Lost parental rights, looking for advice

[KAT]

I'd be walking away from this guy. Husband or no husband how can you ever trust him with anything again? You don't need this b.s., your future children don't need this. I don't care how cute he is, he's a liar. Trust me, I was once married to one!! Not being able to afford support or being refused (or can't afford it either) visitation, that's what most of us are here for. Lying about it however just shows his moral character.

You should also note that in many states even if your parental rights are terminated this does not stop your child support obligation, past or present. Does it specifically state in the paperwork that support is also terminated? If not, he will be paying until the child is 18 regardless. Support arrears are rarely forgiven. Chances are he's still going to owe at least that much with interest. He can be jailed & they can attach everything he has. Even with your name on it.

It's possible his mother could obtain visitation but then again it depends on the state. Have her see a good family law attorney.

KAT

[Kitty C.]

Every SM here will tell you the emotional and financial toll these issues take on them.  With or without kids of their own.  This guy is a pathological liar and only has HIS interests in mind, certainly not yours, or he would have been up front with you all along.  If you stay, you will go down with him in the quicksand he's slowly sinking in.  

When they lock him up for non-payment of CS, will you be able to pay for all the household needs, PLUS what the legal costs will be for his refusal to take responsibility for his child?  This guy has already proven that you cna't trust him any further then you can throw him.  get out NOW before he ruins you emotionall AND financially....possibly for the rest of your life.  Get out now while it's the easiest on everyone.  It's only going to get MUCH worse in a very short time.  It's very rare that I recommend that someone leave a partner, especially a spouse, but this is a no-brainer to me.........

[Bolivar OH]

Your man belongs with my X.  Wouldn't it be nice if we could keep all the trash in one can?

I made a huge mistake and married trash.  People like this only cause pain.  The poor children are the ones who suffer the most in all this.

[Kitty C.]

'Wouldn't it be nice if we could keep all the trash in one can?'

ABSOLUTELY, Bolivar!!!!!!!!!!!  Especially when landfills and incinerators come to mind, LOL!!!!!!!!!!

[Missyougirl]

I plan to leave very soon. Maybe someone can offer another opinion on something for me. My mil is still trying to get some sort of visitation set up, the bm said they would consider it, only if she swears that my so won't be there during the visits. She is planning on bringing the child around anyway, and she is saying some awful things about the bm. Should I contact the bm and tell her what's going on, or stay out of it? I'm concerned that it will damage the child if she does this. She has already commented that they'd just have to explain that she can't tell anyone that he is around. If he hadn't lied so much and had made an effort, I would think it wouldn't hurt, but I feel like they are just teaching the child to lie, too. I feel really bad for the  bm and her husband now that I know most of the story. They have said some terrible things, and lord knows I have, too. But, I only knew one side of the story then, now I'm beginning to see the whole picture. I realize that a lot of the people here are fighting for their children and God bless you all, but he never put up a fight at all and never attempted to be her father, not he just wants to because he looks bad for what has happened. I also found out that the bm and new "dad" asked for no child support continued, they wanted all ties cut, and that it was also granted, his past obligations still stand, though. I don't understand how I ended up with someone like this, or how I didn't see the real him. And I am very glad that I do not have children with him! Thanks for letting me vent, and I appreciate having a place to go about this, I don't have anyone here that I trust enough.

[Kitty C.]

That's what we're here for and I'm glad you found this place!

As for talking to the BM, I'd leave well enough alone.  Yes, the child very likely will get hurt, but the child's already been hurt and will get hurt more, with or without your involvement.  As in regards to the MIL, tthere's no guarantee that any visitation could be worked out.  Some states have ruled against grandparents in regards to visitation.  And it's all on what can be worked out or negotiated.

You're doing the right thing, tho it may not feel like it right now.  But if the red flags are flying SO thick and fast that you can't see what's right and true, then it's time to bail.  Get out while you can and don't look back.  Many SM's here will tell you about having to bite their tongues and hodl back on what they see going on.  I do it all the time, I see the pain my SS has to deal with, practically on a weekly or daily basis.  I also understand that I have no rights when it comes to him, so all I can do is love him like my own when he's in my home.  The rest is out of my hands.

And remember this:  if the thought of staying for the sake of the child ever crosses your mind (like you could protect the child in some way if you stayed), just forget it.  That's like thinking having a child will 'fix' a marriage, when all it does is make it worse.  If YOU don't take care of YOU, then how can you possibly take care of anyone else, hmmm?  She is THEIR responsibility, not yours, and as much as I know it hurts to see the child hurting (am there, doing that), you have to save yourself first.

[nosonew]

Sounds like the mother will likely find out after a visit with dad anyway, and she will stop all visitation with gma... then gma would have that thrown at her in court if she ever took it that far.  How is she going to explain that to the judge?  Just worry about yourself right now...good luck!