Father wants sole custody... mother is bi polar

[SZA]

Hello I'm 20 yrs. old male and I'm in the military.  I had a girlfriend over here that is also in the military as well.  Well she's my ex now but we're having a child and she is not concerned at all about my feelings towards the relationship we once had.  She has cheated on me, has talked to her ex boyfriend telling him she loves him and misses him and sending him naked pictures as well.  I've kept giving her chance after chance but she always seems to either lie to me or hide things behind my back.  She's driving me insane and I can't be with her anymore.  She wants to take the kid away from me and move back to her home state which is 15 hours away from the military base I'm at.  I want to see my kid and raise my child so I want to fight for sole custody.  She is has Bipolar I Disorder and I have a lot of evidence against her to prove she would be an unfit mother.  Her medical records have stated that she has had depression that's been lasting 1 1/2 years now.  She was in a psychiatric hospital in '02 for depression and overdose on tylenol.  She also did self-mutilation (carving on wrists) in '02 as well.  She was hospitalized again in '03 for suicidal ideation and admission of uncontrolled tearfulness x 4 months, and an inability to contract for safety.  She's seeing psychiatrists for her Bipolar disorder.  She also has a pituitary tumor.  She's on a lot of medication as well but she can't take now because she is currently pregnant with our child.  She's also in debt, her credit is aweful and she can't even get a loan for a car payment at a bank.  I also have her ex boyfriend on my side because she has physically abused me as well as her ex boyfriend.  So I got proof of physical abuse in that category. I'm very afraid to try and fight for sole custody though because I'm afraid she'll come after me or do something real stupid with the child.  What I'm looking at is sole custody with supervised visits.  I really don't want to miss raising my child or missing my child's first step or first words.  She's brought me nothing but pain and sorrow.  All she can do is hurt me even more, she looks for ways to make my life miserable.  I still love her with all my heart but it is definitly not going to work between us.

What I need to know is what steps should I take to make this work out to my advantage?

And also....what are my chances of sole custody with supervised visits, or just sole custody?

The child is not born yet but will be in September.  She's still smoking while she's pregnant as well, which shows she really could care less what happens.  I don't want the child to be taken from me.  I got rights as well, and I'm tired of everything she's put me through.  I'll do whatever it takes and I want to raise my child the right way.  The child will be miserable with her.  Her family isn't too stable as well....her dad has been through 3 marriages and has panic disorder.  I think he's going to past away within the next few years.  She's told me her mother has abused her in the past.  Please help me out!  Thanks!

If ther is anything you could think of to help my case...please let me know or ask me any questions.

[Peanutsdad]

First thing is,, its highly unlikely you would be granted custody so long as you are active duty.


http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=+evaluation

One of the first things you'll hear is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is crucial, and these pages will help get you started (some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information):

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

General search on 'documentation':
http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=documentation&Match=1&Realm=All


Also, get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is free, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[SZA]

even the fact that she's cut her wrists and tried commiting suicide twice....was in a pyschiatric hospital...has major depression...has physically abused me and other people...this shows that she could do the same to the child...her smoking during pregnancy shows she doesn't care....
i have no chance because i'm active duty military?...

[Astro]

Unfortunately one of your biggest problems is the fact that you are a male.  The courts are unlikely to "rip" a newborn child out of a mother's arms.  But you MAY just have a chance!!  Documentation is the most important thing that you can have.  You'll have to have all of the records proving the things that you state.  Witnesses will have to be subpoeanaed.  You'll need a lawyer--and a good one at that (oxymoron?? :) ).  

Since you are both in the military I have no idea if there is a difference in litigation for you versus civilian court.  Regardless, prepare yourself for a very long, drawn out battle.  It is not easy.  Remember to try and rise above the "he said, she said" scenario and take the higher road.  At some point when all comes to fruition you will probably have to meet with a family counselor of some type.  Show that you are mature and the most likely to cooperate.  You will have to voice your concerns but try to do it in a way that is not "attacking" her character.  Show how you want only the best for your child and what you can provide.

I wish you all the luck.....

[tharper001]

Remember to document, document, document.  You are still very young and I assume she is too.  The most important thing to remember, is this is about a CHILD.  One that was created by both of you.  I hate to see young people that are faced with the challenge of not even being together for the birth.  

You better prepare now.  I would contact your family as well as hers if you have a relationship with them.  Get a good attorney.  I'll assure you... it's not going to be easy and certainly not cheap.  These people that you see on the Jerry Springer show, etc., is not real life.  Those are complete idiots and every single one of them should have their children removed.

This is all about a child.  About the safety of the child.  About the security of the child.  This child should not be put in the middle by either one of you.  That's why it's very important for you to gather documentation immediately and see an attorney very quickly to begin this long process.  The courts are changing, but very slowly.  And fathers have way more to prove than mothers do.