force visitation or not?" My ex-wife has primary custody of our two minor boys. She has done everything possible to keep them from on my visitation days. Hence, I have not seen them in

[OregonStepMom]

[wendl]

Its best to continue to try and get your visitation it will show a pattern of her denials.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[joni]

It's imperative, that if you want to hold your Ex in contempt for not allowing visitations, that you notify her in writing that she was in contempt.  Sounds redundant, I mean, you don't get your kid, you have it on video, but the court will say you didn't notify her in writing.


//www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.htm

[kitten]

>It's imperative, that if you want to hold your Ex in contempt
>for not allowing visitations, that you notify her in writing
>that she was in contempt.  Sounds redundant, I mean, you don't
>get your kid, you have it on video, but the court will say you
>didn't notify her in writing.

Make sure you send it certified.

[Stepmom0418]

Cerified with Return Reciept.

In our case BM tried to say that she never recieved the letters........DH had the return reciept that had her signature on it .........then Bm changed her story and said that she recieved an empty envelope........the judge then asked her if she thought that DH would waste over $100.00 sending empty envelopes and she answered no.

[joni]

another nice trick is FedEx or UPS in a box, requiring a signature.  people will often refuse certified letter and with a return receipt, you will gain evidence of their refusal.  

[MYSONSDAD]

I had over 30 contempts, well documented along with back up documentation. Out of all the contempts, I got one on her. Still don't know how I managed to get that. I can share with you, what I have learned. Optimal did not make a difference in MY case. Your Judge might take it into consideration, mine did not.  It has worked for many others. You might try it, if you are already using it, if not, download the time tracker from Sparc, free. Sparcs time tracker also has capability of using a spreadsheet. Keep things as easy to read and understand, as possible. Judges like simplicity. I also found Yahoo has a calendar, adding notes on a daily calendar, has a date time and stamp. NEAT. And it is free.

I document with Optimal, Sparc time tracker as an option and a hand written journal. Do both, all Judges are different.

On my contempts, I had the Optimal daily log, my hand written journal, gas receipts, witnesses, incident reports from LEA on some, pictures of her vehicle being present. NOTHING WORKED. My ex simply refused to answer the door. My son would tell me later, he could hear me knocking.

My suggestions:

Go into the search engine here at Sparc, find a really well written, business like letter. Modify it to your needs.

Make a monthly calendar with your scheduled days and times. Make a copy of the visitation from your CO.

When you mail from your Post Office, have them weight an empty envelope, then have them weight the envelope, including your calendar, letter and copy of visitation/per your CO. Ask for both receipts on the weight. If this is a local Post Office and they know you, ask if they can make a mental note that these items were placed in the Registered envelope. Get the persons name. Your ex might say the envelope was empty.

If this is a big Post Office, go to one of the areas where they have a table, take a picture of what you are enclosing, in the background, make sure you have their informational signs, showing this picture was taken in the post office and not your home. Request a return signature receipt, also include that the receipt will cover any denials of her refusing or signing this registered letter. Ask that they make 3 attempts to deliver.

ALWAYS make the attempt to see your children. You need to go physically, or it will not be contempt. If this exchange is in a public place, go in, buy something when you first arrive, if she is late or a no show, go back in and buy something else, save those receipts. If the exchange is at her home, bring a witness with you, if she is not there, take a picture of a local bank or business, that posts date, time and temperture on the outside of the building. Go to her home, take another picture of her not being there or have your witness take a picture of you at the door. Then go back and take another picture of the date, time and temperture sign. Every town has one. When you have the pictures developed, ask they do not cut the negatives. Keep them in one long strip.

Another thing I would do, is stay in the area for about an hour and make a second attempt. She might claim car problems or getting off work late. The trick is, think like her and cover your butt. Ask your witness to also document for you. Use the same documenting process, spiral notebook, use a pen, do not skip from page to page, keep dates in paaragraphs, several days on one page. This shows you can not add things later.

In my CO, time alternates according to my work schedule. She has made many denials, when I go back, later in the day, I get my son. She is constantly denying my times. What do you think would happen if I denied paying child support. OFF TO JAIL!

This is all about control. Think like her, what would her next move be? To her this is a game, she knows the courts won't slap her on the wrists. So you need to cover yourself at every turn. When this does finally catch up, she will use a different strategy. Be prepared

If your sons are of school age, get involed with their schooling and activities. Let the school personel get to know you and show you care about their education and other events that are important to them. It will be more of a challenge for her to keep you from their school.

When your contempts are ready to be heard, include make up dates. If you can not present dates specifically, they might pass on your make up time. You can also include financial reimbursments for attempts to see your sons. I would ask the court, mileage, your attorneys fees and filing charges for the contempts. When she is caught having to pay, the end of this game, will soon be a memory.

Wish you all the best. I know how this hurts. Cuts the very soul. What gets me the most is the damages to the child. How can they do this shit to their own kids? Unbelieveable...
 Keep us posted!


 

[MYSONSDAD]

I went repeatedly to the local Police Department. Be prepared, they will not get involved.  They will tell you it is a civil matter. Try to get incident reports anyway.

I have tried to go with Criminal Interference codes. They go thru the States Attorneys Office in my State. Did not get anywhere with this approach.

Check your State on this Interference code. All States are different.

FROM THE FAQ SEARCH,

21. My ex will not agree to visitation, blocks phone contact, and refuses or returns certified mail. Court has failed me. Is there anything more I can do?  
Check the Statutes where the children live for Custodial Interference laws (See TGB's Links for links to the statutes).

Get the children's School and Medical Records, look for evidence of neglect and/or abuse. Alienated children frequently have high absenteeism, behavioral problems, and poor school performance due to the emotional and psychological abuse they suffer.

Read 'Tips for Getting Started'. Hire an attorney near the children, and make sure you REGISTER your out-of-state order (see UCCJA), if applicable, so that it can be enforced by the courts where your children live.

Above all, DOCUMENT! DOCUMENT! DOCUMENT!!!  

"Children learn what they live"

[MYSONSDAD]

Notice Of Intent To Exercise Visitation



If you have been illegally denied visitation or residence time with your children, you might consider using the form below on a regular basis. The form is written notice of your intent to exercise your legal right to visitation or residence time with your children. Copy this or print this out and mail a copy to both the custodial parent and the court clerk (see below).




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Return Receipt Article (number)

To: (your ex's name)
From: (your name)
Date:(today's date)

Re: Notice of intent to exercise visitation.


As per our (divorce decree, custody & visitation orders) I am writing you to notify you that it is my intention to exercise court ordered visitation, as outlined in the court order, (page #, section #, paragraph #), on the following dates and times.

Pick up: (Date, time, place, and person picking child up)
Return: (date, time, place, and person returning child)
Contact information: (Number where she can contact YOU and child during your period of possession).

Should these dates and times present a problem for you, respond via U.S. Mail by (date) with alternate dates and/or times so that I may have sufficient time to adjust my schedule accordingly to the alternate dates and/or times. If I receive no response to the contrary, I will assume these dates and times to be acceptable to you.

I look forward to seeing (child's name).

Thank you, (Sincerely, etc. etc.)

(Your name, address and telephone number)

CC: Court Clerk, Court # (number), (County)
Return Receipt Article #: (number)

Reference: Case # (Divorce case number, found on the front page of the divorce decree or in the custody or visitation orders)


 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The letter sent to the court clerk should have the following changes:


The top "Return Receipt Article" number should be the Return Receipt number for the copy going to the court clerk.


Under "CC:" fill in your ex's name, address, and use the Return Receipt Article number from the Return Receipt of the copy you sent to your ex.
In addition to the copy you send to the court, enclose a simple letter stating that because you have/are encountering problems in obtaining visitation with the child as of (fill in the date problems started) you wish to have the enclosed copy of the letter that you sent to your ex placed in the court file. (Be gracious and polite and thank them for their trouble, make no accusations, just request they place the letter in the court file and give them the Case number in as many places as possible to make it easy for them.)

The trick here is that she must respond by US Mail. If she calls, you tell her that if she wishes to change the dates, to put it down on paper and send it via U.S. Mail so that there is no misunderstanding about dates and times. Failure to do so will be construed as denial of visitation.
If she denies, then you send a letter to the court stating that on (date) at (time and place) your ex refused to produce the child for visitation and did so without notice of a change of dates for visitation and reference the appropriate letter (the one you wrote stating the dates and times and requesting notice of any changes by your ex via US Mail).

It's even better if you take along a few witnesses of call the police for enforcement (which we all know they won't do, but then you'll have a badge number and name and dispatch log record and you can even note the license plate number of the patrol car.) It will then be up to your ex to provide return receipts to prove that she notified you of changes to dates.

After enough of these show up in the court file, it won't look good for her. When you take her back to court, the pile of "refused visitation" letters are going to be tough for her to explain away.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright SPARC 1998. All Rights Reserved.
May be freely copied and used provided the SPARC attribution line is kept intact and the SPARC link is included.
Page Location: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/intent.htm

"Children learn what they live"

[gipsy]

As You have seen many of My posts , They are still On the board , This is exactly how I got My stuff straight , Here's the deal with video taping , Its pretty good insurance that no one will get out of control . And Even My PBFH And Her  Johny BAD ASS Boy friend Behave  , Like a Obedient dog, when the camera is with Me ,And the realllly Cool thing about  Me having the video camera , IS one of My most brilliant Inventions , Be overely nice and cordial . And smile  , Say hello , How Are you today Sir , to the boy friend , And thank you and please , And every nice goddamm Thing you can possibly do , Then , Have a friend Hide with the camera  And do all those really nice things again on the next transfer , And as soon as you say Something really nice then Have you friend step out , right when you say , Jeese I thought youd be happy to see me stick your hand out for a friendship handshake to the dick head Johny bad ass Boy friend and get a copy Of them refusing to be friendly , Now lett me tell ya what happened , (Johnny) , Really is Johnny bad ASSes Name and He was so repulsed that he just started sitting in the car  during the transfer , And for the most part all the grab ass hoopla Has stopped , Maybe My post seems wierd , But guess what It put an end to the bullshit , And they even started to act a little better at the transfer , I feel that I sort of put them through some behavior modification , It sounds funny But My theory was , If I keep coming up with a BIG smile and nice words  with a video camera that they May start to think they look sort of stupid alway's trying to be BAD  ASSES. And such ! And here's what happened with the video taping . Her atty wrote letters saying It has to stop it is an invasion of privacy < BLAH BLAH , And My atty wrote this " MY client will continue to video tape as to keep any claims about what goes on at the transfer under control " ,
     The taping did not get shown at trial , But It was discussed , I basically said it will show that PBFH Makes claims that are not true . And her atty said " What will the tapes show"
   I said " Me picking up My son and leaving "
   My atty felt that My taping  Helped convince the judge that She wasn't really truthfull .
   But Again it will make her Realise that you are serious , And If you don't get the kids file contempt , That is if You have a parenting plan , if not file a parenting plan