Vacations out of state

[missy]

Need some advice.  My husband is the NCP.  He has the IN parenting Visitation Guidelines.  We are planning a trip to Disney World this summer for 5 days w/ all the kids.  The problem is his ex.  If she finds out ahead of time, she will not allow the kids to go.  She will make a point to be gone so he cant get them.  The guidelines says he has to provide an internary for emergency notification.  
I dont want to pay all the money for this trip just for her to deny them going.  How far in advance do we need to let her know?  I say we get the kids in the van then hand her the paper and go.  Im just not sure about the notice part!  Also, the only reason she doesnt want them to go is she doesnt want them to have fun w/ their dad.  She wants to be the only person who they do fun things w/ so she is the "good" parent.  She takes the kids out of state all the time w/out letting him know. (we find out when the kids come back and tell us)  Every time we plan something that is fun for the kids, she denys him visitation.  any advice??

[joni]

Ain't that always the way?  We have the same problem with having to provide the custodial mother with everything while we have no idea what goes on when she has the child.  Very denigrating and frustrating.

Does your court order say anything specific about this?  Under the CO, do you have to provide the BM with the itinerary?

This is all that I found in Indiana.  You might want to pose your question on the Dear Socrateaser board.  Follow his rules and post what your court order says exactly or he won't answer you.

INDIANA PARENTING TIME GUIDELINES

Where the distance from the non-custodial parent's residence makes it reasonable, the weekday period may be extended to an overnight stay. In such circumstances, the responsibility of feeding the child the next morning, getting the child to school or day care, or returning the child to the residence of the custodial parent, if the child is not in school, shall be on the non-custodial parent.

2. Extended Parenting Time (Child 3 through 4 Years Old)

Up to four (4) non-consecutive weeks during the year beginning at 4:00 P.M. on Sunday until 4:00 P.M. on the following Sunday, the non-custodial parent to give sixty (60) days advance notice of the use of a particular week.

3. Extended Parenting Time (Child 5 and older)

One-half of the summer vacation. The time may be either consecutive or split into two (2) segments. The noncustodial parent shall give notice to the custodial parent of the selection by April 1 of each year. If such notice is not given, the custodial parent shall make the selection.

If a child attends year-round school, the periodic breaks should be divided equally between the parents.

If a child attends summer school, the parent exercising parenting time shall be responsible for the child's transportation to and attendance at school.

During any extended summer period of more than two (2) consecutive weeks with the non-custodial parent, the custodial parent shall have the benefit of the regular parenting time schedule set forth above, unless impracticable because of distance created by out of town vacations.

Similarly, during the summer period when the children are with the custodial parent for more than two (2) consecutive weeks, the non-custodial parent's regular parenting time continues, unless impracticable because of distance created by out of town vacations.

Notice of an employer's restrictions on the vacation time of either parent shall be delivered to the other parent as soon as that information is available. In scheduling parenting time the employer imposed restrictions on either parent's time shall be considered by the parents in arranging their time with their child.

C. PARENTING TIME FOR THE ADOLESCENT AND TEENAGER

1. Regular Parenting Time. Regular parenting time by the noncustodial parent on alternating weekends, during holidays, and for an extended time during the summer months as set forth in the Parenting Time Guidelines (Section II. B.) shall apply to the adolescent and teenager.

[Avaya]

I think that as NCP we think that's the case with CP's.  But I don't necessarily think it's always true.  I thought it was so in our case.  We were going to disney one year and it came up suddenly and the kids would have to miss school for the trip.  I was ready to buy the plane tickets and we needed to know 'today' from BM if SD could go.  And she agreed.  I really did expect her to give us a hard time about it but she did not.  

So sometimes you should just suck it up and give her the benefit of the doubt.  You might be surprised at the outcome.  IF she says no, then tell the kids 'Sorry' and let HER be the bad guy - not because you want her to be, but because she is if she say's no.  And DON'T break the bank planning this trip at the last minute if she says no now and changes her mind.  Plan it for next summer.

[missy]

The thing is, we have 6 weeks of vacation.  And the guidelines state that all we have to do is provide an internary for emergency notification.  I just didnt know how far in advance we had to give it.  The problem is, I have to make the reservations now (the tix are nonrefundable) and if I pay for their 2 tix and they dont go, theres $500 gone.  We already know she will throw a fit, she refused them to go to our wedding which was on his vacation time due to it being 2 hrs away.  He is allowed to take them out of state, but she always tries to be gone so he cant.

[ksmomof2girls]

Do you have a cell phone?  If so, then just tell her it would be easier for her to call you on the cell phone incase of an emergency? Tell her that you don't know what all you will be doing while you have the kids, so you probably won't be home that much during the day or at night.  

I would send the iternary cerft. mail. If its local, send it the day before. Hopefully you will be picking up the kids before she gets the mail.  That way you have proof that she got it.  If you hand it to her, she may just throw it away and then later say, she didn't get it from you.


If you have the kids, then why would she need to get ahold of you?  You are the ones who would need to get a hold of her if something was to happen to one of the kids.

[MixedBag]

In 1998, I wanted to take our son to Germany for a skiing trip.  EX caught wind of it and created a stink because I too have to tell him where to reach our son "at all times via address and phone number".

He actually wrote and said that he had been advised not to let him come when I show up at the door.  My plan was to hand him the itinerary when I picked up our son, but he was well.....I share your concerns.

You know --

What I think I would do is to NOT plan on going on the first day you get the kids.  Then after they are with you, tell her about the trip details.  The kids will be with you, and then that eliminates that problem.

Which 6 weeks do you guys get?  (we have that problem too in two divorces)....

If you're concerned too about which ones....try to get that set now.  If she won't agree to anything, take the last 6 weeks of the summer -- because at that point, she has to allow 6 weeks or else she's in contempt.  

We're going too next summer....and I can't wait!

[gipsy]

read the parenting plan and see what it say's about vacation , If it doesn't say to give her notice before hand then you can't be held in contempt . Personally if this is the case , I would schedule somethig fun then file comtempt on her whn she screws up ! , I did every legal avenue I could , And My psycho was as much of an idiot as yours but she has learned I will take court action every time , So she goes by the parenting plan , My case is over I just come back to this site to be supportive , My atty has famous quote"s
    " If you let her get away with it you teach her that she can"
       AND ; " parenting plans are not self enforcing you have to take her to court and enforce it "
      And ; About contempt ' You won't be likely to get a contempt the first second or third try , Eventually they will hold her in contempt , Thats why If you file it pro se the first couple times and mess up By the time they are ready to hold her in contempt you will have it right ,
   AND " Even if you don;t get a contempt ask for makeup time " Then she has to show up to answere the contempt or pay her atty "
   And He files contempt every time they violate the order ,
   With this theory My psycho doesn't screw up any more .

[Imom]

5.  Emergency Notification.  For emergency notification purposes, whenever a child travels out of the area with either parent, one of the following shall be provided to the other parent: An itinerary of travel dates, destinations, and places where the child or the traveling parent can be reached, or the name and telephone number of an available third person who knows where the child or parent may be located.
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Get your summer time as per IPG's, Make your plans and the day you leave send her a certified letter of one of the above. You see you don't even have to give her an itinerary just a third party's number that can reach you and there is no stipulation as to when the bm needs to get this in the IPG's.

[MixedBag]

Sorry, that's an acronym I don't know.

And what are you quoting?  Paragraph 5 from what?

What did I say that you consider wrong?

[Imom]

Indiana Parenting Guidelines, That is what they state. My post was directed to the original poster. I was letting her know that 1. she does not really have to give the other parent the itenary (although I believe thats the best option), just the name/number of a third party that can reach the child/parent. 2. There is no time frame one parent must sumit this info to the other.