Shared expenses

[OneMan]

This probably an obvious question, but I don't know the answer. Maybe somebody can help.

Is child support retroactive in principle?

My ex and I equally divide child's expenses--educational, extra curricular, travel, big ticket items, etc. There is no order. It has just evolved that way. In fact, ex believes that having this status quo situation binds me to all future shared expenses, and I realize she has a legally defensible position.

So, if this is the guiding principle, does it apply to the past as well? If ex paid entire pre-school bill many years ago and it was $5000, can she demand that I reimburse her for half ten years later because we have an unspoken 50-50 agreement for the past 5 years? Can she claim I still owe her from the past and she is now going to deduct that from her current share of expenses?

Can she make a defensible claim that since she paid for much of that with a credit card...and she's still paying it off...that I have a legal obligation to pay my part? Or can I say the past is the past and the present is the present so I owe nothing on the old bills.

I think this a strange question but I am interested to know if anyone has insights or knows of any "rules." Thanks.

[ocean]

She can not collect on it in court since there is no order for you to pay.

If you have NO orders ever, she would have to file a child support order and they would go by both your salaries. If you are both near each other, most parents do the 50/50 but it can be 60/40 or 70/30....   Child support court is usually strictly by the numbers. If she has no order, she can no get past expenses. At the first hearing, she can bring bills that she needs help with paying but usually they use her petition date forward.

Now family court is known to do things that make no sense so there is always a possibility that a judge would not use petition date and go back and add arrears for old items. If you are paying the correct amount of child support (look on line for child support calculators) then maybe it is time to get it all in writing. Depending on the age of child, if they are almost done with daycare due to age, another option is to hold off and let this go until child is 12/13 and then daycare is a non-issue. Is there a reason you did not pay daycare when child was younger?

[OneMan]

Thanks for your insight.

I was under the very strong impression that if two people are paying 50/50 for several years without a written order or contract, and then one of the people stops and says "Now I'll pay 10 percent," because I paid much much more in the past, for example, that the other person can take the first one to court and say that although there is no written agreement, that fact that the other person pays 50% is that same as an agreement and it makes the other person liable for 50% in the future, and that the judge will write a 50/50 financial order if it's requested. Also, that whatever was paid in the past is irrelevant because the two exes have been operating half and half. As for the past, I was talking about pre-school, not day care. Actually I did pay over 30000 in private childcare before preschool without any assistance from the ex.

[MixedBag]

In one sense, I think your right to be concerned because you've established a precedent by doing 50/50 without an order.

And you do run the risk of never haven been presented with a bill type of thing.

In my opinion, when things start to get dicey and unfriendly, the next step is to get an order....

What truly happens there, is a crap shot....

99% of the time, the judge will pull out the state's child support calculator and go from there to determine child support to be paid by the non-custodial parent.

And then leave it at that.....tough luck if it's less, and good luck if it's more.

SO.....you can do some research, as there different rules for different states.

About the old bill.....do you two also have some unwritten rule about how long each other has to present a bill to get reimbursed by the other?  I'd be keeping meticulous track of what I paid -- what the other parent paid -- and in many ways, it's a miracle that you're not fighting thus far.

[OneMan]

In one sense, I think your right to be concerned because you've established a precedent by doing 50/50 without an order.

And you do run the risk of never haven been presented with a bill type of thing.

In my opinion, when things start to get dicey and unfriendly, the next step is to get an order....

What truly happens there, is a crap shot....

99% of the time, the judge will pull out the state's child support calculator and go from there to determine child support to be paid by the non-custodial parent.

And then leave it at that.....tough luck if it's less, and good luck if it's more.

SO.....you can do some research, as there different rules for different states.

About the old bill.....do you two also have some unwritten rule about how long each other has to present a bill to get reimbursed by the other?   I'd be keeping meticulous track of what I paid -- what the other parent paid -- and in many ways, it's a miracle that you're not fighting thus far.

Mixed Bag, please understand that the source of my annoyance has to do with not sharing the fifty thousand dollars I paid, with the exception of 5000 she paid for pre-school. Now that educational expenses are through the roof, the other party believes it should be 50-50 and that the money way back then doesn't count here. I consider that  arbitrary, though the court may disagree with my judgment. The only paper trail is cancelled checks.

The other party is in a much better financial position now. I was in a better position then. That's why it's an issue. Of course, lawyers and court only add to the expense.

As for fighting, I stopped doing that years ago. It's not good for my head, but more importantly it's terrible for my child's head. The other party is way too combative, controlling, psychologically abusive, entitled, inflexible, and threat-oriented to have anything but the most minimal contact. Extremely toxic. Truly awful.