Welcome to SPARC Forums. Please login or sign up.

Mar 02, 2024, 09:34:46 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Here we go again....

Started by Kitty C., Jun 23, 2016, 12:10:01 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Kitty C.

Here I thought that when SS graduated and got married, DH and I were done with this kind of crap.  Now my granddaughter is caught in the middle between DS and GD's BM.  I've had concerns about her since practically Day 1.  A couple months after GD was born, BM had to be hospitalized because she thought she might hurt GD.  Just a hospital stay for a week, no follow-up, no other intervention.

It's an incredibly long story, but suffice it to say that on Father's Day, she refused to allow DS to see his daughter.  My brother and SIL are involved and they shouldn't be, as BM is playing DH and I against them because my brother has a grudge against DS for something DS did when he was TWELVE. (Convoluted, huh?)  Needless to say, the BM threw our whole family under the bus Sat. night.  And she's either deleted her FB page or unfriended everyone in connection to DS.  DH is absolutely livid, partly because of all the problems he had with SS's BM in the past and partly because GD's BM lied to him once before and he told her that was her only chance.  He now says he's through with her.

And we're supposed to have her this weekend....she got a no contact order on DS a year ago and a temp. custody order was included for EOW.  And there's a court date next Tuesday because she wants to extend it (even tho she and DS have had NO contact except for a phone conversation regarding GD's ear tube surgery).  DH and I facilitate the exchanges.  I don't know if that's going to happen tomorrow night, but all I can do is pray.  God, how I love that little girl!

MB:  I'm keeping this off my FB page.  :-X
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


no problem.

They will always be our children, so I think the parenting never ends, it just changes.

Former SD is next up here.....I'm livid (but not surprised) that her dad (EX#3) nor her Mom can NOT assist her now in her time of need so that she can land on her feet and in another home as she moves on with her life.  I put the deposit down on a place today -- and might even have to co-sign -- since neither one of her parents are fit financially to do squat.  Somehow I think that's part of being a parent.....to be able to help pick up the pieces when necessary (and to set boundaries to encourage them to grow up and be independent).

And I do it for the step-grands....the kids....they don't deserve this at all.

Same as you...sticking your neck out for the next generation.

Hope your mom is doing better....

Kitty C.

She IS doing better, thank you!

What bothers me the most about this whole thing is that the BM is apparently using that grudge between my brother and DS to her advantage, and driving a deeper wedge between us.  :'(
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


They will use ANYTHING....ya know?

Kitty C.

I know....we just found out this weekend just how far they're willing to go, including fracturing the entire family........

Warning: lengthy....this is mainly a vent.......

This past weekend was DS' weekend to have GD.  We couldn't get in touch with BM...she refused to return our calls.  DH went over Friday afternoon before 5 to get her and BM's car was not at her apt.  I met DH, we exchanged the car seat, and I went over after 5....her car was there.  I knocked on her door at least a dozen times....I could hear her and GD in the apt., but she would not answer.  By now I'm getting REALLY worried about the wellbeing for both of them.

I called DH and we both decided I needed to call police to do a welfare check.  Three cops came.....one went in to talk to her.  I explained to another what had happened last weekend.  The 1st cop came out and told me that the reason she decided to NOT allow us to have GD for even part of Father's Day is because she thought DH and I were drunk when we talked to her that Sat. night.  I laughed, which made the cop look at me funny....I told him he could ask anyone who knows me that I'm lucky if I have one cocktail a MONTH.  It's been many years since I've been drunk. But he said that she doesn't feel comfortable with me taking GD that evening.

The NCO was due to expire on June 22nd.  She filed to have it renewed on June 20th.  I looked on the online court system and it specifically states that until a decision is made to renew or drop, the current order is in effect. So while the cops were there, who shows up but my brother, SIL and nephew.  And I can tell immediately that my brother is PISSED.  When I said it's DS' weekend to have GD, my SIL said that order expired....little do they know that they violated that order.  They said they came because they were taking BM and GD out to dinner.  I know they only came because BM called them to tell them I called the cops.  So I had to leave empty-handed.   :'(

On Sat., my mom calls from the hospital, asking if I had done something for her she had asked me to do and, because of that request and what I had to do (B and SIL took it out of my hands) I had no choice but to tell her everything that was going on.  For being 91 and in the hospital, I could immediately tell she was upset. I heard a tenor in her voice that I haven't heard in years.

Later that day, DS got the notice for the hearing on Tuesday from the court.  BM is asking to have intermediaries changed.  She feels that DH and I are a threat to GD's safety....I won't go into details why here, but apparently it's only become an issue within the past 2 weeks.  We did ALL the exchanges EOW from June of last year until then with no problems whatsoever.  And guess who she wants to have for intermediaries....yup, my brother and SIL.  My brother has never been thru the family court system so he has absolutely NO clue what he's getting into.  My SIL has been thru a divorce, but her ex wanted nothing to do with the kids, so she really doesn't have a clue, either.

So yesterday DH and I went to church.  We sat in the last pew and my B, SIL and nephew were sitting about 4 pews ahead of us, with GD.  They realized quickly that we were there and made sure that GD didn't see us.  If she had, she would have most certainly pitched a holy fit.  She loves us both, but absolutely ADORES her Grandpa and she would have done everything possible to get to him.  Fine...at least we got to see her from afar. During the service, at the time to greet others, my nephew purposely came back to DH and I to shake our hands.  That told me he does not condone what his parents are doing...to do that in front of his parents took guts.  We left immediately after the service...we could have stayed, as they were having a potluck, but we're not about to stoop to their level.

Then we went to see Mom....one of the first comments she made was that she wanted B, SIL and BM in front of her so she could shake them.  That's my mom's way of saying she's pissed.  ;) She also said she'd like to talk to B alone and said 'Do you think he'd listen to his mother?'  I told her I didn't know, but it might make him even more mad at me.  I point blank asked her what did I ever do to him to make him so mad at me and why is he holding a grudge against DS for over 15 years?  Of course, she didn't have an answer.  But we also realized that my brother is trying to block me from any decision-making having to do with Mom.  He has sole medical and legal POA on Mom and may be sole executor on her will.  The last time she had updated it was after my dad passed away, in 1991, so she can't remember.  Before we left, she pointedly told me 'I want you on EVERYTHING', so she will have to make new POA's and I have to check with her atty. to find out the executor status on her will...that may have to be changed, too.  I have a feeling that the POA's and her will are in her safe box at home....but since B and SIL have her purse and keys while she's in the hospital, only they have access to it.

Then tomorrow, DS, DH and I have to defend ourselves in court.........we'll see how that goes.........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......



Breathe...we know how you feel, going to court with PB next week again...same old  but still....

Do not agree with brother doing exchanges as their is a family feud, if PB doesnt want you any longer than find an alternate party or you do it at a public exchange (police station or place with cameras).

File a violation on the RO....is that is family court too?

Kitty C.

Had the hearing this morning......BM gave a long statement about being fearful about her and GD's safety, but when the judge asked her if the current custody arrangement was okay with her, she said yes.  ???

DS made a good point, in that the 'alcohol-related accidents and surgeries' BM is so concerned about happened FOUR MONTHS before the original order was written.  The judge knows that the exchanges were going just fine until 2 weeks ago.  I know I will eventually get into it with B and SIL and I know their biggest complaint will be me calling law enforcement twice.  I will tell them that if the situation would have been reversed and they were just as concerned about BM's and GD's wellbeing because they didn't know what was going on, I would have expected them to do the same.

The judge said he would have a decision either later today or tomorrow.....
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


Hate the waiting but at least it will be today or tomorrow..that is pretty fast in family court world.

Did you guys offer some other arrangements so the judge has some other options? I could see the judge changing it to something else just because BM is not allowing visits and to make the custody arrangement to work out.