How Do You Terminate A Mothers Rights?

[WarFighter28]

     How much is enough before the termination of parental rights will be considered by a judge? How can a toxic parent still be afforded equal rights under the law when they continue to cause physical, emotional, and mental harm to the child? Where do we finally draw the line and say enough, you are done harming this child and we are going to do what we must to protect the child from further harm?

    My daughter was born in 2007, her conception and birth long hid from me. In 2010 I was convieniently served with papers ordering me to comply with a DNA test for establishing Child Support. When I found out that I had a daughter, I was overjoyed and contacted the mother immediatly, she was less than excited about my enthusiasim about the child. I was told that she wanted me to have nothing to do with her and that her new husband would be adopting her. I was finally given the chance to meet my daughter for the first time after I threatened to never pay another dime until she agreed to let me meet her. This was the most amazing feeling that I ever felt, seeing her for the first time. The moment we seen each other, a bond formed that was so powerful that I could not even think straight. I was given the whole your just a friend and she will not know who you really are routine right then and there. I began immediatly looking in to how I could establish my rights and meanwhile she continued to deny me chances to see her again. I noticed right away that her husband was very close to my daughter and absolutely loathed the idea of us growing close. This played a major role in my inability to see my daughter because he would tell her mom no everytime that I would ask to see my daughter. This finally came to an end when they seperated and began the process of divorcing.

    I began seeing my daughter every other weekend and began to build a bond with her. She finally decided to allow me to tell my daughter who I was because she knew that our daughter was catching on. I noticed that my daughters living conditions where less than favorable for the first time ever since I was finally allowed to come to her house. This place was a total pig stye and the children, meaning her other child as well, looked just as filthy. Trash everywhere you would look, old moldy food on surfaces and the floor, even animal excretion in every room. This was around the same time that I would notice our daughters hair was always nasty and matted, her clothes were unwashed, and she never had her dressed accordingly for the weather outside. We would get my daughter for the weekends after a while and learned that even at 7 years old, she was still wearing pull ups because her mother was not potty training her. Every weekend was the same routine, we would pick her up and immediatly give her a bath, change her clothes, she usually had an infection of some sort that we would have to treat because of the constant wearing of diapers, etc. It did not take long before we started noticing my daughter had some very odd and innapropriat behaviors that set of some very alarming red flags. We caught her on numerous ocassions playing with herself, and she had absolutely no control of her bladder it seemed. Soon my daughter confessed to me that her step dad was actively molesting her everytime she was around him. We called the law immediately and her mother knowing that she was in serious trouble, allowed her to come live with us without any court battles.

    It did not take long for her mother to find a new fling and she moved this guy from Texas that she met on Facebook, in with her and the kids. I contested this every chance I got and told her that she was making a big mistake because she barely knows the guy, she did not care to listen. Soon my daughter would come home after being there over the weekends saying that he was abusive and scares her. The guy decided to confront me about not liking him and I gladly told him my concerns, even how I do not like what my daughter has told me about him so far. He decided to act like some sort of alpha and I just laugh it off, telling him that if he messes up it will be his last mistake. These issues continue until just now and once again we are back to my daughter once again getting hurt.

    I noticed my daughter was acting rather odd lately and the last weekend that she was at their house, she came back with a very odd demeanor. She was very depressive all that week and as Friday grew near, she became much worse than she was at the beginning or the week. I finally confront her that Friday morning and asked her if she needed to talk to me, she said that she would rather talk to her school counselor and I encouraged her to do so because I was very concerned by this point. This was the day that I received the most dreaded of all phone calls, her counselor told me that once again my daughter was being molested and that my daughter had disclosed this to her. After conducting a forensic interview with my daughter, the police tell me that her mothers boyfriend was having sex with our now 11 year old daughter while she laid there next to her saying it will be ok and holding her hand. I was both disgusted and beyond angry. How could she do this? How could she allow our daughter to be hurt again?

    Now the police are supposedly investigating, even though we have recieved no word or evidence that either one of them have even been arrested or interrogated about it yet. We have also hired a lawyer and are filing a motion to modify but the lawyer claims it to be rather hard still to push for termination of her rights and that she will likely receive supervised visits. Serriously? How much evidence does a judge need to prove a parent to be too toxic? Where is the line at before my daughter is seriously hurt? I mean do her actions have to result in death or close to it before they decide to finally get rid of her and protect my child? I need thoughts on how this process works and what we can do before she destroys our child worse than what she already has. My daughter is begging me to keep her away from her and is not in the slightest enthusiastic about the idea of ever seeing her again. I need to do whatever it takes to keep her safe but how do I do that when the system is totally against fathers and nobody cares to help terminate her rights? This seems to be the only logical solution to the problem and yet it seems impossible to acheive.

[ocean]

It is almost impossible to terminate a mother's rights in this country. Your lawyer or even better the DA should have filed a restraining order on both mom and boyfriend until the case goes to trial. Call the district attorney and ask for a restraining order for your child and press for charges. Is CPS involved in all in this case?
Also, you lawyer should be asking if/when visits restart that they be at a supervised center or counseling session. Supervised centers are around in each state where a non-family member watches the visit. Sometimes the parent is ordered to pay for this service so she may have to come up with money for the visits.
Another angle is the school. Use them. Have them document everything with the school nurse if child is sent back over to her house. When she comes in dirty, is homework done on mom's days, is she late or absent on mom's days. They are mandated to call CPS if they see any above issues.

DO you have a new court order ever giving you custody? Sounds like your lawyer is doing this now since mom just gave her to you last time. The only time I have seen a mother lose custody is when the same judge keeps seeing major abuse. Document it all. Do you have contact with the other kids fathers? You can talk to them too and have them document and call CPS if their kids come dirty or other abuse.

Good luck!

[WarFighter28]

We did establish a parenting plan the first time but she had it rigged to where I basically only got her for the days that she was in school. So I took her back to court with a modification later and had things changed to where they are at the moment. Every other weekend visitation and some sort of ridiculous summer rotation schedule that she insisted on having in order for her to agree to sign my plan instead of duking it out in court. My new lawyer is very strong and she is the one pushing for supervised visits and pushing a restraining order until we find out if the mother gets charged with anything. She claims that if she does get charged, then we can push for termination of rights but she does say that it will not exactly be a cake walk. She says that we are better off pushing her to sign them away herself after she is in jail. I just found all this information out today at her office while signing all the paperwork that she is filing.

[ocean]

Call the local DA office and ask for the DA in charge of case to talk to. Ask the DA if they can get you the RO for child with the evidence they have. At the same time your  lawyer should be filing for an emergency hearing with RO attached to stop visits until this can be sorted out with the DA. How can you send child in the middle of all this. Is the mother requesting to see child as scheduled? An emergency hearing happens that day without mother in court. The court/judge will see your evidence (police reports) and decide right then if they will give the RO and emergency custody with no visits or supervised visits. Ask your lawyer about doing that way or else you will be waiting a few weeks to get into court. Good luck!

[WarFighter28]

Yes all visitation is stopped by TRO at this moment. I think that we have everything figured out now. Thanks for the replies.