It's over.... (LONG vent)

[DMcD]

DH and I went to court this afternoon. Nothing really good or bad came of it. Nothing gained, nothing lost. The issue is, at some point, PBFH's atty talked to my skids. I have no idea when or how, but he did. In PBFH's declaration, the kids claimed that I used them as baby-sitters, house keepers and that DH was verbally abusive and rarely home. They said that OSS ran away to get away from DH (not because OSS was busted smoking pot) and that SD checked herself into the hospital to get away from the house. DH took SD to the hospital. She didn't ask for the appointment, we were worried about her, for God's sake!

I neither know nor care what influence PBFH had on these statements. If they made those statements on their own, that's bad enough. If they were coached, I think that's even worse. What else can she coach them to say? "Daddy hit me. Daddy shoved me. Daddy touched me." I don't even want to think about what might happen. OSS went to Marine World with the church youth group on Saturday. He had a blast. He was grinning from ear to ear when I picked him up. But when I asked him if he still wanted to live with BM, he thought for a second and said yes.

I have three kids of my own to think about. When OSS is walking around in $100 Nike's and my kids have grown out of their shoes and I can't afford to get them new ones, that's a problem. We almost lost our house and our electric is going to get shut off any day now unless I can find a social service organization that has funding available. PBFH, on the other hand, managed to retain an atty from Beverly F*CKIN' Hills and fly his fat ass up here. We still owe our atty $2500 from last summer! PBFH claimed she brought home $1380 per month. She pays DH $325 in child support. Her mortgage payment is $760 a month. How the F*CK can she afford all of her bills, the atty AND the amount of food it would take to keep her fat ass that fat!?!?! She's a liar, her atty is a liar, and my skids are all liars.

DH and I have decided that we cannot continue to put our children in danger to continue trying to save kids who aren't willing to be helped. CPS has been to our house twice since February, we have had to spend over $100 to get OSS back from PBFH's last month and now we are looking at another huge court fight. I can't do this again and neither can DH. He's going to call up Mr. Big Shot Beverly Hills Lawyer and tell him that he needs to draft a stipulation that reverses the "mother" to "father" and the "father" to "mother" in the parenting plan. One thing DH is going to do is allow PBFH to put the kids in the private school. Yes, they are going to fail and they aren't going to graduate with an accredited diploma, but they aren't trying to get any better here, so they are going to fail here. What's the use of having SD and OSS go to school for four years, just to end up high school drop-outs? At least they will "graduate" if they go to the stupid private school. They'll give anyone a diploma if they get paid enough.

Another thing is that DH is going to have them lift the corporal punishment provision in the court orders. They can beat the living hell out of those kids. I think they need some good old fashioned ass whuping. OSS is going to be pissed. He manipulated DH into filing for custody so that he didn't have to go to that school since they were so strict and kept their thumb on him. He wanted a regular old public school that wouldn't keep his parents informed about what was going on with him so that he could get away with just about anything. PBFH doesn't have the time, energy or brain cells to keep him in check, so if they go back there, somebody will have to do it. If it's the church, that's fine with me.

I'm done. DH is done. They will probably get picked up by PBFH this weekend if her atty can type up the paperwork that fast. They are through treating me, DH and my kids like pieces of sh*t. They are through making me jump through hoop after hoop, twisting my heart strings. PBFH is a bad mommy any time they want something from dad and daddy is mean to them every time they want something from PBFH. DH isn't going to play that game, but PBFH is more than happy to go along with it. Since she won't open her eyes, we are going to continue to have false allegations every few months, we will continue going to court every time she feels the kids are being mistreated, and we are going to continue to have to put up with those spoiled rotten little monsters who go running to CPS every time DH tries to discipline them or when they don't get their way. Nothing is good enough for them. They are going to hate it no matter where they live, so they can go hate their lives while they are with PBFH. We're THROUGH!

[lucky]

D -- I'm so sorry to hear this, but I can sooooo understand!

The only concern I have is the private school -- and NOT that you're going to let her enroll them, but the FINANCIAL side of things.  I'd have the atty put in there that if pbfh chooses to enroll the kids in a private school, she will be solely responsible for ALL costs associated with the private school.

Paying cs and perhaps medical stuff will be enough.  If she wants that school, let her pay for it.


(((((D & DH)))))

[nosonew]

You two have done everything you possibly could.  Im sorry it has turned out this way, but, at least you will be able to pay your bills, take care of the kids you have at home, and have some peace of mind.  Let her deal with these kids.

Will dh have to help pay for the pvt school? How much extra will that be? Is it worth it?  Just a thought!

Big hugs to you and yours, and why don't you sleep in this next weekend?????

[dsm]

D - I'm so sorry for the hell that you and your DH and kids have gone through.  I don't blame y'all for the difficult decision that was made.  You've done everything you can.

I agree with Lucky about the private school - don't open it up for y'all to be financially responsible for it.  There should be a stipulation that if PB wants private school, she pays for it solely.  Otherwise, public school is what there is.  Also, with the record of lies and what-not, I would be careful with when they come to your house for time - video tape stuff, do what you have to in order to provide witnesses on your behalf in case more false allegations get made.

hang in there.....we're here for you!

[Kitty C.]

I'm so sorry, D!!!!!!! I know that when we talked, you were still hoping that things could work out, but when you're at the end of your rope, there's nothing left but to tie a knot and hang on.  Sounds like you've tied the knot already.

I want to return the favor, but with all you have going on right now, you just tell me when.  If the PBFH does pick up the kids this weekend and Sunday would work better, just let me know.  In the meantime, you and your family will be in my prayers!

[wendl]

(((D))))
I am so sorry that you are still dealing with this crap.  I know you and dh did everything you could do for the kids.

Now focus on the ones you have at home and let pbfh deal with her children. If she wants to raise her children to be loosers its her choice, you and dh did what you could.

[DMcD]

Thanks, Lucky. I know there are some folks who would give an arm and a leg to have their kids. We were there a year ago. The problem is, they are all little liars. I never know if what they say is true. I'm tired of being lied about and being lied to. One REAL positive things to all of this is that I think maybe, PBFH will calm down and I can start referring to her as BM. She's grateful that DH is going to stop the fighting. We agreed that our c/s would be her cost for the private school. Another agreement is that no parent, for ANY reason, can take this back to court for 36 months after the stipulation. Meaning, c/s as well. In 36 months, SD will be 19 and OSS will be close to turning 18. DH might have to pay a few months of c/s for OSS and then 2 years for YSS. That's IF she requests a mod of c/s. They are sounding like they may end up on good terms. Maybe that's what needed to happen. Maybe that's why all of this turned out the way it did. I don't know, but my stress level is dropping already.

[DMcD]

I'm soooo going to sleep in this weekend!! My dad sent me a check for my electric bill, so we aren't going to get shut off and my mortgage company is going to rewrite my loan and give us a fresh start. I asked God a few days ago to lift the burden, that I couldn't take it anymore. It looks like He did. I can't say I LIKE what we're doing, but I guess it's the right thing to do, at least, for my kids and my family.

[DMcD]

Thanks for your support. Based on the conversations that DH and BM have had today, I don't think we need to worry about that anymore. Both parents are fully aware that the kids lie about each parent to the other and I think that we are all going to be able to get along a LOT better now. The kids may make false allegations about the other parent, but I really think that if that happens, DH will vouch for BM and BM will vouch for DH. I even have a glimmer of hope that maybe BM and I will be able to hold conversations. I don't think we'll ever be friends, but I think we may be able to be civil to one another. Miracles can happen!

[DMcD]

No problem, Kitty. I have free long distance, remember! I'm not sure what will happen in the next few days, but I can be pretty sure that they will back with their mom before the end of the month. I just wish I knew if things would have been different if DH hadn't had to go to Georgia. I think it would have been a little different, maybe we could have held on a little longer, maybe DH would have crumbled before me, I just don't know. All I know is that I don't want three ungrateful kids who don't want to be here. We can't force them to do well in school, we can only help them learn, foster their love of learning and encourage them when they do well. We can't FORCE them to get good grades, though. They only improved a little up here. Their behavior went from bad to worse. I think OSS may benefit from some padding at the school.

Her atty is an a**hole, but BM is pretty much willing to stip to everything that we are asking for. DH isn't being mean or even unreasonable. They are just reversing the current parenting schedule, applying BM's arrears to DH's, stopping her c/s and agreeing to below guideline c/s for DH. I think everyone wins. She gets the kids, they get to live there, OSS will have someone on his ass 24 hours a day, SD can relax because BM isn't making her feel like crap all the time, DH had a reduced c/s arrears balance and payment and DH and BM may be able to mend their fences and get along. That will solve probably 80% of the kids' problems. It will solve almost 100% of mine and DH's. I'm still mad, but I'll get over it. I worry about my YDS, since he is so close to SD, but she would have been at her mom's all summer anyway, so by the end of summer, he will have gotten used to her being away. DH will get them the last 10 days or so of summer this year and resume all summer next year.

All I know is that EVERYONE was happier when they lived with their mom. DH was right when he said that if he got to do it all over again, he wouldn't have done anything different, but it seems that we are doing the right thing. BM wasn't a bad mom, per se, but when it came to dealing with DH, she was a horrible human being. Maybe this will change her attitude and she and DH can parent as a team. I have high hopes that, in the end, the kids will be ok.