Access to school records

[mango]

She is in 5th grade, age 10. She is young for her grade, and often struggles with homework. That is why we feel it is important to have all the resources to assist her.

I just don't get it....

She lives with us 14 days per month so we have her own set of clothes in our home, so there is no packing excuse. He should try to pick her up but the mother is very confrontational, and my husband is not. So he avoids conflict, by not stirring the pot.

He is different then I.

Thanks for responding!

[mango]

Do teachers mind if the step-parent is involved as much or more then the father? I sometimes feel that is my husbands duty, however I am usually the one helping her with assignments and keeping tabs on school more then he does. Not sure how that happened but it did.

I was scolded by the mother for attending the school open house and the ice cream social (by myself). I got a letter from the mother saying my presence at school functions was annoying and she felt it was a tactic on my part to purposly annoy her. "your actions come across as much as an attempt to antagonize as lend a helping hand to Cliff." Her words.

But to be honest, I am uncomfortable as hell at those functions and really do not look forward to them. But I go to get familiar with SD teachers, school, and to know what is expected of her for the year. It has been helpful time and time again to go. My husband opted not to go, as he wanted to be with his daughter instead, and it was our parenting nite. He doesn't like to not be home when she is with us.

So I went instead. I do not feel I owe the mother any explanations as to why i came instead of him, I just do what I do and ignore her nasty letters.

Not sure what is right.

Do you think step-parents have a right to go to school functions and contact the teachers regarding hte childs grades or homework?

[Kitty C.]

Not a teacher, but.........

These functions are open to the public, are they not?  The next time she gets her panties in a wad because you show up, tell her that you're sorry that your presense makes her feel that way, but that isn't your problem.  This is a free country and she cannot dictate where you can anc cannot go, especially in public.

I know that our PBFH always gets pissy when I show up at SS's events, and if it's during the week, I'm the only one there since DH works out of town all week.  But at least she knows better than to try to prevent me, since they're all public events.

When SS was in 2nd grade, I also went to the Teddy Bear Party in his class.  The teacher runs this every year, and the kids send out teddies to someone who sends it to someone else, and so on.  They get them back, along with all the 'stuff' the teddies collected along the way.  It's always posted int he local paper that anyone is welcome to watch them open their boxes and see what kind of things the kids got, so I went for SS.  I stood across from SS's desk away from PBFH and she did an amazing job trying to pretend that I didn't even exist, tho SS still wanted to show ME many things.  THAT was an interesting experience!  

[takingitallin]

and let me say that I did not read all of the responses.

We have the same EXACT problem!  What we do is provide the school with self addressed stamped envelopes and extra stamps.  We have one teacher that will send copies of everything to us.  And we have another teacher who is a Pain in the Ass, who claims she either forgets or feels she doesn;'t need to, or whatever.  Then she says that YSD needs to stay back be/c she is not reading well enough - Excuse me??????    Needless to say, that is a war that will be fought!

Get your principal involved.  Make him aware of the situation as well as the law stating you have a right to this information.  You will find that your teachers (the normal ones) want your child to succeed and will do what is necessary.

[AggieMom]

I think that the first thing you and your husband need to do is sit down with the upcoming teacher and let her/him know what the situation is without being negative towards the other parent, but explain the problems. If you have proof of the problems documented show them that.  Have your husband give the teacher permission to talk with you on any occasion and for you to attend any events related to the SC.

As far as the EX stating that you can not be there, as far as I know public places are free to anyone and if your husband states it is ok that you attend with him or in his place the CP needs to keep her mouth shut.  I think she does it to get under your skin and you allow that to happen.  Walk in there like you own the place and have more right to be there than her.  

I hate to say this, but as a CP stepmom myself ---- we have no rights without dad's permission.  I realize that we care for the kids most of the time because of the dad's schedules and for other reasons (not knocking men at all) but as far as court papers --- we are nothing.  

I hope this helps!

Aggie Mom

[dsm]

The only reason I can think of for a stepparent not to go to a function is if he/she is not really involved in raising the child.  You, from the sounds of it, are deeply involved.  My God - the child is in your home 1/2 of the time, and you are indeed a mother-figure in her life.

So long as your DH backs you up, go ahead and go to the functions, be there to support your SD; get to know the school, teachers, friends.  Let the PBFH blow her stack all she wants.  I laugh at your post saying her letter said that your presence was 'annoying'.  Too bad.  That's HER problem.  Not yours, your SD, or your DH's.  So long as you don't walk up and slap the woman, who cares what she thinks????  Do your thing, and don't worry about her.

When we were NCP to my SD, her teachers welcomed my DH and my involvement - one even said that a child cannot have too much love or support, so the more the merrier.

Just be aware that with as hurtful as your PB seems to be, she will try to sabotage your relationship with the school, and your DH will need to be the one to set things straight with them.  Be super sweet with the school, give them all the help they need to help y'all.

GOOD LUCK!!!!