Question for NCP's

[catherine]

if the CP was worried that you didn't have adequate supervision for the kids while you had them over summer visitation, would you be opposed to providing the CP with the name, address, and phone number of the person who would be looking after them while you were working?  

Facts
Single NCP parent, kids are 8 (ADHD) and 12 yr old boys that fight daily (with parental supervision), with no family near to help over the summer.

[MixedBag]

No simple answer.

First I'd refer you to your order to see if there was a requirement to provide that information.

Second I'd provide IF I knew that the babysitter wasn't going to get harassed by EX.  EX#1 falls into that category.

Third I'd refuse/hesitate IF I knew that the babysitter was going to get bothered/harrassed by the EX.  EX#2 and DH's EX fall into that category.

As a CP, I was refused that information by NCP/EX#1 and got told to stuff it.  None of my business, etc.  I didn't push the issue and focused on the fact that my kids came back fine.

As an NCP, when my EX#2 pulled our son from part-time day care, I wasn't informed.  There's nothing in our order that requires him to do so.  So how am I supposed to complain?  Except that common sense tells you that this information should be shared.....ahh...common sense.

Since all of his thoughts are still filtered through his hatred for me, we can forget common sense.  After 9 years, that still shines right through everything.

[ilovemysd]

>if the CP was worried that you didn't have adequate
>supervision for the kids while you had them over summer
>visitation, would you be opposed to providing the CP with the
>name, address, and phone number of the person who would be
>looking after them while you were working?  
>
>Facts
>Single NCP parent, kids are 8 (ADHD) and 12 yr old boys that
>fight daily (with parental supervision), with no family near
>to help over the summer.

I think I'd have to agree about the qualifying answers... in a perfect world, all info should be shared between both parties...

in the real world, some CPs can be you know whats... ours says that she refuses to allow sc to come for summer visitation (2 weeks, we live three miles apart) unless she is provided verification that NCP is off from work and will be home.  This, according to her, is NCP's visitation with sc, not my (2nd wife) visitation.  

So, if you are the CP, I say, don't stress your head about it... NCP has an equal right to parent, and kids have an equal right to be parented... if the kids fight even with parental supervision, it doesn't sound like it'll make much of a difference unless NCP turns out to be the better parent...

[catherine]

and I appreciate your opinion.  It's much more complicated.

Let me ask you this way - would you send your child to the other parents house if they moved to another state, recently got a job, the other parent left them alone last summer and made your kid lie to you about that, and the other parent was into questionable activities (such as stripping or an escort).  I don't think many parents would be comfortable sending their child into an unsafe environment.

Also, the guidelines in that State, are this: http://www.yorkcounty.gov/socialsrvs/Child_Care_Guidelines.htm

[MixedBag]

Again -- what does your order say about leaving the kids alone?

How do the questionable activities affect the children?
(Is she doing her dance IN FRONT of the children?  Or is she escorting IN FRONT of the children?)

No parent should be comfortable in sending their children to an unsafe environment.  BUT if you want to withhold time, I personally feel that you also need to be ready to prove that it would be harmful to the children to send them.  And you better ask that (file a motion to the court) before or on the day they were supposed to go.

[catherine]

DH is CP.  We have never withheld visitation, but have taken a stand for once in the 4 years we've had them.  NCP has a very hard time holding a job (approaching the $10,000 in arrears mark).  DH has sent the request, asking for the name of the daycare or responsible adult who will be caring for the kids for the 6 weeks.  Last summer they were left alone by her now ex husband, whom she married so he could obtain a green card ....

But anyway, the order does not say anything about care.  It was written as if you are dealing with two good, effective, responsible parents and adults.  You know.... we were ASSUMING that she wouldn't attempt to leave the kids unsupervised for long stretches of time!

DH is fully prepared to take it to court and have a judge court order it, before her visitaiton is to begin.  SImply a name, address, and phone number of the daycare or responsible adult is all he is asking for.  So yes, that most likely will be in the works because NCP freaked out at my DH for requesting it, simply because she wasn't making any plans for the kids.  YSS's counselor is the one who actually helped DH make the decision about requesting that information and her stance is that if we KNOW they are going to be left unsupervised, we can not morally or rightfully send them.  The counselor is an old pro at family court and she feels a judge would have no problem with our motion.

ANyway, without all the details, I was just wondering how a typical NCP would feel if the CP requested the name of the care provider who would be looking after the kids while you worked.  I don't think it's a controlling freak question to ask - if everything is on the up and up, why wouldn't you provide that information?  KWIM?

[MixedBag]

Back to your original question:  "if everything is on the up and up, why wouldn't you provide that information? KWIM?"

And in that case, I go back to my initial response.

Good luck and for DH's sake, I hope the judge agrees with him.

IMHO -- though -- when you post, you're mentioning stuff that would be "irrelevant" in the eyes of the court on a scale of 1-10 when you post and I guess that's a point I was trying to make.

Doesn't matter that she's behind in CS.

Doesn't matter that she married a man JUST so he could obtain a green card.



Just trying to help