family court recomended my son have custody

[Marine mom]

My son has been fighting a second war after returning from Iraq. It has been 2 years and $13,000.00 to an attorney but the exwife still has their son. Family court in Washington state made the recommendation HE have custody and she have limited visitation, but because he owes so much to the Attorney that has said for 2 years "fathers never get custody" he can't afford to get the family court report into the Judge. In Washington even if family court makes the recommendation it has to be approved by a judge so the EX is insisting that it go to trial. He is being held hostage by his Attorney. She has a boyfriend paying her legal bills! I feel his Attorney has never really represented his interests, but was able to keep my son believing he was doing everything he could. He needs suggestions on how to proceed. This is the very first divorce & custody issues our family has had to deal with. Obviously we have NOT done it right or he wouldn't owe the Attorney thousands & still not have custody. He offered shared custody, but family court only wants her to have limited visitation because of a personality disorder she has. Background info: he met her on the internet shortly after he was back from Iraq. He was doing the internet match sites. She wanted to get married ASAP. He knew her a whole 2 months before the "I dos" and family had not met her. They had agreed no babies for a year, but since he left the birth control up to her...surprise, "it must not have worked" she said. But we love our grandson.

[mistoffolees]

You have a couple of choices.

You can continue to fumble around and complain about the system OR you can bite the bullet, pay the money to get it through the court and get the issue resolved. In that case, she's likely to owe your son child support, as well.

If you don't like the attorney, get a new one.

Your son is in a strong position - don't squander it. The longer you fumble around, the less likely he is to get custody in the end. Beg, borrow, or steal to get the money if you have to. But $13 K is a relatively small amount spread out over the 18 years of a kid's childhood.

[John-J-Jay]

what type of personality disorder does the mother have?

who recommended custody the psychologist or the judge?

if the judge made the ruling it should be on court transcripts thus you should be able to finalize this. You can order transcripts from the courts for a small fee.

[Marine mom]

We want to get a new one but have been told until this one is paid off  another Attorney won't touch it. My son says the same thing about the 13K but he was left with bad credit after she walked out. So no place will loan to him.  I agee we are fumbling around & my complaint is not with the system but with the Attorney that told my son he couldn't get custody & dragged this out two years only to be surprised himself when family court recomended it.  Guess I was just wanting to know if holding my son's case hostage by his attorney is doing is legal.

[Marine mom]

Mom is a habitual liar. She couldn't even keep her lies straight in the 2 hour family court interview. The family court psychologist that did the interview made the recomendation in his report. But Washington state allows her to demand a trial if she disagrees with the report. Lawyer says that could run into another $5,000.00 huge for my son & us, no problem for her and her boyfriend, a 65 year old widower she met at a nursing home where she was a caregiver to a family member. She is 25.
I don't understand how young dads are supose to be able to provide for a child & pay huge attorney bills. He is already working so much that he hardly gets to see his boy on his visitation days as he has to sleep sometime.

[John-J-Jay]

what type of personality disorder did the psychologist determine that she had?

Did she take the MMPI-2 test?

[John-J-Jay]

what type of personality disorder did the psychologist determine that she had?

Did she take the MMPI-2 test?

[Marine mom]

The report didn't name the disorder, only that the interviewer feels that the mom shows signs that she may have an underlying personality disorder. Even when shown documentation she "develops a story with no basis in fact" to explain issues that have come before the court. There is no way she would take a test of any kind, she doesn't have problems but my son and his entire family have been diagnosed "bipolar" by her..and she is a CNA so she knows the signs! That is a direct statement made by her to family court. She even told the interviewer that their son, 20 months old at the time, that he shows signs of being bipolar. I just need to know the legality of the attorney demanding payment, we have been paying $250.00 a month for 2 years, before he will go forward with the case or allow another attorney to take the case. I think the attorney is a "mom supporter" and should have told my son months ago to see a different attorney.  He was genuinely shocked when the family court recommendation came out and then quickly made this demand for payment.

[mistoffolees]

>The report didn't name the disorder, only that the
>interviewer feels that the mom shows signs that she may have
>an underlying personality disorder. Even when shown

I can see why she's fighting it. If it's really as you describe it, the interviewer greatly exceeded their bounds. If they have a diagnosis, they should present it. Saying she may have a personality disorder but not providing a diagnosis or supporting evidence is worthless.

I obviously don't know the details, but if there's no more than you've described, I'd say there's a good chance of getting it overturned.

>documentation she "develops a story with no basis in fact" to
>explain issues that have come before the court. There is no
>way she would take a test of any kind, she doesn't have
>problems but my son and his entire family have been diagnosed
>"bipolar" by her..and she is a CNA so she knows the signs!

Irrelevant unless she's a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist. Ignore it.

[John-J-Jay]

an attorney cannot hold you hostage from going to seek another atty. It doesn't matter if you owe the 1st one or not. you can demand your entire file and advise him if he doesn't provide that to you, you will report him to the state bar. Don't let the atty put fear in you. Many attys will make you think that if you switch for one time it will hurt your case. It WON'T if you feel like you need to get a new atty do so, get your file. However it will cost $ to get a new atty

[John-J-Jay]

an attorney cannot hold you hostage from going to seek another atty. It doesn't matter if you owe the 1st one or not. you can demand your entire file and advise him if he doesn't provide that to you, you will report him to the state bar. Don't let the atty put fear in you. Many attys will make you think that if you switch for one time it will hurt your case. It WON'T if you feel like you need to get a new atty do so, get your file. However it will cost $ to get a new atty

[Davy]

Marine mom... your Marine has a huge leg up since what I understand to be a master court has found in his favor.  More over, any new attorney may be far more reasonably priced because you are in a win-win situation and to attorneys it is mostly about winning (second to money).  

The aspect of a costly jury trial is probably a scare tactic.  Based on the info. in your post (not just the personality stuff) the she dog would probably not want to be evaluated by a jury of regular people but would hope for a bias and prejudiced judge that is accustomed to mommy only custody awards.

A change of attorneys normally requires a 'withdrawal motion' and can be pursued by the current attorney or the client or a new attorney.  Apparently your current attorney will not withdraw until be's paid more money (that's common).  Your reason may be for inadequate represntation of the father and THE CHILD or failure to pursue in an expedient manner to completion.  Be caeful (look at state statues to dismis in a civil matter) ... some courts may not allow dissisal until represented or should you not provide a good reason.  For example claiming this attorney sucks probably won't win the day.  

One thing that may be helpful is to learn how to interview an attorney (article section on this site).  The State Bar probably maintains a list of available attorneys (usually hungary; personally I had success with this method - I was in adifferent state).  You may want to consult with Father Rights groups in your area.  There is an organization for Iraq veterans facing divorce/custody issues upon return that may be helpful ... I did a simple google search and some popped up.  Veteran service organizations in your area may be some help in locating an attorney.  

Also, there have been folks from Washington state posting on this site that may be a lot more familiar with policies in Washington than others.
IL/Tx DAV Nam era here ... it's a shame Iraq veterans are facing some of the same issues and we fought back so keep up the fight.

Hope this post is helpful ... Oh...and thanks Marine mom....
 

[escape2paradise]

I am from Washington.  The attorney can not refuse to withdrawal and at the same time refuse to move forward.  Your son can get the attorney removed by firing him and filing the proper motion with the court.  However, a new attorney may be reluctant to take on your son's case given he has not paid his other attorney.  Attorney's need to get paid to.  

Like the others have said, find a way to get the money or your son can represent himself.  More and more people are doing so everyday.  Do not let this recommendation from the evaluator get old or a new one will be ordered and it may or may not go the same way.  Waiting is just increasing the odds against a custodial change.  Status quo is huge in Washington.  

If your son is smart and has the extra time he may want to consider representing himself.  There are some great books on how to do this.  I am reading a few myself.  I do have an atty. but like to get all the info I can on the process.  The "Nolo" series of lawbooks are great.  One I am reading right now is called "Represent Yourself in Court" by Paul Bergman and Sara J Berman-Barrett.  It is not family law specific but gives a great foundation for how the courts operate and tells you where to find more specific info such as your local court rules etc...It also has sample forms etc...

Good luck to your son!

[mistoffolees]

>If your son is smart and has the extra time he may want to
>consider representing himself.  

This is common advice and it certainly works for some. However, the more complicated the case and the more strongly it is contested, the harder this becomes. Personally, I've seen very few cases where I'd be comfortable recommending that someone represent themselves. There are just too many things that can go wrong.

You CAN spend a lot of time reading and learning and researching, but in the end, you're still an amateur facing a professional across the room. If you spend those hours working a second job instead of trying to become a lawyer-lite, it might well be a better use of your time.

This is a decision to think very hard on.

[escape2paradise]

I get that!  If he absolutely can't afford it, as his mom states, there are really only two other options.
1.  Get educated and rep yourself or
2.  Let it go and whine that you couldn't do anything and now your kid is being raised by a crazy person.

Number 2 should not be an option, but I don't know how many times I have heard a NCP whine about how they couldn't afford an attorney so they let situations like this go.  Then the kids are failed by both parents.  Definitely Pro Se is not the first option, but if an attorney can't be afforded it should be the next option.

[mistoffolees]

Absolutely. There are times when there's just no alternative.

However, my comments are directed more at the people who confuse "absolutely can't afford it" with "I'd have to give up a few of my pleasures in order to afford it". I certainly am not suggesting that this is the case here, but the point is that they will have few things in their life more worthy of doing properly and this is one of the last places that one should EVER try to cut corners.

If there's absolutely no alternative, then your advice applies.