what are my rights as a mother

[sickandtired]

To make a long story short.....  I have to send my 2 kids to my ex-husbands house for the summer. We live five states apart.... He just recently moved, and he is unwilling to give me a new home phone number, all I have is a cell number. What are my rights as far as having a contact number at his home. He used to call all the time during the day to chat, and when I told him that wasn't appropriate, considering the kids were at school, he told me to talk to his lawyer directly about any concerns or comments regarding upcoming summer visitation. His lawyer isn't returning my calls, so I have no idea what is going on as far as the drop off times, the location, and he has a 2 week national guard assignment, and he is unwilling to give me the dates of those...So what are my rights as the parent that has joint custody with him, but I have physical custody??? Please someone help me

[joni]

It's a shame that you"HAVE to send YOUR 2 kids" to his house for the summer.  They are HIS children too and HIS children have a right to be with THEIR father.  

I'm hearing a sense of "maternal entitlement" in your writing.  Although you may have some valid concerns they are overridden by your entitlement attitude.  

Now I'm not saying he's perfect either.

What does your court order say in regards to disclosure of information between the parents?  If your Ex is not following that, i.e. not providing his home number per a court order, then he would be in contempt.

Why do you need the dates of his national guard assignment?  Are you obsessed with micromanaging his time with the children?  You can't control what he does with both of yours children or who the children are with when in his care.  Would you appreciate it if you had to provide him with a background of every babysitter you used for his approval?  I don't think so.  Unless your children are in danger, you don't have a gripe.

You might want to consider changing your tune and attitude when you deal with your Ex regarding BOTH OF YOUR children.  No wonder your Ex doesn't  want to hear you.  

If you're interested in being the big person here and taking the higher road, I would send my Ex a letter asking about coordinating the pick up/drop off times only.  Not his national guard stint, or any other irrelevant issues.  You might also want to address wiping the slate clean, apologize for anything you might have done to insult him (hopefully he'll do the same to you in return) and ask to start out fresh for the best sake of both of your children.

[sickandtired]

Let's make one thing clear, I am not obsessed with my ex, or anything about his life...I am concerned about my children's safety.
The reason I am concerned about the national guard time is because he is asking for my parents to watch the kids during that period of time.. I don't think giving my parents notice is too much to ask. I am not micromanaging his time, I am asking for dates that my parents need to be available. I will not change " my tune" when it comes to "my children" just because he fathered them doesn't mean he is a dad to them. He has no interest in thier lives besides his one call a week. No birthday calls, no holiday calls, no other visitation exercised unless I pay for the travel.. So needless to say, they are my children. I am the one who takes care of them on a dailey basis, I am the one they talk to about life issues, and I am the one who keeps my word with them..... Appreciate your feedback, but before you start blaming me for something I am not doing, why don't you ask for more background.

[justwantstobeadad]

Hello, Just a suggestion...when you send them to him for visitation for the summer send the children with their own cell phone. there are many diffrent plans and even some for people with questionable credit. this would solve your concern about talking with them. I would also say that some people dont even have a home based phone anymore do to the inexpensive plans you can now get for cell service... why pay two bills?

Good Luck!

[Ref]

You sound like you feel a sense of entitlement because you are a mom because, 1. your subject line SPECIFICALLY says "as a mother". 2. You call your ex's parenting time "having to send" the kids to his house. 3. You call them "your" children.

Just because he is not around. Just because you have a more active role in their lives DOES NOT entitle you to consider yourself the ONLY parent these kids have. You claim that he doesn't see them much. That stinks, but doesn't take away the fact that he is the dad. You complain about his only calling once a week. Well, depending on the age of the kids, this may make sense. He also gets to spend the entire summer with your children. This doesn't seem like he has disappeared from their lives.

My DH had his daughter taken to another state by BM. She calls him "a visitor, not a parent". She deminishes his relationship with his daughter, probably the same way you do with your ex. When SD was little, she couldn't really carry a conversation for long. She was easily distracted. He called her about once a week. When she was a tween, he talked to her for long periods, almost every other day. When she became a teen again, it went back to once a week because of her busy schedule.

As far as your original question, "what are my rights as a mother". The same rights a father would have, I suppose. The phone issue is silly. Can you contact your kids though his cellphone? Then why do you need a landline? I have plenty of friends and family that chose not to get a home phone and only use their cells.

As far as when he has to go do his national guard time, I would write him saying that if he doesn't give you the time that he will be away by a certain date, he would have to find someone other than your parents to watch the kids.

Honestly, both of your posts were pretty insulting. I would think about your audience before you post again. Many of us are struggling against ex's belittling our relationships.

Good Luck to you and your and your ex's children

Ref

[MixedBag]

when you get ready to put the kids on the plane, you have to fill out luggage tags with HIS address on them because that's where the bags will go if they get lost.

for the new home phone -- once you have an address, some internet information sites will get the number for a price.

[sickandtired]

Thank you for your advise...... I will remember that when I send them

[wendl]

I can relate ot you, I financially and emotionally support my child without the help or very little from his father HOWEVER it is HIS DAD PERIOD.  

Each person deals with being seperated from their children differently and deals with their broken marriage differently. These children are BOTH your children not just yours.

As for no phone, if Dad has a cell phone and a way you can reach him what is the big deal. Many many people no longer have land lines and just use cell phones for financial reasons.

And if your parents don't want to watch the kids on short notice they don't have to, dad will have to find other arrangements, as it is his time with the kids.


PS when posting this of this nature it may be better to post on the moms without custody board,

Most here are fathers fighting to see their kids, most of us believe in equal parenting and parenting time, so when a post like this is done, some get a little hot headed (and for good reasons most of the time)

Best of luck.

[gipsy]

My parenting plan specifies the calling times , But I don't call that much because the mother doesn't give the respect to turn off the cartoons or what ever and This is not a accident , Any one knows  5 Year olds are easily distracted , And he doesn't really talk much ,However I try to give her the clue by telling my son the cartoons are off untill He's done talking to the mom ,
   The second issue is that his parenting time is his time , And He could probably arrange for the kids to be taken care of as he trusts you to do the same , Does he involve himself in baby sitting arrangments ? Or, what would your reaction be to him wanting to arrange the sitting ? Would you say yeah sure " Call Your parent s and arrange for The kids to  be  watched or would you just handle it?
    His parenting time is exactly that " His parenting time "
       Try being  happy the kids go see thier Dad ,. It is a terrible thing that I saw with my step daughter when , Because her Dad wanted absolutely nothing to do with her , And I saw what it does to a little kid When their real Dad doesn't see then AT ALL  !!! , I am certain You don't want your kids to go through what My step daughter Has , I see serious self esteem issues About why her own Dad doesn't want her  . AGAIN !!! iT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SEE !!! TRY COOPERATION !!1

[joni]

strange place to come to ask for advice...don't you think?  Singlemomz will give her the answer she wants to hear.