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Any thoughts?

Started by dipper, Jul 26, 2015, 03:20:48 PM

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We are preparing for court (again) on Tuesday.  The mother is currently in the hospital with pancreatitis and I was just told she will be in until Monday atleast.  Between June and July, this will make 21 days hospitalized.    Little backdrop:  the mother and my stepson broke up last October and were never married.  Child is now 21 months old.  We have an order based on an agreement that was self-made and includes my husband and I as joint custodians as well as parents.   Went to court in April and at last minute, the other side agreed to keeping the 50/50 with some small adjustments.  Judge ordered for this to be drafted, signed and sent in.   Once the other side finally signed and sent it back to us, we did not sign because they had changed a word that was contradictory to our stated time and gave them more time with child than agreed upon.  They were asked to change the one word back and we would sign.
The court is bringing us all back in.  Lawyers have attempted twice to hold conference agreements and both times they have been cancelled due to issues on their side.  We met with our attorney and he said that he and their attorney wanted to get us all together to discuss the need for an agreement as the judge may involve social services due to the accusations against each parent.  They feel DSS or a GAL would not be good.  We do not know what in all they have accused my stepson of as our attorney could not recall.....but, some of the negatives for him are that he does not have a driver's license, does not have a car, works under the table and really long hours, and they are accusing of smoking marijuana which he denies and says he can pass a drug test.   
For her part, she has a chronic illness that causes a lot of sickness, pain, and hospitalizations – cystic fibrosis.  She also has bipolar disorder, severe anxiety, depression, ADD, and pain disorder due to psychological and medical issues. She also has seizures that render her kind of out of it for hours afterwards.  She stays on a lot of pain meds to the point it is fairly obvious that she abuses them.  We found out a couple of months ago that last year she was buying oxy off of others as someone admitted to helping her get rid of them when she was scared DSS was coming to their home.  The first year of the child's life we took care of her.  She would call us as soon as son went to work saying she was tired or sick.  Her family relationships are volatile – they go from pure hatred to pure blessing.  I mean months and even years of not talking to her sister or stepmom.    She lives with her mother, who is a manipulator and has led the fight to try to take child away from us – honestly, every change the mother has asked for came out of the grandmother's mouth first.  She does not work and receives SSI.  They moved into a 3 bedroom house a couple of months ago, but it is within one mile walking of a correctional facility.  They claim to live alone, but we have drove by early morning and the grandmother's boyfriend's truck is always there. 
She posts about beer and mixed drinks a lot on FB.   Nothing of her actually drinking, but lots of beer shirts and tagging her boyfriend asking if they can make these mixed drinks.   As for the boyfriend – he is a drunk.  Beer  - daily and lots of it.  His buddy even posted a pic of him drunk and passed out on a Wednesday afternoon – beer in hand.  He does not have a driver's license, no vehicle, lives with several family members, and has a child 15 months old and is not legally divorced.  He is not allowed to see his own child alone....the soon-to-be-ex  is present during his visitations due to his drinking and his tendency to throw tantrums.   Now, I do not have any 'proof' of him not having a driver's license or his custody papers.  I doubt seriously he will come to the hearing so we will not be able to nab him and put him on the stand. 
Now, I fully understand she cannot help her medical illness or her mental health issues.   However,  this is about the child.  Between being in the hospital, sick when at home, treatments, and her fluctuation in mental stability she is not able to take care of child for lengths of time.  We have pages of her ranting and cursing on FB......posting about having no one.    Then days later she is blessed to have so many people in her life.  Not to mention she stays on pain meds often and that renders her unable to make legal decisions for the child.  Stack on top of that the instability of family support and her poor judgment in dating a man who cannot be alone around his own child and conforming to his drinking lifestyle – I feel we have a pretty good case.
We did resend an agreement on Friday with our signatures (we thought she was getting out that day) to her attorney.  I really do not see her signing them as she has a feeling of superiority over others.   My son asked her today the status – when she thinks she will get out or go to court Tuesday.  She snippily replied that her attorney is handling it and at least she has an attorney, he doesn't. 
Our current order allows my son and us to keep the child if she is ill where she cannot keep the child (but is not hospitalized).  Since she will still be on pain meds and very sore when she gets released, we are asking for a doctor's note that she is able to take care of child. 
After seeing our lawyer last week, I felt very down about the situation.  However, I ran into someone who has the almost identical case – son with same issues and the ex with bipolar and health issues and they have 50/50 in the same county we will be heard in. 
Any thoughts?


Yes ... some thoughts are (from what has been posted) is that the father's shortcomings are correctable and has the support system for that endeavor.  At the same time it appears both mothers on the flip side of this child have more severe and long lasting life long problems that may not be easily combated thus putting this child in a very percarious way.

Hoping and expecting that all goes well for this innocent child.

Thanks for being there and all you do !!   


Thanks Davy!  We learned at 3:00 today that the mother's attorney had received a letter from a doctor that the mother would be in the hospital for some time.  We don't know how long is considered, but she will be presenting it to the judge tomorrow for a continuance.