NCP Mom Wont return child

[Forthelittleones]

Yes ma'am... I will do that tonight.

[olanna]

How does your son feel in all of this? Does he like it at Mom's house?

[Forthelittleones]

It depends on who the child is talking to.  Generally likes it at  mom's until she starts breaking promises, using him as a babysitter and starts lying to him again.

When he talks with the Judge, his GAL, therapist, the maternal GPA's or when mom isnt listening on the conversation, he is concerned about what he is missing at home and wants to be here.  The statement was just made that the adults should make a decision and not involve him in this stuff.  When at mom's he was flunking and when here he is an A student.  

To give you an example of the environment~~~One time they called us and had to leave a message, on our machine, you can hear the child ask Dad to call and hang up the phone.  Mom or whomeer didnt hang up thier phone and you can hear mon screaming profanties about Dad and what a horrible person he is.  Nice, huh?

[olanna]

I asked because at 14, most judges are going to listen to him.  I would agree that in most cases a child should NOT be involved in where they live.  

I know exactly what you mean about your ex and the things she is saying about you.  May I tell you that I went through the same thing, and one day, my 15 year old called me and said he wanted to come back and live with me. I told him I had just got back on my feet from the last court battle, and the only way I would agree to it is if his Dad agreed to it.

His Dad didn't agree but told him he wouldn't stop him.  So, I bought the ticket, my brother drove him to airport and I picked him up out here.  He's been here with me ever since and now almost 19.  It hasn't been easy.

My kid is so screwed up from his home life with his Dad, I wonder if he will ever be OK.  I raised his older brother and sister by myself, and I believe the proof is in the pudding.  They are two fine people...worth knowing and assets to the community in which they live.  But this one...he's my special case.  I just keep telling him I believe in him..and it finally seems to be working.

I wish all the best for your son. Your sitch sounds so much like mine was. I do hope there is a way you can convince him to come back because being around a parent that puts the other parent down simply chips away at a child's self esteem.  And eventually the child comes to really resent that parent.

Today, I am in a sitch I swore I would NEVER be in.  I am with a man that has two young sons and piece of work for an ex.  He used to talk smack about their mom all the time..and I told him, tell me that, not them.  Talk about the good things their mom did, even if it was from years ago. But for all that is sacred, don't talk about her in a bad light. Let her be the one that does that..and let her end up with the resentment. (Not only that, but talking about my wife-in-law is not something I want to spend a lot of time doing...LOL).

So today, he really tries not to put her down in front of the kids.  And our visits are better.  

Best to you.