Summer visitation

[autandwynnie]

DH is to get his kids for Father's Day & 6 weeks this summer.  He gets 6 weeks because he can not exercise EOW because we live in AL, kids are in NC, if he could do EOW, he would get them for 2 weeks in the summer.

We decided that we would go pick them up on Father's Day & start the 6 weeks then.  That way there my kids could see their dad (who also lives in NC for Father's Day).

Problem is BM has decided that she wants to take a 2 week trip to OH right after school lets out, which will then lead to kids being in OH on Father's Day.

We know that she's going to say that he can have them on Father's Day...in OH & then he can have them a week later for 6 weeks when she gets back.  Then she's not "denying" the visit, just making it impossible.  The CO states that he is to pick them up & drop them off at her residence, so wouldn't that mean that she has to have them there in NC on Father's Day for him to exercise his visitation?  If she doesn't have them in NC & she does in fact do what we are sure she's going to (granting the visit in OH), what can he do?

Thanks!

[notnew]

If the CO states he has Father's Day and p/u d/o is at her home, then if the kids aren't in NC - it is contempt and you would have to file accordingly after the fact.

Does your CO say that Dad has to give her the summer schedule by a certain date? Mine I believe is by April or May 15, I have to let BM know what the summer schedule will be. If I don't let her know by then, I still get it, but at the risk of having to work around her plans.

If there is a date she has to know by, then a letter should be sent giving the information. She should not make vacation plans without conferring with DH first or waiting to know what dates he will have the kids.

I would recommend sending a letter to her certified return receipt requested with the information and put the ball in her court. Should she deny, then inform her you are filing contempt against her and take an alternate 6 weeks.

When you decided on your plans, that is when you should have let her know. This is waiting until literally the last minute. All parties involved need to plan and communicate better.

Yes, it is dad's time to have the kids and he has every right to schedule his parenting time as he wants. BUT, on the other hand, how would you feel if you could not plan a vacation for 10 or 15 years because you were at the mercy of when the kids father would take the kids during the summers? There are two sides to this coin and communication is the key to resolving conflicts before they happen.

JMHO

[autandwynnie]

I agree with you 100% with there being 2 sides & communication is necessary.  Naturally, DH & BM don't see it that way. Thankfully, my ex & I communicate well...most of the time. ;-)

There are no time tables in the CO.  The reason that he's had to wait this long to plan is he's in the military, currently in training & had no idea what the schedule was going to be for the summer, up until last week.  I still won't know for a couple of weeks if my ex is taking my girls because the indecisivness of the military.  Such is the life we've chosen.

Thanks so much for your feedback.  I will pass it on to DH.

[MixedBag]

I would pick up the kids for Father's Day in OH and start the 6 weeks.

And then return them to NC when the 6 weeks are over.

AL vs. OH -- a bit longer drive....as opposed to AL vs. NC.

The kids would get Father's Day with DAD, and get their 6 weeks this summer.

[mistoffolees]

There really ought to be a sticky on this. About every couple of days someone asks a question and goes to the trouble to post all their details and everyone's spending time figuring out all the details, when it really isn't relevant. In all these cases, the rules are the same:

1. The best thing is if the two of you can reach an agreement that you're BOTH happy with. Be sure to have it in writing.

2.  If you can't reach an agreement that you're both happy with, you can demand that they follow the CO TO THE LETTER. If you don't like the CO, you still have to abide by it - unless you think it's worth going back to court. If the other person won't follow the agreement to the letter, make sure you have evidence and then you can file for contempt (but you would only consider doing that if it's a material breach, not if they're 30 seconds late, for example)l.

3.  If there is something that's unclear in the CO, then you go back to #1.

4.  If there is something that's unclear and you can't agree, then the CP is going to control it and there's little that the NCP can do except go back to court for clarification.

5.  If your situation has changed to the point where you think the original CO is not useful (one party has moved, someone has become disabled, whatever), then you go back to court for a modification. Again, if you can reach an agreement on the modification, that's best (you still want the court to approve it), but if you can't, the judge will do it for you. Just don't be suprised if you don't get what you want - modifications of COs often give unpredictable results.

Those 5 rules are really all that you need to know about visitation issues. The details of your particular situation really don't matter (except perhaps in a very few, isolated cases).