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Exchange question....

Started by I_put_my_girls_first, Dec 12, 2003, 06:56:31 AM

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I have a question regarding who picks SD up, during exchanges.

Little history, SD has been picked/dropped off up by her Gma, BM's mother, 99.9% of the time, at our supervised exchange place, and every where else we've done exchanges. DH has been the one to pick up/drop off SD at all exchanges, 100% of the time.

In the most recent order it says "Father picks/drops off SD up @ specified time," then it says "Mother picks SD up/drops off @ specified time."

DH took his mom to meet SD's daycare provider, a third party. He took her incase he was unable to make it either due to illness, or him in the OR with me, to SD's daycare to pick her up for his timesharing.

BM's mother (who is the only one who communicates with us) called DH's mom saying that DH couldn't have anyone else pick SD up, that he was the only one to pick her up.

Do you really think a judge would hold it against DH that he was in the OR with me, or severly ill, and was unable to go get her, himself?

I would be in the OR for the c-section, since I'm due this month.

Married 2 years to DH- 28 yrs old
SD- 2 1/2 yrs old
BD #1- 1 yr 2 mo. old
BD #2- Expected 12-03


Most custody/divorce decrees/arrangements contain a sentence that both parents " may designate an competent adult to effect transfer", somewhere in the paper.

If his doesnt contain that, then she can probably refuse to transfer the child based on him not being there to pickup.

By the same token, if shes not there,, he can also refuse to return until such time as she is available.


Our attorney told us that as long as the BF informed the BM of his "support group" for such purposes, she could not stop others from picking up the child.  

Why don't you ask Soc.  Also, I think there is an article in the archives on this subject as well.



Who Can 'Pick Up' The Children?


Mom's Mom (Grandma) called Dad's Mom (Grandma too) and said that Dad's Mom can't pick up the child when the order says Mom and Dad have to do it?  And this Grandma has been doing it FOR mom and DAD has allowed it?

Give me a break.

I think Dad should call Grandma and say "If you don't allow me a little flexibility particularly since this will only happen if there is an emergency I need to attend, then I expect to see MOM at the pick up next time."

Legally since you said the order specifically says Mom and Dad, ONLY Mom and Dad should be doing this.  However, common sense and cooperative parents will focus on the exchange and not who is doing it.

Ah yes, there's that thought again "common sense" and "cooperation"!


You KNOW that the words "common sense" and "cooperation" RARELY are used in the same sentence as, or in connection with, the words "children" ... "visitation" ... "parenting time" ... or "former spouse."

Absolutely astounding the levels to which some people will stoop, all the while maintaining how "cooperative" and "flexible" they are in behavior.