for her so you may want to offer child support with the change of custody during the year in order to get her to sign off. If the kids are living there full time , they each need their own bed is the law in most states (not own room).


I do not have a court date yet, I live in the state of Kansas and must go to mediation first. There is no way to get it done before the school year and Im sure that was her plan. My attorney said that since it is a new school, He has seen the Judge pull them out early on before. There are other issues I was going to try to use in mediation as well. She is suppose to be paying me 200 a month for past bills that were acquired while we were married, she has not paid them in nearly 2 years. The total comes to about 25,000.00. I was going to negotiate that during mediation. I know there is no Madness to the court system and do not put much faith in it at all, But I always hope that the squeaky wheel will get greased so to say.


Let's put something into perspective -- 16 F's in a row don't mean ANYTHING -- but the FINAL F on the report card does.

Honestly -- it's a real real uphill battle to change residential custody or primary residential parent once it goes one way.

I wish you the best for the sake of the children....just be careful of what you think is good evidence and reasons to move vs. what the court will look for.

My EX#3's EX -- barely provided for the children, yet it wasn't enough....real uphill battle for us and it wasn't until they were old enough for the court to respect their wishes that the judge allowed them to move.  (17, 17, and 14 years of age at the time each child moved, and mine was 14 too).


I think every state is different and every court in that state may be a little different.   You do have some very good points - the fact that she lied for ex and then filed a restraining order the same day against him.  Moving again with the children going to yet another school is a strong issue as well.

When I married my husband, his ex took off 80 miles away.  They went to court - she had an attorney, he didn't so she had primary.  It took us three more times in court.  The second they went, husband's lawyer argued that the ex was in danger of losing apartment and child would again go to another school.  Yet, court allowed her to retain primary.  Within two weeks it came to pass, and attorney was able to get it back in quickly.   The fact that child was sleeping on a sofa and in a new school was a big point for the judge and he changed custody based on that.  However, like I stated, before the judge had enough the child had been badly burned and moved a couple of times.  Someone had stated keep getting it before the same judge (provided you have legitimate concerns and you do) - it helps in time.


Thank you all for all your information. I do understand that it is a uphill battle and I agree that every state, every Judge and every case is different. I have searched the internet for help how to win custody and can prove everything that I have read that should award you custody. But in the end, It all depends on what kind of mood the Judge is in and how your attorney presents his case. I have been reading several appeals from my state and it seems once you appeal, the Supreme Court looks at the case from a legal stand point and the best interest of the children. I just cant sit back and do nothing. My Goal is to either get my children back and give them the best home possible, or at least tell them when they are grown that I did everything in my power to do what was best for you.