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Interstate Visitation Questions

Started by gabes_mom, Sep 24, 2007, 09:05:25 AM

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Kitty C.

But would a judge think it would be okay for 2 children that young to move TWICE in so short a time with so much distance involved?  That's what I really question and why the BM thinks it has to be done this way.  

Personally, I would put the concerns up first and if the judge seems to think that it's okay for 2 young kids to move that far that often, THEN offer the proposed visitation schedule.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


>But would a judge think it would be okay for 2 children that
>young to move TWICE in so short a time with so much distance
>involved?  That's what I really question and why the BM thinks
>it has to be done this way.  
>Personally, I would put the concerns up first and if the judge
>seems to think that it's okay for 2 young kids to move that
>far that often, THEN offer the proposed visitation schedule.

I don't see how the judge can prevent it.

The kids have moved once and are now at some distance from their father. The mother wants to move again. The judge has several options:

1. Allow the kids to move with their mother. Kids would stay with their current CP but would have to move.
2. Change custody and have the kids live with their father (but they would STILL have to make a second move).
3. Allow mother to move but make the kids stay in current location. Obviously not going to happen.
4. Force mother to stay in state. Again, not going to happen.
5. Allow mother to move, let kids stay, force father to move to town with the kids. Again, not going to happen.

There is no plausible scenario where the kids don't have two moves in a relatively short time.

If the father can make a reasonable case that the mother will simply continue to move at short intervals, I guess it's possible to get #2, but I certainly wouldn't be on it. But even if he did get that, the kids are going to have a second move, so I wouldn't make 'two moves in a short time' the issue. Instead, I would try to make the case that the mother is unstable and has demonstrated a lack of stability for the kids. IMHO, it's unlikely that he'd win that argument, but it has a far better chance than 'two moves are bad for the kids' for the reasons given above.


The BM is custodial

at this point the asking the children to spend MOST of their Thanksgiving and Spring breaks (since they are only 4 days long) traveling isn't fair to the kids. If they lived closer the 24 hrs one way from here we would definitely want that time but since they do not it's just not fair to them.


" BTW, does she have a legitimate reason for that? Why not move directly to TX and save the kids the havoc of changing schools and making friends twice? "

I don't know what you'd consider legitamate.

The kids mom is a SAHM (don't get me started!) and I believe that she is taking the kids to her in laws house to stay with them for the 4 months that her husband is in training. She may not be allowed on the base (he got a job with the Border Patrol) until his training is complete.

We will be taking her to court either way because we want any modification made to be changed in the Visitation agreement that way it is court order not just an agreement


After speaking with my DH he requested that I email the BM and recommend to her this:

BM keeps kids every Thanksgiving and Easter/Spring Break since the vacations are 4-5 days long and most of the kids time would be spent traveling. Even if we were rich (which we are NOT) this wouldn't be fair to the kids.

Christmas Break Odd # years the BM will have the kids from the first day of vacation to the last day of vacation. Even # years DH gets the kids for the full holiday as well. The reason we started off with her having the kids this year is that they will be in Wisconsin there very likely will be weather delays.  In the BM's eyes that will be reason enough to interfere with our visitation times so in order to prevent a hassle we are just making it easier on us and the kids.

Summer Vacation we have the kids for 5 wks just like normal. Yes 5 wks is indeed half of their summer vacation.

Transportation Costs:

The BM to pay 75% of the airfare and DH pay 25% of airfare OR BM travel 75% of the miles where DH travels 25%.

We knew that it would not be realistic to request that she pay 100% of transportation. We know (from experience) that Judges won't go for that, at least not down here.

I emailed BM yesterday afternoon and this morning she agreed that our requests were fair and asked if this were to take effect this year. Of course she was told yes. I am floored that it was that easy, hate to admit now we are waiting for the other shoe to drop if ya KWIM?

Our next step will be to file a motion for modification of visitation and transportation costs and make this court ordered instead of just an agreement. This way we'll be covering our rear end.

Also for those of you who are curious why we didn't try the other route by trying to get the kids custody changed to DH....He is an OTR (over the road) truck driver. It's not realistic for us to assume that the judge would allow such a change of residence when that would put them relying mainly on me to raise them and only seeing their father a few days a month anyway. I am a full time working mom. Their mother is a stay at home mom. It's not likely a judge would see that as a good change regardless of all the state hopping the BM is doing.

Thank you all very much for all the responses it has all be sound advice and I will let you know how the court proceedings go.



Every other year, Dad gets the kids 5 weeks.

And every year, dad gets Christmas Vacation and 5 weeks.



The cost of visitation is considered in the CS calculation (it deducts the % income amount of the visitation from his monthly pay).

His schedule went something like, every other school break and all summer but the first week and the last two weeks.

Ha also had it written that he may have SD any weekend in her location so long as he gives BM 2 weeks notice.

He didn't take long weekends as much as he could, but SD wasn't going to fly from FL to PA for such a short time.  We did go down to see her in her town fo rsome of those weekends.  The clause about him being able to spend the weekend at anypoint  helped make-up for the time he couldn't have for the 3 day weekends.

SD's school is also good in that they attach thanksgiving and the fall break. DH can see her for a longer fall break every year.

Best wishes


Fly on a Wed evening to Dad's and then back on Sunday afternoon?

Same thing for Easter/Spring break.

And what happens when the school calendar CHANGES??

See that happened to me.

Thanksgiving was 4 days....spring break was short too.

BUT over time each of those holidays morphed into a week long (M-F) off school and then you can hook on the weekends before and after.

If dad gives them up now -- he'll have a different set of standards to meet to get them back.

Think FLYING -- not driving...


you have a great deal of opportunity for time throughout the school year then as well.  Think of the 3-day weekends, teacher conference weeks, etc.

Flying makes it completely possible for Thanksgiving, Spring Break, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc to work into the equation.

Good luck!


dsm - 36; DH - 40; SD - 18; LO - 11; BB - 4
It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is


That's correct.

Odd years he'll see the kids 5 wks

Even years he'll see the kids 5 wks plus the 2 wks Christmas Vacation.

May not seem like a lot of time to most of you but with the cards we were dealt we did the best we could.

Like I said DH is an OTR truck driver he does the best he can and unfortunately we have no money to take her to court only to fight a losing battle because yes a change of residential custody at this point would have indeed been a losing battle.

Once again thank you all for your comments.