She's at it again

[hisliltulip]

Ok, DH won custody of SS in January.  Each parent is allowed a 2 week parenting time each summer, alternating who gets to choose first.

BM was to have her choice to him by April 30th.  She finally left a handwritten note, addressed to "Whom It May Concern" in childs folder at daycare yesterday (May 6th).

As it would be VERY easy for DH to tell her, too bad so sad, you're too late, we really struggled with this one.  She is such a BI*CH, and does anything she can to try to get under his skin, and tries to make it a control issue.

After discussing it last night, I convinced him to let her have her two weeks, or she'll continue to try and brainwash SS.  We're already getting enough of the "Mom is scared to be at home by herself, because I'm not there to protect her" crap.  The poor kid is 5!  And she has him convinced that she needs him to protect her...

Anyway, the following is a letter that DH will be sending to her.  Does it sound ok to you guys?

________________________________________________

May 7, 2004

RE: Summer Two Week Parenting Time


Dear BM,

Our custody order on page X, paragraph X, subparagraph X., Reads:  "Every summer, each parent will have a 14-day uninterrupted period with "child".  In odd numbered years, the respondent will have the first choice of a 14-day period and in even-numbered years, the petitioner will have first choice.  The parent with the first choice will select dates for her/his extended 14-day period prior to March 31st of that year and the other parent will note his/her selection prior to April 30th."

The note that you left in "child's" cubby at the daycare on May 6th, stated that you have chosen June 4th, 2004, through June 18th, 2004.  
I realize that the custody order is fairly new, so I am willing to honor your request even though you did not inform me of your choice until a week after the deadline.  However, in the future it would be appreciated if you would follow the rules of the custody order.

I also request that you inform me of the times that you will be picking up and dropping off "child", as you did not specify either in your note.

Sincerely,



DH





cc:   County Court Administrator

[kim97]

"I realize that the custody order is fairly new, so I am willing to honor your request even though you did not inform me of your choice until a week after the deadline."---

Don't make any excuses for her.  I'd leave that out.  Maybe write... "Although you did not inform me of your decision until after April 30th, I will honor your request."

"However, in the future it would be appreciated if you would follow the rules of the custody order."---

I would reword that too.  Don't write it so that it leaves room for a repeat performance.  It almost sounds as though it is still an option not to inform him on time.  Don't say what you would appreciate.  Tell her exactly what you want with no room for interpretation.  This lets her know this IS the last time.  Perhaps something like... "In accordance with the court order, in the future, I expect to have your decision on your chosen 14-day parenting time dates no later than April 30th."  

Also, IMO, I might also include something in there about her informing dh in person, on the phone, or by way of correspondence through the postal service about her decision and not leaving a letter in child's cubby at school.  IMO that is not the proper way to inform dh of her request.  Even though things are occassionally lost in the mail (she could get delivery confirmation if she wants), what if it had fallen out of the folder or something?  Although that would fall back on her if it did, I'd let her know informing dh by other means helps insure that he will get her request.

Hope this helps a bit. :)

kim97 aka NewWife

[skye]

certified return reciept>
>May 7, 2004
>
>RE: Summer Two Week Parenting Time
>
>
>Dear BM,
>
>Our custody order on page X, paragraph X, subparagraph X.,
>Reads:  "Every summer, each parent will have a 14-day
>uninterrupted period with "child".  In odd numbered years, the
>respondent will have the first choice of a 14-day period and
>in even-numbered years, the petitioner will have first choice.
> The parent with the first choice will select dates for
>her/his extended 14-day period prior to March 31st of that
>year and the other parent will note his/her selection prior to
>April 30th."
>
In the note that you left in "child's" cubby at the daycare on
May 6th, stated that you have chosen June 4th, 2004, through
June 18th, 2004. However you failed to inform me of the times
that you will be picking up and dropping off "child."  

In the spirit of working with you I will honor your request,
 If the information on the times are sent to me in writing
within 10 days
 of your recieving this letter.

 In the future failure to notify me by March 31st will be percieved
 as you are forfeiting that time.



>Sincerely,
>
>
>
>DH
>
>
>
>
>
>cc:   County Court Administrator
>

[hisliltulip]

Unfortunetly, I sent the letter out Friday afternoon, so I didn't get your reply in time.

We did tread pretty lightly on the letter, giving her excuses, and saying that he would appreciate it.  But, we somewhat felt we had to.  She tried very, very hard to portray him as the big bad wolf in court, and herself as a "victim".  Even though he received physical custody, the way the final papers were worded from the Judge, you could tell that she bought some of psycho's story.

At this point he treads lightly, showing himself as the nice, composed parent that follows the rules.

Should she due this crap next year, we'll have had SS longer, so shouldn't feel so threatened of custody changing.

Believe me, there were many things we wanted to say in that letter, but there is a specific way to deal with her.

AND, we (sort of) want her to keep screwing up.  It shows who the responsible parent is.

You're right about her talking to DH or sending it via mail.  But she rarely talks to him.  If he sees her around town, she glares and flips him off, and I doubt she knows what a stamp is!  And since she addressed the note "To Whom It May Concern", she obviously doesn't like writing his name. ;-)

Thanks for your input, I'll keep it in mind the next time she pulls something.

[hisliltulip]

Actually, I talked to our attorney about the matter, and he said that if she is late on her notice, she does not forfeit her time.  She just forfeits her choice.  Should it happen again, and the two weeks she chooses doesn't work for DH, then he can tell her which two weeks BM gets.

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it.

[gipsy]

I have been through all this crap . Its all the same , I would leave all the crap out and just say thanks for the notice of your vacation time , I would like it before such and such date because I plan vacations also , And I understand .
    Also remmember that some people will make trouble out of anything , And the bottom line is Be nice, and if all else fails thats what the parenting plan is there for , , Screw all the comments ,don't waste you time. say the child will be ready for your pick up at the designated time , Is there any thing that Child needs to go for the vacation I will be glad to send it if it is within My resources , have a great vacation ,
    As a note I have had great luck with My child in just telling him his mommy is a big girl and she is very strong and she is ok when you are here ,
   I also have had to refute her telling him what a terrible person I am ,
  And that I am bad and do bad things ,
   I said . Look at me Buddy , If mommy said I was blue, do I look blue? " He said " No"  So ,I said If momy say's I am Bad ,does it make me Bad , He say's ' She say's you do bad things , " I said " Well If she said I was Blue would you believe it < He said Your not blue , So I said How do You know I'm Not blue , He said " Because I can see that You are not" Then I said " Have you seen Me do any thing bad ? He said "No " So I said I'm Not blue or bad , And you can see that " he seems to get it when I tell him that , So He does fine with Me .
   I also, under the advise of a good counselor , Had to deal with him saying other things his mom tells him , The counselor said' Just pass it off . And say' , 'I know mommy say's those things and she can think that if she wants to " But I love you and care about you " And then just get on with life ,, He also does better with this , Sicko's tell kids all kinds of crap, don't be part of it , The counselor told me , that Little kids are checking out there reality , And they usually need positive reasurance , I have learned that getting mad in front of him and saying anything like "thats stupid " Or" moms being bad" ; DOESN'T HELP AT ALL  and seems to make him worse , He is more relaxed if I just Say what I told you I say ,