Going against the court Order

[janM]

...to travel by air. It does not say she HAS to, although I think the judge was strongly recommending it.

I agree with another poster, she may think twice about a long car ride with a 2 year old next time. Plus, if she splits it into 2 days, that's 4 days out of 7 she's spent driving.

And, she did give you notice of visitation, she just chose another mode of transportation.

I'm not a lawyer but I don't see a contempt here.

[notnew]

Listen - you have won such a HUGE battle here by getting custody in and of itself. I know you kept your mouth shut and let a lot of things slide and I also think you should let this slide. It is not a huge issue and the court could look at it as petty and it COULD be the first in a tally of court actions that result in custody getting transferred. Tread carefully here. Pick your battles carefully and wisely. The child deserves the love and affection and TIME from BOTH of his parents. Don't stand in the way of that. You have to recognize that you cannot make her be the type of parent you want her to be. This is not a situation where you are selecting a caretaker for your child and you can say what does and doesnt' happen when the kid is with that caretaker. The child is with the mother and she is acting in the same capacity as you do at that time. Not an easy thing to accept I know, but one that you must come to terms with. Don't make this about control because the battles will only escalate and then your child's life will be impacted no matter how well you think you are shielding him from things.

Also, you probably already know that the courts give a LOT of leeway to women and their excuses/reasonings for their actions. Too many women are too good at maniuplating a "weaker sex" mind set and allow them to get away with WAY too much while holding a man's feet to the fire for even the perception of behaviour that is anything less then perfect. Hell, even perfect isn't enough sometimes. I am NOT saying that it is only women who pull these stunts, there are cases of a man committing PAS and playing these games but, the fact of the matter is that statistically, more women are playing games and the courts give in to women more then men. I don't want to get into the "perceived" bias in the courts discussion with anyone.

It's her choice to waste at least two of her 7 days in driving and losing a chance to have some quality time with her child. That's her loss and of course, the child's loss as well, but he doesn't know it right now. Hopefully, she will get her head on straight later on.

BTW - If you had exchanged this information via certified letters instead of on the phone, you would have solid proof of the conversation. At this point, she could say she never had that conversation and you have nothing to prove otherwise.

All communications of this type can be conducted via telephone, but should be followed up for the record via certified return receipt requested mail.

BTW - are you keeping her informed of day to day things for the child like pediatrician name, visits, results, etc? If not ,  you should.

I'm sorry to sound like I"m telling you to not whine since you've got custody (and men don't get custody very often so you are LUCKY), but I'm telling  you not to whine about things that aren't really a big issue. Hopefully, you won't ever have a serious issue that needs to be addressed in court, but if you do, it will make you look a lot more credible if you haven't been in the court picking at each other over every little thing.

JMHO  - not legal advice.

[gerogiadad]

Just an update. I chose to allow this to go ahead.  Thanks for everyone's replies.  There is much more about the reasoning behind the Flights and it was added by my lawyer and I to protect our child.  Details aren't needed, just know it is there for a reason.I have gone above and beyond to be "the petter person" at least, that is how I see it.  There are always 2 sides.  Most of the time I just let her get away with it because, I can't imagine having to be that far away.  but She move to get a leg up, but this time she missed the rung and fell on the mercy of the courts.  This "Order" is not Judge mandated it is an agreement transcribed into the record then signed as a final Order.  So, mom agreed to this no one forced her.  She almost didn't get the Week at her residence due to the nature of the evidence, but was allowed 7 days when another stipulation was added.

Either way, again I turn the other cheek.  Thanks everyone that read and replied.

[gerogiadad]

It says she is permitted to take the child to her home.  


::Edit:: that is the bane of the courts, it is all open to interpretation.

[Giggles]

HOWEVER, what I think you should do, is if she pulls this again...then I would have the CS revised because she's getting a "break" and not using it....something to run by your lawyer at least!

[MixedBag]

she's still got expenses driving even if she isn't flying -- gas, food, hotel come to mind.  And no, it's not always cheaper to drive than fly.

I used to get a transportation "break" too in D#3, but didn't have such restrictive language.  So HOW I used that money, was up to me.

[MixedBag]

for everyone concerned.

Here's to a safe journey for your child!

[IndigoMama]

You may want to file for clarification on this issue to be sure in the future.

[Quyrah_1]

IMHO, pick your battles.  As long as you get to see your child that is what counts most.  I would let it go this time but tell her next time this will be unacceptable and she needs to follow the court orders.  My husband x won't even send his child out to visit.  She is old enough to fly alone but mother refuses to put his child on the plane unless we pay for it all.  Although it states in his divorce papers that all transportation is split in the costs.  One is to drop off and the other pick up.  So he hasn't seen his child in 2 years and that is because I used my student loan money to get his child out here to visit "dad." My husband is unable to work but he still pays his CS and he get's nothing in return.  

So be glad you get to see your child. Take advantage of the time you spend with her.

Have a good visit and I wish you the best