Child Custody

[Steve123]

I have had residential custody of my children for the past 6 1/2 years. When I remarried 5 years ago, my wife moved from out of state in order for me to continue holding residential custody. The children's mother has always had very liberal visitation. Originally she had them in the evening two nights a week plus everyother weekend. Eventually she started taking them every other day as we lived in the same town. She has had 3 different guys live with her during this time and has now moved out of state with a 4th. She is trying to take full custody of the children so they can live with her and her boyfriend of 6 months. She has always had issues following the visitation schedule and has never had to be flexible on her end. She has constantly harassed my new wife, even going so far as to try and state she has abused the children. We we have been told over and over we need to get along for the sake if the children. We tried to sue for contempt of court when she did not return the children at her scheduled time and was leaving them home alone rather than with the babysitter stated in our agreement. At our court hearing we were again told we need to learn to get along with her. She constantly insists we are mean to her, however, we have email after email contradicting this and have stopped talking to her any other way. She allows my 13 year old daughter to date a boy where she lives and has convinced her they cannot be together if she lives with me(which is probably true). What rights to I have to stop her from taking custody and how difficult will it be for her to move these kids out of state?

[Fueledbyjava]

By residential do you mean physical custody? If you have full physical custody of your kids you shouldn't have any problems unless she has proof that you or your new wife are abusive, endangering the children or drug users.

[Steve123]

My understanding is that we have joint legal custody and I have residential, which is similar to physical custody. My wife and I are both Christians and have no issues with drugs or alcohol and there is not abuse within ourhome. I appreciate your information!

[ocean]

You should not have a big problem unless she starts having your daughter say she does not want to live with you or not come home. Once school starts that will be on your side. I would keep her visitation to what it states in the papers until things calm down and you make sure there is nothing in the courts.

[Steve123]

Of course my daughter wants to live near her boyfriend and thinks that changing schools would give her this opportunity. She would be going from a small school where she has always gone to a large city. My son does not want to change schools. This will definitely go to court, but not before school starts next week. She has told them they could start the 2nd semester in their new school.

[ocean]

Courts will not want to split the kids up either so that is on your side. Once school starts and your daughter goes to school and meets new friends and not on a long vacation with mom things should change.

If it goes to court, the kids will get a law guardian and then they will let the courts know what the children want. I would just sit tight and see what she does, call her bluff. Maybe she thought you would let them stay with her. Even if you went to court it would take a lot longer than a semester to get a custody change. Tell your kids that it is between the mother and you and that the courts already decided that they are to live with you. End of discussion unless it comes to court. Watch phone calls and if the mother is trying to persuade them on the phone, limit access for a while.

This happens a lot during long visits with the other parent. They see the fun side of living there and not the day to day stuff. It will pass, hopefully without court. She has the money for a lawyer and a long process?

[Steve123]

She continually text messages the kids on cell phones she purchased them. When we take the cell phones away she convinces them we are trying to keep them from her and my daughter has a fit she cannot talk to boyfriend. Her father recently passed away and left her some cash. This will soon be gone as she took the boyfriend and his children with mine to Disney world prior to asking the kids where they want to live. She then purchased them phones and basically anything they want. We were told by the mediator she should be able to have contact with the kids the last time we had to go meet, however, I am sure this is not what they had in mind. Is it wrong for us to limit her access to the kids during our time? We currently go a week at a time in the summer. When they get in school next week and see their friends it will be better. Right now my daughter thinks her boyfriend is the only friend she has. She has never acted this way before, but has told the boyfriend she will tell the judge whatever she has to to be with him. This is a little alarming. We do not discuss this with the children, however, we have read text messages from their mother wanting to know what we are doing and saying and coaxing them on what to say to us.  

[ocean]

Your daughter is too young. I would take the phone away and she can call her mother every day at a certain time on your land line so you can prove that you are not interfering with phone contact. If the courts ask, she is 12 and talking to boys and there are texts from her mother that are not appropriate.

If you do not talk to the mother, send her an e-mail or certified letter stating the times the kids will call each night and that the phones will be turned off in your house. Not sure this is the best advice but this is what I would do. If you can manage another week until school and see what happens from there. Also, I would start them in counseling if they are not already in. How often will she see them once school starts?

[Fueledbyjava]

That is just typical puppy love stuff with your daugter and her boyfriend, right now the whole world revolves around him and she will do "anything " to be with him. You are her father and you have the responsibility to bring her up right. I agtree that the cell phone should be turned off and that you should call her mom at a certain time every night. There is no need for her to be text messaging her all day and night like one of her buddies she is her mother she should act like it. This should all calm down after school starts, right now she is just bored. stick to the vivitation you are legally bound to and nothing more. Don't alienate but don't capitulate either.