In a very bad place - custody, relocation, depression

[anniea]

I came to the US on a spousal visa two years ago. My spouse has not supported me at all. He is emotionally abusive and has demanded that I support myself financially so I have spent $50k in savings doing so. I have no job so really can't afford to live here on my own. My savings will run out soon. We are now divorcing and fighting for custody. I want to return home to Europe. I love my son with all my being, he is my entire world, but at times his behavior is very challenging. I have no family or friends here. I feel completely overwhelmed and at times I wonder if this is all worth it. For my sanity, should I just drop the custody and go home? I feel very confused, conflicted, overwhelmed and hopeless.

Any words of encouragement or advice on overseas relocation would be much appreciated.

[ocean]

Are you allowed to work? If so, then get a job , pretty easy to do around the holidays (now). This will give you some money, away time from the house, and break from child. Is the child school age? Ask child's school if they have any jobs as an aide or in the lunch room that you can do.

Will you be allowed to stay once the divorce is final (using child as a US citizen)?

[anniea]

Thanks for responding Ocean.

Yes I'm allowed to work and have applied for 10 jobs and not even being acknowledged. I had a very good, professional job back home. applied for jobs paying 20 to 25% of what I was earning at home and nothing.

Children are school age - elementary. School district very poor so limited job prospects there.

I should be able to stay in US but I honestly can't afford to nor really want to with no family or friends here.

[Kent]

Where are you from, and which state are you in now?

[ocean]

You may have to accept a low paying job at first but it will give your own money and time to regroup away from child. Poor school districts get  a lot of money aid from the gov't so wont hurt to try the school system. All schools need lunch aides, 1:1 aides, hallway aides, secretaries, and other support staff. If not the schools, then maybe retail, you can work when child is in school and they can't get the teens to work since they are in school.

Court is always very very stressful. Try to hold out until after court to see what they decide. They can decide on custody and if you have more time, you can be granted child support , spousal support, and help with child medical/dental/activities. You may be allowed to stay in the home you are in now until child is 18 so make sure you stay in the home even if you move out of the bedroom. You want to show the courts that you are able to take care of son. When you get the parenting plan, you can also work on days child will be father (possibly every other weekend).

Is the child in special ed? Ask the school and child dr for help with what is going on with behavior. Does child need counseling or medication? If child behavior is severe sometimes there are places that offer respite care when they will watch child for you for the night/weekend to give you a break. Join the schools PTA or SPTA groups to meet other parents.

Good luck!

[Kent]

Another way to build at least somewhat of a support system is to join Parents without Partners. Also if you are near a major city there is likely a local expat organization from your home country.
I am from Europe and was in a very similar situation, I know how difficult it is to have no support system. I joined PWP, the Holland-Atlanta club, and the Dutch-Atlanta chamber of commerce. It's not like having family, but when it's all you have it's invaluable.